酷我-北美枫

[Lake]

Version 2

Autumn Window

   for William Marr    

Here on the top of the hill,
over the rose dale –
your book, my companion –
in the cool morning.

I look from my window
into your autumn window
in the fragrant wind, softer
than that of Chicago.

Over the black backdrop
the white picture frame
is suffused with balmy softness,
those tender eyes -
a window into wisdom.

I think of you at work –
of war, an old woman
who lost her only child;
of freedom, a bird
which leaves its cage.

Your every line,
every thought, like rivulets
from all directions
flowing into the sea.

Flowers are now in full bloom.
When red maple leaves fall
I'll open the window once more
to read this mellow autumn.


Version 1


Autumn Window

    For William Marr

Here on the vast prairies,
Amid ten-thousand lakes -
Your book, your autograph –
In the summer morning.

I look from my window
Into your window of autumn
In the fragrant wind softer
Than that of Chicago.

The white picture frame
Over the black backdrop.
The slender lady turns sideways,
Whose eyes a wisdom window.

I think of you at work –
Of war, an old woman
Who lost her only child;
Of bird, the freedom to the cage.

Your poems give help to
The natural disasters.
All proceeds like rivulets
Flowing into the ocean.

Seasons revolving in cycles.
When red maple leaves fall
I open the window once more
To read your autumnal profusion.

[[Lake]]

Version 2

Autumn Window

   for William Marr    

Here on the top of the hill,
over the rose dale –
your book, my companion –
in the cool morning.

I look from my window
into your autumn window
in the fragrant wind, softer
than that of Chicago.

Over the black backdrop
the white picture frame
is suffused with balmy softness,
those tender eyes -
a window into wisdom.

I think of you at work –
of war, an old woman
who lost her only child;
of freedom, a bird
which leaves its cage.

Your every line,
every thought, like rivulets
from all directions
flowing into the sea.

Flowers are now in full bloom.
When red maple leaves fall
I'll open the window once more
to read this mellow autumn.


Version 1


Autumn Window

    For William Marr

Here on the vast prairies,
Amid ten-thousand lakes -
Your book, your autograph –
In the summer morning.

I look from my window
Into your window of autumn
In the fragrant wind softer
Than that of Chicago.

The white picture frame
Over the black backdrop.
The slender lady turns sideways,
Whose eyes a wisdom window.

I think of you at work –
Of war, an old woman
Who lost her only child;
Of bird, the freedom to the cage.

Your poems give help to
The natural disasters.
All proceeds like rivulets
Flowing into the ocean.

Seasons revolving in cycles.
When red maple leaves fall
I open the window once more
To read your autumnal profusion.

[非马]

Thank you Lake, for writing such a beautiful poem for my Autumn Window!
The weather in Chicago over the weekend was wonderful. I was in my backyard yesterday afternoon with my dog and thought there could not have any softer wind than that of Chicago. Evidently I was wrong. Ha!

Thank you again. I'll treasure your poem.

[[FFFFFF]]

Thank you Lake, for writing such a beautiful poem for my Autumn Window!
The weather in Chicago over the weekend was wonderful. I was in my backyard yesterday afternoon with my dog and thought there could not have any softer wind than that of Chicago. Evidently I was wrong. Ha!

Thank you again. I'll treasure your poem.

[ericcoliu]

[[ericcoliu]]

[robarts]

[[robarts]]

[Lake]

[[Lake]]

[anna]

Hi Lake & 非马


I have the book but haven't finish reading it yet.

These days are very busy and poems need to read in my quiet time.

But I do read some and like "Great Wall", "War", "Dandilion" very much.

Great. Lake have written this with two windows bridged two hearts.

I think if you could take out a few "your" and change a little bit... for me I feel it may be more thoughtful, more subtle.
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[[星子安娜]]

Hi Lake & 非马


I have the book but haven't finish reading it yet.

These days are very busy and poems need to read in my quiet time.

But I do read some and like "Great Wall", "War", "Dandilion" very much.

Great. Lake have written this with two windows bridged two hearts.

I think if you could take out a few "your" and change a little bit... for me I feel it may be more thoughtful, more subtle.
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[Lake]

[[Lake]]

[Lake]

[[Lake]]

[Lake]

Thanks anna. I didn't realize there are so many yous. I agree it needs polishing. Thanks.

Lake

[[Lake]]

Thanks anna. I didn't realize there are so many yous. I agree it needs polishing. Thanks.

Lake

[Lake]

I think this is beautifully said: "Gracefully growing old". I like it.

[[Lake]]

I think this is beautifully said: "Gracefully growing old". I like it.

[Lake]

Added another version. Some of the changes are:

1 Got rid of some repetition of 'you, your'.

2 Added some punctuations and moved some phrases around to make the meanings more clear.

3 Changed the first two lines in S1. Thought the two lines in version 1 were kind of lazy, general. Why didn't I just use the name of the place where I live?

4 Replaced the original S5 for those who may have some problem understanding.

Hope version 2 doesn't loose the intended appreciation, intimacy and sincerity in the original.

[[Lake]]

Added another version. Some of the changes are:

1 Got rid of some repetition of 'you, your'.

2 Added some punctuations and moved some phrases around to make the meanings more clear.

3 Changed the first two lines in S1. Thought the two lines in version 1 were kind of lazy, general. Why didn't I just use the name of the place where I live?

4 Replaced the original S5 for those who may have some problem understanding.

Hope version 2 doesn't loose the intended appreciation, intimacy and sincerity in the original.

[非马]

[[FFFFFF]]

[Lake]

Thanks Mr. Fei Ma for your question.

In my first revision, I changed it to

[[Lake]]

Thanks Mr. Fei Ma for your question.

In my first revision, I changed it to

[非马]

[[FFFFFF]]

[Lake]

[[Lake]]