酷我-北美枫

[anna]

-----Assignment #2: Add up to one page to the short story POPULAR MECHANICS by RAYMOND CARVER.

But he would not let go. He felt the baby slipping out of his hands and he pulled back very hard. “You are hurting it.” She said and hesitated to pull it back.
The lamp above suddenly swung back and forth, back and forth. Dishes felling down from the opposite cupboard, made dreary noises. He felt his sight blurred. What happened? He paused and found the ground shivered heavily.
“Oh, no, Earthquake!” She screamed and leaped over to push the baby and him under the dinner table.
More stuffs fell down, some hit on her leg, she hastily crouched down and squeezed herself beneath the table.
The baby gave a sharp cry. His red face was shaking while his tiny fists waved. He looked at it at a loss as if he did not know what he should do next.
She removed her upper button. Without watching his face, she dragged the baby into her arms and began to feed it. The baby stopped crying. The house was immersed in dark silence. He collected himself and sighed. “Why is my life doomed to be like this, with all the chaos?” The ground was still shaking.
She lowered her head and kissed the baby dryly. She said, “Do you really mean to hurt me and hurt the baby? Maybe we need to seek someone after the quake.”
In this manner, the issue was decided.
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[[星子安娜]]

-----Assignment #2: Add up to one page to the short story POPULAR MECHANICS by RAYMOND CARVER.

But he would not let go. He felt the baby slipping out of his hands and he pulled back very hard. “You are hurting it.” She said and hesitated to pull it back.
The lamp above suddenly swung back and forth, back and forth. Dishes felling down from the opposite cupboard, made dreary noises. He felt his sight blurred. What happened? He paused and found the ground shivered heavily.
“Oh, no, Earthquake!” She screamed and leaped over to push the baby and him under the dinner table.
More stuffs fell down, some hit on her leg, she hastily crouched down and squeezed herself beneath the table.
The baby gave a sharp cry. His red face was shaking while his tiny fists waved. He looked at it at a loss as if he did not know what he should do next.
She removed her upper button. Without watching his face, she dragged the baby into her arms and began to feed it. The baby stopped crying. The house was immersed in dark silence. He collected himself and sighed. “Why is my life doomed to be like this, with all the chaos?” The ground was still shaking.
She lowered her head and kissed the baby dryly. She said, “Do you really mean to hurt me and hurt the baby? Maybe we need to seek someone after the quake.”
In this manner, the issue was decided.
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[fanfan]

In Popular Mechanics, Carver skilfully combines his polysemic technique with existential uncertainty to convey the sense of menace, for which his short stories are famous. “The issue” in the concluding statement has the dual meaning: concerning both the nature of the parents' relationship to the baby whom they physically fight over (Popular Mechanics literally means the popular understanding of the scientific study of motion and force, becoming a dehumanized title of a story depicting a heart-wrenching family issue) and with the state of the baby himself (disturbingly impersonalized as an object to fight over) while “the issue” in your story has really been decided in a clearly defined manner.

I think you need to re-write your piece if you want to follow the very spirit of Popular Mechanics.


What follows is the short story, Popular Mechanics, written by Raymond Carver:

Early that day the weather turned and the snow was melting into dirty water. Streaks of it ran down from the little shoulder-high window that faced the backyard. Cars slushed by on the street outside, where it was getting dark. But it was getting dark on the inside too.

He was in the bedroom pushing clothes into a suitcase when she came to the door.

I’m glad you’re leaving! I’m glad you’re leaving! she said. Do you hear?

He kept on putting his things into the suitcase.

Son of a bitch! I’m so glad you’re leaving! She began to cry. You can’t even look me in the face, can you?

Then she noticed the baby’s picture on the bed and picked it up.

He looked at her and she wiped her eyes and stared at him before turning and going back to the living room.

Bring that back, he said.

Just get your things and get out, she said.

He did not answer. He fastened the suitcase, put on his coat, looked around the bedroom before turning off the light. Then he went out to the living room.

She stood in the doorway of the little kitchen, holding the baby.

I want the baby, he said.

Are you crazy?

No, but I want the baby. I’ll get someone to come for his things.

You’re not touching this baby, she said. The baby had begun to cry and she uncovered the blanket from around his head.

Oh, oh, she said, looking at the baby.

He moved toward her.

For God’s sake! she said. She took a step back into the kitchen.

I want the baby.

Get out of here!

She turned and tried to hold the baby over in a corner behind the stove.

But he came up. He reached across the stove and tightened his hands on the baby.

Let go of him, he said.

Get away, get away! she cried.

The baby was red-faced and screaming. In the scuffle they knocked down a flowerpot that hung behind the stove. He crowded her into the wall then, trying to break her grip. He held onto the baby and pushed with all his weight.

Let go of him, he said.

Don’t, she said. You’re hurting the baby, she said.

I’m not hurting the baby, he said.

The kitchen window gave no light. In the near dark he worked on her fisted fingers with one hand and with the other hand he gripped the screaming baby up under an arm near the shoulder.

She felt her fingers being forced open. She felt the baby going from her.

No! she screamed just as her hands came loose.

She would have it, this baby. She grabbed for the baby’s other arm. She caught the baby around the wrist and leaned back.

But he would not let go. He felt the baby slipping out of his hands and he pulled back very hard.

In this manner, the issue was decided.
_________________
Don't imitate me;
it's as boring
as the two halves of a melon.

[[FFFFFF]]

In Popular Mechanics, Carver skilfully combines his polysemic technique with existential uncertainty to convey the sense of menace, for which his short stories are famous. “The issue” in the concluding statement has the dual meaning: concerning both the nature of the parents' relationship to the baby whom they physically fight over (Popular Mechanics literally means the popular understanding of the scientific study of motion and force, becoming a dehumanized title of a story depicting a heart-wrenching family issue) and with the state of the baby himself (disturbingly impersonalized as an object to fight over) while “the issue” in your story has really been decided in a clearly defined manner.

I think you need to re-write your piece if you want to follow the very spirit of Popular Mechanics.


What follows is the short story, Popular Mechanics, written by Raymond Carver:

Early that day the weather turned and the snow was melting into dirty water. Streaks of it ran down from the little shoulder-high window that faced the backyard. Cars slushed by on the street outside, where it was getting dark. But it was getting dark on the inside too.

He was in the bedroom pushing clothes into a suitcase when she came to the door.

I’m glad you’re leaving! I’m glad you’re leaving! she said. Do you hear?

He kept on putting his things into the suitcase.

Son of a bitch! I’m so glad you’re leaving! She began to cry. You can’t even look me in the face, can you?

Then she noticed the baby’s picture on the bed and picked it up.

He looked at her and she wiped her eyes and stared at him before turning and going back to the living room.

Bring that back, he said.

Just get your things and get out, she said.

He did not answer. He fastened the suitcase, put on his coat, looked around the bedroom before turning off the light. Then he went out to the living room.

She stood in the doorway of the little kitchen, holding the baby.

I want the baby, he said.

Are you crazy?

No, but I want the baby. I’ll get someone to come for his things.

You’re not touching this baby, she said. The baby had begun to cry and she uncovered the blanket from around his head.

Oh, oh, she said, looking at the baby.

He moved toward her.

For God’s sake! she said. She took a step back into the kitchen.

I want the baby.

Get out of here!

She turned and tried to hold the baby over in a corner behind the stove.

But he came up. He reached across the stove and tightened his hands on the baby.

Let go of him, he said.

Get away, get away! she cried.

The baby was red-faced and screaming. In the scuffle they knocked down a flowerpot that hung behind the stove. He crowded her into the wall then, trying to break her grip. He held onto the baby and pushed with all his weight.

Let go of him, he said.

Don’t, she said. You’re hurting the baby, she said.

I’m not hurting the baby, he said.

The kitchen window gave no light. In the near dark he worked on her fisted fingers with one hand and with the other hand he gripped the screaming baby up under an arm near the shoulder.

She felt her fingers being forced open. She felt the baby going from her.

No! she screamed just as her hands came loose.

She would have it, this baby. She grabbed for the baby’s other arm. She caught the baby around the wrist and leaned back.

But he would not let go. He felt the baby slipping out of his hands and he pulled back very hard.

In this manner, the issue was decided.
_________________
Don't imitate me;
it's as boring
as the two halves of a melon.

[anna]

Hi Fanfan,

I know what you mean and what implies in this story.

It is difficult to remain it. We have a group of people to write on this task, so each presents a very different approach.
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[[星子安娜]]

Hi Fanfan,

I know what you mean and what implies in this story.

It is difficult to remain it. We have a group of people to write on this task, so each presents a very different approach.
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[fanfan]

I think the earthquake employed in your story as a literary device symbolizing arguments erupting between the angry, fighting couples is a good idea, and you can elaborate more on the aftermath of the earthquake just as Carver spends the chunk of his narrative space on "popular mechanics."

Delete the second-to-last paragraph, add something else to portray the final move to solve "the issue" in a seemingly clearly-defined manner, and then conclude with a Carver-esque statement:

"In this manner, the issue was decided."

Just a thought.
_________________
Don't imitate me;
it's as boring
as the two halves of a melon.

[[FFFFFF]]

I think the earthquake employed in your story as a literary device symbolizing arguments erupting between the angry, fighting couples is a good idea, and you can elaborate more on the aftermath of the earthquake just as Carver spends the chunk of his narrative space on "popular mechanics."

Delete the second-to-last paragraph, add something else to portray the final move to solve "the issue" in a seemingly clearly-defined manner, and then conclude with a Carver-esque statement:

"In this manner, the issue was decided."

Just a thought.
_________________
Don't imitate me;
it's as boring
as the two halves of a melon.

[Lake]

Are you writing the same story or a continuation of the same story?

It is pretty descriptive.

Dishes felling down

Should it be 'falling'?

with the state of the baby himself (disturbingly impersonalized as an object to fight over)

I feel the same way, the baby - an object, impersonalized by the use of pronoun 'it' instead of 'he' or 'she'.

What makes me feel bewildered is the conversation at the end of the story where the man complains about his miserable life while the woman proposes to look for some consultation, whose behaviors, to my experience, are most unlikely in such a dangerous situation when death should be feared at the moment.

[[Lake]]

Are you writing the same story or a continuation of the same story?

It is pretty descriptive.

Dishes felling down

Should it be 'falling'?

with the state of the baby himself (disturbingly impersonalized as an object to fight over)

I feel the same way, the baby - an object, impersonalized by the use of pronoun 'it' instead of 'he' or 'she'.

What makes me feel bewildered is the conversation at the end of the story where the man complains about his miserable life while the woman proposes to look for some consultation, whose behaviors, to my experience, are most unlikely in such a dangerous situation when death should be feared at the moment.

[星子]

Hi Fanfan

Thanks for suggestion. I will try. It is tough to write it so short (only one page with double space) and keep the last line as the conclusion.

Hi Lake,

you are right. I will work on it again.

This I handed in since my deadline was last night.
_________________

[[ANNA]]

Hi Fanfan

Thanks for suggestion. I will try. It is tough to write it so short (only one page with double space) and keep the last line as the conclusion.

Hi Lake,

you are right. I will work on it again.

This I handed in since my deadline was last night.
_________________

[ericcoliu]

First of all, your assignment #2 is better than the assignment #1. It’s well-written and there are no big problems with the use of punctuation.

Secondly, I’m glad to find that you continue Carver’s de-personalizing and de-humanizing strategy which treats the baby as a object to fight over and which refers to the baby as “this baby,” “the baby,” or “it.”

Thirdly, Carver conveys the sense of menace through a confusing rather than clarifying language. Both character and reader can sense that something dangerous is submerged (the possibly accidental death of the baby by violent pulls between the angry, fighting couples) but unable to find the meaning of the given clues (like his title and the first paragraph). Popular mechanics is a demanding read. On the contrary, the second-to-last paragraph, the not a key paragraph in your piece, is written in a clarifying language. All things are or are trying to be settled through family counselling. That’s really unsettling because in so doing, you spoil good material with which you’ll chip the finished work.

Finally, throughout his writing career, he has kept chanting his sutra: writing and re-writing, writing and re-writing, on and on …. I'll be happy to read your assignment #2 (revised, revised again, the final version, … Ha! Ha! Another new version). Sorry to torture you like this. I’m an opinionated critic as well as a committed critic, of which I'm proud.

A demanding read commands the reader's heart and mind while an easy read is ready to be consumed and then thrown away by the reader.


By the way, shivered or shivering?
_________________
Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul

[[ericcoliu]]

First of all, your assignment #2 is better than the assignment #1. It’s well-written and there are no big problems with the use of punctuation.

Secondly, I’m glad to find that you continue Carver’s de-personalizing and de-humanizing strategy which treats the baby as a object to fight over and which refers to the baby as “this baby,” “the baby,” or “it.”

Thirdly, Carver conveys the sense of menace through a confusing rather than clarifying language. Both character and reader can sense that something dangerous is submerged (the possibly accidental death of the baby by violent pulls between the angry, fighting couples) but unable to find the meaning of the given clues (like his title and the first paragraph). Popular mechanics is a demanding read. On the contrary, the second-to-last paragraph, the not a key paragraph in your piece, is written in a clarifying language. All things are or are trying to be settled through family counselling. That’s really unsettling because in so doing, you spoil good material with which you’ll chip the finished work.

Finally, throughout his writing career, he has kept chanting his sutra: writing and re-writing, writing and re-writing, on and on …. I'll be happy to read your assignment #2 (revised, revised again, the final version, … Ha! Ha! Another new version). Sorry to torture you like this. I’m an opinionated critic as well as a committed critic, of which I'm proud.

A demanding read commands the reader's heart and mind while an easy read is ready to be consumed and then thrown away by the reader.


By the way, shivered or shivering?
_________________
Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul

[anna]

Hi Lake and Eric,
I tried to follow the original story...

Revised again.



Conflict and Dialogue
Assignment #2: Add up to one page to the short story POPULAR MECHANICS by RAYMOND CARVER. Font = 12 pt. Double spaced.
But he would not let go. He felt the baby slipping out of his hands and he pulled back very hard. “You are hurting it.” She said and hesitated to pull it back.
The lamp above suddenly swung back and forth. Dishes falling down from the opposite cupboard, made dreary noises. He felt his sight blurred. He paused and found the ground shivering heavily.
“Oh, no, Earthquake!” She screamed and leaped over to push the baby and him under the dinner table.
More stuffs fell down, some hit on her leg, she hastily crouched down and squeezed herself beneath the table.
The baby gave a sharp cry. His red face was shaking while his tiny fists waved. He looked at it at a loss as if he did not know what he should do next. Without watching his face, she dragged the baby into her arms. “I’m glad you’re leaving!” she said.
The baby continued crying. The house was like toy blocks, trembling, wobbling. He stretched with a void effort under such a small and dark space. He said. “It is your fault.”
She handed the baby to him, “Leave now. Leave!”
He refused to take it, “You are crazy!”
“Maybe,” She took out a long band and bound the baby closed to her chest, then crouched out slowly. When she finally got out the door, she stood up and ran to a group of people.
In this manner, the issue was decided.
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[[星子安娜]]

Hi Lake and Eric,
I tried to follow the original story...

Revised again.



Conflict and Dialogue
Assignment #2: Add up to one page to the short story POPULAR MECHANICS by RAYMOND CARVER. Font = 12 pt. Double spaced.
But he would not let go. He felt the baby slipping out of his hands and he pulled back very hard. “You are hurting it.” She said and hesitated to pull it back.
The lamp above suddenly swung back and forth. Dishes falling down from the opposite cupboard, made dreary noises. He felt his sight blurred. He paused and found the ground shivering heavily.
“Oh, no, Earthquake!” She screamed and leaped over to push the baby and him under the dinner table.
More stuffs fell down, some hit on her leg, she hastily crouched down and squeezed herself beneath the table.
The baby gave a sharp cry. His red face was shaking while his tiny fists waved. He looked at it at a loss as if he did not know what he should do next. Without watching his face, she dragged the baby into her arms. “I’m glad you’re leaving!” she said.
The baby continued crying. The house was like toy blocks, trembling, wobbling. He stretched with a void effort under such a small and dark space. He said. “It is your fault.”
She handed the baby to him, “Leave now. Leave!”
He refused to take it, “You are crazy!”
“Maybe,” She took out a long band and bound the baby closed to her chest, then crouched out slowly. When she finally got out the door, she stood up and ran to a group of people.
In this manner, the issue was decided.
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[robarts]

[[robarts]]

[anna]

Hi robart,

you are right.

Some people in my group also wondered why he refused to take the baby which in the original story he intended to get it.

I revised it and hope it answer the question.


But he would not let go. He felt the baby slipping out of his hands and he pulled back very hard.
You are hurting it . She said but hesitated to pull back.
The lamp above swung back and forth. Dishes fell down from the opposite cupboard, made dreary noises. His sight blurred. He paused and found the ground shivering heavily.
No, Earthquake! She screamed and leaped over to push the baby and him under the dinner table. More dishes fell down, some hit on her leg, she crouched down and squeezed herself beneath the table.
The baby gave a sharp cry. His red face shook while his tiny fists waved.
He looked at it at a loss.
She dragged the baby into her arms. “I’m glad you’re leaving!” she said.
The baby continued crying. The house was like toy blocks, trembling, wobbling.
He stretched with a void effort under such a small and dark space. He said. It is your fault.
She handed the baby to him and said, Leave now. Leave!
He refused to take it, and said, You are crazy!
She stared at him and said, You, merely a coward, Watch!
She took out a long band and bound the baby close to her chest, then crawled out slowly. When she finally got out the door, she stood up and ran to a group of people.
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[[星子安娜]]

Hi robart,

you are right.

Some people in my group also wondered why he refused to take the baby which in the original story he intended to get it.

I revised it and hope it answer the question.


But he would not let go. He felt the baby slipping out of his hands and he pulled back very hard.
You are hurting it . She said but hesitated to pull back.
The lamp above swung back and forth. Dishes fell down from the opposite cupboard, made dreary noises. His sight blurred. He paused and found the ground shivering heavily.
No, Earthquake! She screamed and leaped over to push the baby and him under the dinner table. More dishes fell down, some hit on her leg, she crouched down and squeezed herself beneath the table.
The baby gave a sharp cry. His red face shook while his tiny fists waved.
He looked at it at a loss.
She dragged the baby into her arms. “I’m glad you’re leaving!” she said.
The baby continued crying. The house was like toy blocks, trembling, wobbling.
He stretched with a void effort under such a small and dark space. He said. It is your fault.
She handed the baby to him and said, Leave now. Leave!
He refused to take it, and said, You are crazy!
She stared at him and said, You, merely a coward, Watch!
She took out a long band and bound the baby close to her chest, then crawled out slowly. When she finally got out the door, she stood up and ran to a group of people.
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com