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clair[clair] clair作品集 七品按察司 (我开始管这里的事儿了)
注册时间: 2008-03-13 帖子: 83
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发表于: 星期四 八月 14, 2008 3:42 pm 发表主题: 相思,Thinking of You (revised) |
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相思 冰心
躲開相思。
披上裘兒
gg走出燈明人靜的屋子。
小徑里明月相窺,
枯枝 ──
gg在雪地上
gggg又縱橫的寫遍了相思。
English Translation: Thinking of You
To avoid thinking of you,
I wore a fur-lined gown,
And walked out of the well-lit, quiet room.
The bright moon came peeping down the garden path;
The withered branches
Had criss-crossed the snowy ground
And scribbled thoughts of love _________________ This dark
Ceiling without a star
最后进行编辑的是 clair on 星期四 九月 25, 2008 11:59 am, 总计第 2 次编辑 |
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anna[星子安娜] anna作品集 Site Admin
注册时间: 2004-05-02 帖子: 7141
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发表于: 星期四 八月 14, 2008 3:59 pm 发表主题: |
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very good.
In general, most writers prefer to use the present tense because present tense writing is often easier to read and can help make the feeling more related. _________________ ---------------------
Anna Yin
《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...
http://annapoetry.com |
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fanfan[FAFAFA] fanfan作品集 四品府丞 (封疆大吏也!)
注册时间: 2007-12-27 帖子: 353 来自: Canada
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发表于: 星期五 八月 15, 2008 7:14 am 发表主题: |
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anna 写到: | very good.
In general, most writers prefer to use the present tense because present tense writing is often easier to read and can help make the feeling more related. |
Yes.
clair 写到: |
The bright moon came peeping down the garden path;
The withered branches
Criss-crossed the snowy ground
And scribbled “thinking of you.” |
Or
The withered branches
Had criss-crossed the snowy ground
And scribbled “thinking of you. _________________ Don't imitate me;
it's as boring
as the two halves of a melon. |
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christine[christine] christine作品集 四品府丞 (封疆大吏也!)
注册时间: 2008-02-25 帖子: 304
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发表于: 星期五 八月 15, 2008 6:32 pm 发表主题: Re: 相思,Thinking of You |
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clair 写到: |
小徑里明月相窺,
枯枝 ──
gg在雪地上
gggg又縱橫的寫遍了相思。
The bright moon came peeping down the garden path;
The withered branches
Criss-crossed the snowy ground
And scribbled “thinking of you.” |
I think this translation is not accurate.
I like Bing Xin's poetry, which initiated Chinese Xiaoshi tradition. |
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu] ericcoliu作品集 二品总督 (刚入二品,小心做人)
注册时间: 2007-05-29 帖子: 1393 来自: GTA, Canada
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发表于: 星期六 八月 16, 2008 7:32 am 发表主题: Re: 相思,Thinking of You |
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christine 写到: |
clair 写到: |
小徑里明月相窺,
枯枝 ──
gg在雪地上
gggg又縱橫的寫遍了相思。
The bright moon came peeping down the garden path;
The withered branches
Criss-crossed the snowy ground
And scribbled “thinking of you.” |
I think this translation is not accurate.
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Yes, this translation would be mistakenly read as the shape of the withered branches is like the Chinese phrase, “thinking of you.”
How about “and scribbled thoughts of love?” _________________ Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul |
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Champagne[Champagne] Champagne作品集 四品府丞 (封疆大吏也!)
注册时间: 2007-09-15 帖子: 394 来自: Nowhere & Everywhere
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发表于: 星期一 八月 18, 2008 8:09 pm 发表主题: Re: 相思,Thinking of You |
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christine 写到: |
I like Bing Xin's poetry, which initiated Chinese Xiaoshi tradition. |
Yes.
In Thinking of You, Bing Xin skilfully employs the projection technique, one of the seven ways of showing articulated in ericcolu's Another Pnin, to express the seemingly uncontrollable longing for her beloved. _________________ I'm Champagne,
Bottled poetry with sparkling joy. |
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东西[东西] 东西作品集 八品县丞 (又一个不小心,升了!)
注册时间: 2008-06-07 帖子: 53 来自: East_West
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发表于: 星期四 八月 21, 2008 12:27 pm 发表主题: Re: 相思,Thinking of You |
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ericcoliu 写到: |
Yes, this translation would be mistakenly read as the shape of the withered branches is like the Chinese phrase, “thinking of you.”
How about “and scribbled thoughts of love?” |
Yes, a good suggestion.
Champagne 写到: |
In Thinking of You, Bing Xin skilfully employs the projection technique, one of the seven ways of showing articulated in ericcolu's Another Pnin, to express the seemingly uncontrollably longing for her beloved. |
也想不相思,可免相思苦;幾次細思量,情願相思苦!
-- 胡適《生查子》 _________________ East is East, and West is West, and never the twain shall meet. |
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clair[clair] clair作品集 七品按察司 (我开始管这里的事儿了)
注册时间: 2008-03-13 帖子: 83
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发表于: 星期一 九月 08, 2008 6:04 pm 发表主题: |
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fanfan 写到: |
anna 写到: | very good.
In general, most writers prefer to use the present tense because present tense writing is often easier to read and can help make the feeling more related. |
Yes.
clair 写到: |
The bright moon came peeping down the garden path;
The withered branches
Criss-crossed the snowy ground
And scribbled “thinking of you.” |
Or
The withered branches
Had criss-crossed the snowy ground
And scribbled “thinking of you. |
Thanks for your attentive reading and helpful comments. I'll think them over. _________________ This dark
Ceiling without a star |
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clair[clair] clair作品集 七品按察司 (我开始管这里的事儿了)
注册时间: 2008-03-13 帖子: 83
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发表于: 星期一 九月 08, 2008 6:06 pm 发表主题: Re: 相思,Thinking of You |
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ericcoliu 写到: |
Yes, this translation would be mistakenly read as the shape of the withered branches is like the Chinese phrase, “thinking of you.”
How about “and scribbled thoughts of love?” |
Yes, thanks for your suggestion.
Champagne 写到: |
christine 写到: |
I like Bing Xin's poetry, which initiated Chinese Xiaoshi tradition. |
Yes.
In Thinking of You, Bing Xin skilfully employs the projection technique, one of the seven ways of showing articulated in ericcolu's Another Pnin, to express the seemingly uncontrollable longing for her beloved. |
Yes. _________________ This dark
Ceiling without a star |
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clair[clair] clair作品集 七品按察司 (我开始管这里的事儿了)
注册时间: 2008-03-13 帖子: 83
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发表于: 星期一 九月 08, 2008 6:12 pm 发表主题: |
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What follows is a well-written Chinese review of Thinking of You, which I found online.
蒋述卓/点评 邝飚/绘画
冰心,原名谢婉莹,1900年出生于福州一个具有维新思想的家庭,从小受过良好的教育,其诗集《繁星》、《春水》在现代诗坛中产生过极大影响。她的诗深受印度著名诗人泰戈尔的影响,往往在极小的短章中营造出典雅清丽的意境,或者寓含着哲理意蕴。此首《相思》就以含蓄的语言道出了相思的深切和借景抒怀、不说胜说的情韵。
诗的第一节直叙相思者的烦恼。相思最苦,害上相思的青年男女会因此寝食不安,相思如同一只不断噬咬人脑细胞的蚂蚁,心不欲想而难以不想,欲断其愁而又不能不愁。相思之愁,才下眉头,又上心头,使尽浑身解数去驱散都徒劳无功。诗人正是为情所困又欲解困而不得不选择外逃的行为。“躲”是诗人的主观愿望,“走出”是受主观支配的身体行为。“灯明人静”说明诗人原是一个人呆在屋子里,当她“躲”出屋子时,屋子里就只剩下灯光,整个屋子都寂静了。
第二节首句承接“走出”而来,诗人此时来到了屋外的小径,却感觉到明月是如此与她亲近,她的心思连明月都来窥视,想知道她究竟害了什么病,夜深人静时还一个人在屋外的小径徘徊。最后三句“枯枝———/在雪地上/又纵横的写遍了相思”,则承接“躲开”而来:诗人本想“躲开相思”,但出得屋外,雪地里的枯枝纵横交错,又仿佛心头的相思之念,错综复杂,像无数解不开的相思网结写遍了雪地。“写遍”极言其相思之厚之深;“枯枝”本是无生命的东西,但一旦它承载起诗人满怀的相思情之后,便顿时被赋予了活泼泼生命的意义。枯枝之色或是黄色或是褐色与黑色,在皎洁的雪地里显得十分显目,两相映衬,象征相思情的枯枝就变得有重量起来,而且与诗人的生命感怀紧密地联系到了一起。枯枝因此而不再是枯,而成为了滋生爱情的生命之芽。
古典诗词中写相思的名句数不胜数,著名的有“只恐双溪舴艋舟,载不动许多愁”(李清照),“蜡烛有心还惜别,替人垂泪到天明”(杜牧),或借梧桐雨点点滴滴,点点都滴在诗人的相思心头间来写相思,但用“枯枝”来“写遍了相思”却只在现代诗歌中才见到,这恐怕又与冰心接受西方诗歌和印度诗人泰戈尔诗歌的影响分不开。
冰心的诗往往以写母爱、童心而著称,但此诗直接写男女的相思之情,也体现出纯真纯美的心地。她所创造的“繁星体”小诗正如她的笔名“冰心”一样,晶莹剔透闪亮在玉壶之中。她的诗有时只有一两句话,却充满意韵,读之有绕梁三日之感,如“墙角的花!/你孤芳自赏时,/天地便小了。”这种博大的胸怀和对人类的深情关爱让人读后得到深刻的警醒并难以忘怀。 _________________ This dark
Ceiling without a star |
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu] ericcoliu作品集 二品总督 (刚入二品,小心做人)
注册时间: 2007-05-29 帖子: 1393 来自: GTA, Canada
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发表于: 星期一 九月 08, 2008 8:34 pm 发表主题: |
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clair 写到: |
蒋述卓/点评 邝飚/绘画
冰心,原名谢婉莹,1900年出生于福州一个具有维新思想的家庭,从小受过良好的教育,其诗集《繁星》、《春水》在现代诗坛中产生过极大影响。她的诗深受印度著名诗人泰戈尔的影响,往往在极小的短章中营造出典雅清丽的意境,或者寓含着哲理意蕴。此首《相思》就以含蓄的语言道出了相思的深切和借景抒怀、不说胜说的情韵。
诗的第一节直叙相思者的烦恼。相思最苦,害上相思的青年男女会因此寝食不安,相思如同一只不断噬咬人脑细胞的蚂蚁,心不欲想而难以不想,欲断其愁而又不能不愁。相思之愁,才下眉头,又上心头,使尽浑身解数去驱散都徒劳无功。诗人正是为情所困又欲解困而不得不选择外逃的行为。“躲”是诗人的主观愿望,“走出”是受主观支配的身体行为。“灯明人静”说明诗人原是一个人呆在屋子里,当她“躲”出屋子时,屋子里就只剩下灯光,整个屋子都寂静了。
第二节首句承接“走出”而来,诗人此时来到了屋外的小径,却感觉到明月是如此与她亲近,她的心思连明月都来窥视,想知道她究竟害了什么病,夜深人静时还一个人在屋外的小径徘徊。最后三句“枯枝———/在雪地上/又纵横的写遍了相思”,则承接“躲开”而来:诗人本想“躲开相思”,但出得屋外,雪地里的枯枝纵横交错,又仿佛心头的相思之念,错综复杂,像无数解不开的相思网结写遍了雪地。“写遍”极言其相思之厚之深;“枯枝”本是无生命的东西,但一旦它承载起诗人满怀的相思情之后,便顿时被赋予了活泼泼生命的意义。枯枝之色或是黄色或是褐色与黑色,在皎洁的雪地里显得十分显目,两相映衬,象征相思情的枯枝就变得有重量起来,而且与诗人的生命感怀紧密地联系到了一起。枯枝因此而不再是枯,而成为了滋生爱情的生命之芽。
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Thank you for posting this review. Yes, it's a well-analyzed review which is situated in the context of modern Chinese poetry. _________________ Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul |
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fanfan[FFFFFF] fanfan作品集 四品府丞 (封疆大吏也!)
注册时间: 2007-12-27 帖子: 353 来自: Canada
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发表于: 星期一 九月 08, 2008 11:16 pm 发表主题: |
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ericcoliu 写到: |
Thank you for posting this review. Yes, it's a well-analyzed review which is situated in the context of modern Chinese poetry. |
Especially, this review is situated in the context of Tagore's influence on modern Chinese poetry in general and on Bin Xing's poetry in particular.
Share with you another two famous quotes on longing for one's beloved:
才會面,便相思,相思無盡期。這回相見好相知,相知已是遲。
[中國]歐陽修《院郎歸》
相思一夜情多少?地角天涯未是長。
[中國]關盼盼《燕子樓》 _________________ Don't imitate me;
it's as boring
as the two halves of a melon. |
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返回页首 |
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clair[clair] clair作品集 七品按察司 (我开始管这里的事儿了)
注册时间: 2008-03-13 帖子: 83
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发表于: 星期四 九月 25, 2008 11:42 am 发表主题: |
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fanfan 写到: |
Especially, this review is situated in the context of Tagore's influence on modern Chinese poetry in general and on Bin Xing's poetry in particular. |
Yes, a review written in a contextualized setting.
fanfan 写到: |
相思一夜情多少?地角天涯未是長。
[中國]關盼盼《燕子樓》 |
I like this quote most.
I've revised my translation. _________________ This dark
Ceiling without a star |
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