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dundas[dundas] dundas作品集 五品知州 (再努力一把就是四品大员了!)
注册时间: 2008-02-23 帖子: 214
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发表于: 星期一 四月 14, 2008 11:53 am 发表主题: A Day in His Life (revised) |
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A Day in His Life
"A pleasant evening, isn't it, my dear?" He relaxes on the bench, looking like the jolly Laughing Buddha with a largely exposed pot belly, his bald head covered with a sports hat. There is really no more peaceful place to be on a cool summer night than right here. He sits contently, talking to his wife.
"You know, this morning, I made up my mind and went to Lee's office, and I, I, ... Never mind. Let's not spoil this beautiful feeling." He stops talking, and watches as stars begin to populate the sky.
He is a frequent visitor here. He comes when he is troubled, when he is happy, and when he just misses her -- which is pretty much all the time. He sits on his personal bench, relaxing for a while. The breeze caresses him.
The sun has set. He gets off his bench, stretches, and ambles back to the car. He turns on the ignition. He drives aimlessly through the town. Another day of his life has passed by, silently and swiftly. _________________ My throat knew thirst before the structure
Of skin and vein around the well
最后进行编辑的是 dundas on 星期一 六月 16, 2008 12:45 pm, 总计第 1 次编辑 |
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robarts[robarts] robarts作品集 六品通判 (官儿做大了,保持廉洁哦)
注册时间: 2008-03-24 帖子: 114 来自: Canada
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发表于: 星期一 四月 14, 2008 3:45 pm 发表主题: Re: A Day in His Life |
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dundas 写到: |
A Day in His Life
He relaxes on the bench, looking like the jolly Laughing Buddha with a largely exposed pot belly stomach, his bald head covered with a sports hat.
Another day of his day will pass by, silently and swiftly.
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A sad story about a man dealing with the loss of his beloved wife. _________________ If one cannot enjoy reading a book over and over again, there is no use in reading it at all. |
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fanfan[FAFAFA] fanfan作品集 四品府丞 (封疆大吏也!)
注册时间: 2007-12-27 帖子: 353 来自: Canada
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发表于: 星期二 四月 15, 2008 7:25 am 发表主题: Re: A Day in His Life |
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dundas 写到: |
There is really no more peaceful place to be on a cool summer night than right here. He sits contently, talking to his wife.
driving aimlessly through the town. Another day of his day will pass by, silently and swiftly. |
A saddening contrast.
He wife, lying six feet under, means the world to him, and will never be replaced. _________________ Don't imitate me;
it's as boring
as the two halves of a melon. |
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Lake[Lake] Lake作品集 二品总督 (刚入二品,小心做人)
注册时间: 2006-10-10 帖子: 1341 来自: Sky Blue Water
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发表于: 星期三 四月 16, 2008 12:12 am 发表主题: |
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Shame on me. I didn't realize that his wife passed away. Does it need a transitional word or sentence or any indicator separating the first two paragraphs from the present? Without reading the above comments, I almost missed it.
A melancholy write. |
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anna[星子安娜] anna作品集 Site Admin
注册时间: 2004-05-02 帖子: 7141
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发表于: 星期三 四月 16, 2008 3:41 pm 发表主题: |
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This reminded me a true story a few years ago.
It happened in Toronto.
An old man was more than 90, his wife died two years ago. He felt too lonely and no meaning to live alone, in the cold winter night, he slept the outside bench of his house and died in peace. _________________ ---------------------
Anna Yin
《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...
http://annapoetry.com |
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dundas[dundas] dundas作品集 五品知州 (再努力一把就是四品大员了!)
注册时间: 2008-02-23 帖子: 214
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发表于: 星期四 四月 17, 2008 8:38 am 发表主题: |
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Thank you all for the comments.
robarts 写到: |
A sad story about a man dealing with the loss of his beloved wife. |
Yes, well-said.
Lake 写到: |
Does it need a transitional word or sentence or any indicator separating the first two paragraphs from the present? Without reading the above comments, I almost missed it.
A melancholy write. |
I'll think about your suggestion. Thanks for reading and commenting my piece. _________________ My throat knew thirst before the structure
Of skin and vein around the well
最后进行编辑的是 dundas on 星期四 四月 17, 2008 8:43 am, 总计第 1 次编辑 |
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dundas[dundas] dundas作品集 五品知州 (再努力一把就是四品大员了!)
注册时间: 2008-02-23 帖子: 214
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发表于: 星期四 四月 17, 2008 8:41 am 发表主题: |
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anna 写到: | This reminded me a true story a few years ago.
It happened in Toronto.
An old man was more than 90, his wife died two years ago. He felt too lonely and no meaning to live alone, in the cold winter night, he slept the outside bench of his house and died in peace. |
It's a disturbing, tragic death of a grief-stricken man who had great difficulty in dealing with the loss of his beloved wife. _________________ My throat knew thirst before the structure
Of skin and vein around the well |
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星子[ANNA] 星子作品集 酷我!I made it!
注册时间: 2004-06-05 帖子: 13192 来自: Toronto
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发表于: 星期四 四月 17, 2008 9:22 am 发表主题: |
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dundas 写到: | anna 写到: | This reminded me a true story a few years ago.
It happened in Toronto.
An old man was more than 90, his wife died two years ago. He felt too lonely and no meaning to live alone, in the cold winter night, he slept the outside bench of his house and died in peace. |
It's a disturbing, tragic death of a grief-stricken man who had great difficulty in dealing with the loss of his beloved wife. |
In fact, I think he was wise to do that. He was 90 years old and had difficulty in breathing. he wanted to reunite with his wife in the heaven. _________________
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Champagne[Champagne] Champagne作品集 四品府丞 (封疆大吏也!)
注册时间: 2007-09-15 帖子: 394 来自: Nowhere & Everywhere
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发表于: 星期五 四月 18, 2008 8:16 am 发表主题: Re: A Day in His Life |
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dundas 写到: | A Day in His Life
"Starry night, isn't it, my dear?"
He sits contently, talking to his wife.
Let's not spoil this beautiful night." He stops talking, staring into the starry sky.
He is a frequent visitor here. He comes when he is troubled, when he is happy, and when he just misses her -- which is pretty much all the time. |
Won't you come and see
Loneliness? Just a gaze
Into a starry sky. _________________ I'm Champagne,
Bottled poetry with sparkling joy. |
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dundas[dundas] dundas作品集 五品知州 (再努力一把就是四品大员了!)
注册时间: 2008-02-23 帖子: 214
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发表于: 星期一 六月 16, 2008 12:46 pm 发表主题: Re: A Day in His Life |
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Champagne 写到: |
Won't you come and see
Loneliness? Just a gaze
Into a starry sky. |
For me, loneliness is a dysfunctional clock.
I've revised my piece. _________________ My throat knew thirst before the structure
Of skin and vein around the well |
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东西[东西] 东西作品集 八品县丞 (又一个不小心,升了!)
注册时间: 2008-06-07 帖子: 53 来自: East_West
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发表于: 星期一 六月 16, 2008 3:39 pm 发表主题: Re: A Day in His Life |
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dundas 写到: |
For me, loneliness is a dysfunctional clock.
I've revised my piece. |
Interesting observation. That means a lonely person has lost his grasp of the passage of time.
dundas 写到: |
A Day in His Life
The sun has set. He gets off his bench, stretches, and ambles back to the car. He turns on the ignition. He drives aimlessly through the town. Another day of his life has passed by, silently and swiftly. |
Delicately written. well done. _________________ East is East, and West is West, and never the twain shall meet. |
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