酷我-北美枫

[ericcoliu]

Reading, Writing, and Life on the Page


Show Not Tell: Another Pnin (New Version)


Last week, my memoir writing instructor, Jamie Zeppa who wrote a wonderful memoir about her journey into Bhutan, taught us an important novelistic technique --Showing vs. Telling -- which I want to share with my fellow writers:

Telling: conveys information quickly. Use it to summarize time periods and events that are not very interesting or important to your story.

Example: Judy felt tired to answer the doorbell.


Showing: means creating a scene and allowing your reader to sink into it. Use it to evoke an experience in your reader.

Example: Judy heard the doorbell, but her arms and legs felt like they were encased in concrete.


Seven Ways of Showing:

1 Inner Sensations: gA fist clenched inside Judy’s gut.
2 Facial Expressions: Judy felt her eyes narrow into angry little slits.
3 Gestures: ggggggggShe grabbed the pen and scrawled her name so savagely, the paper tore.
4 Words:ggggggggggg“Now get out!” She yelled.
5 Actions: gggggggggShe slammed the door behind her.
6 Displacement: ggggA sudden gust of wind slammed the door behind her.
7 Projection: gggggggOutside, the dog erupted in a fit of furious barking.

Based on her writing lesson, my previously posted piece, Another Pnin, was re-written and used as a teaching example by my instructor to demonstrate the showing technique to my fellow classmates.


Another Pnin

I remember the monotone repetition of questions in her native Canadian English. I remember his silence and avoidance of eye contact with me. And I remember my fellow Go riders’ patience. Above all – I remember Nabokov's Pnin -- “If his Russian was music, his English was murder.”

The day after Simcoe Day, 2003, I am in the Ajax Go Station to buy a ten-ride ticket to Toronto. Surprisingly, I find quite a few people lining up to buy tickets. I get in line and patiently wait for my turn, as all Canadians do.

"Next in line."

"Tan-ride ticket to Toronto."

"What?"

"Tan-ride tic-ticket to Toronto."

"What did you say?" She raises her voice.

"Tan-lide tic-ticket to To-toronto, please."

"I don't know what you were saying." She answers impatiently like a stern faced mandarin.

Her black co-worker, from whom I’d bought tickets several times, avoids eye contact with me. The GO riders standing behind me wait patiently.

"What do you want?"

I take out the notebook from my backpack, and I write down “I want a ten-ride ticket to Toronto” on a blank page. I show it to her and give her my Visa card.

While waiting for my ticket, I feel something inside me fraying, something I have draped my dreams in.
_________________
Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul

[[ericcoliu]]

Reading, Writing, and Life on the Page


Show Not Tell: Another Pnin (New Version)


Last week, my memoir writing instructor, Jamie Zeppa who wrote a wonderful memoir about her journey into Bhutan, taught us an important novelistic technique --Showing vs. Telling -- which I want to share with my fellow writers:

Telling: conveys information quickly. Use it to summarize time periods and events that are not very interesting or important to your story.

Example: Judy felt tired to answer the doorbell.


Showing: means creating a scene and allowing your reader to sink into it. Use it to evoke an experience in your reader.

Example: Judy heard the doorbell, but her arms and legs felt like they were encased in concrete.


Seven Ways of Showing:

1 Inner Sensations: gA fist clenched inside Judy’s gut.
2 Facial Expressions: Judy felt her eyes narrow into angry little slits.
3 Gestures: ggggggggShe grabbed the pen and scrawled her name so savagely, the paper tore.
4 Words:ggggggggggg“Now get out!” She yelled.
5 Actions: gggggggggShe slammed the door behind her.
6 Displacement: ggggA sudden gust of wind slammed the door behind her.
7 Projection: gggggggOutside, the dog erupted in a fit of furious barking.

Based on her writing lesson, my previously posted piece, Another Pnin, was re-written and used as a teaching example by my instructor to demonstrate the showing technique to my fellow classmates.


Another Pnin

I remember the monotone repetition of questions in her native Canadian English. I remember his silence and avoidance of eye contact with me. And I remember my fellow Go riders’ patience. Above all – I remember Nabokov's Pnin -- “If his Russian was music, his English was murder.”

The day after Simcoe Day, 2003, I am in the Ajax Go Station to buy a ten-ride ticket to Toronto. Surprisingly, I find quite a few people lining up to buy tickets. I get in line and patiently wait for my turn, as all Canadians do.

"Next in line."

"Tan-ride ticket to Toronto."

"What?"

"Tan-ride tic-ticket to Toronto."

"What did you say?" She raises her voice.

"Tan-lide tic-ticket to To-toronto, please."

"I don't know what you were saying." She answers impatiently like a stern faced mandarin.

Her black co-worker, from whom I’d bought tickets several times, avoids eye contact with me. The GO riders standing behind me wait patiently.

"What do you want?"

I take out the notebook from my backpack, and I write down “I want a ten-ride ticket to Toronto” on a blank page. I show it to her and give her my Visa card.

While waiting for my ticket, I feel something inside me fraying, something I have draped my dreams in.
_________________
Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul

[ericcoliu]

What follows is an excerpt from the feedback given by my memoir writing instructor, Jamie Zeppa, author of Beyond the Sky and the Earth: A Journey into Bhutan:

“Eric, this is very good. It's very sparse, so the dialogue has to carry the full weight of the encounter, and it does this very well. ……

You've done an excellent job in conveying the emotion of the situation, all without telling us how you felt. Instead, you allow the reader to experience it.”
_________________
Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul

[[ericcoliu]]

What follows is an excerpt from the feedback given by my memoir writing instructor, Jamie Zeppa, author of Beyond the Sky and the Earth: A Journey into Bhutan:

“Eric, this is very good. It's very sparse, so the dialogue has to carry the full weight of the encounter, and it does this very well. ……

You've done an excellent job in conveying the emotion of the situation, all without telling us how you felt. Instead, you allow the reader to experience it.”
_________________
Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul

[christine]

[[christine]]

[ericcoliu]

[[ericcoliu]]

[Champagne]

[[Champagne]]

[东西]

[[东西]]

[ericcoliu]

[[ericcoliu]]

[浴恩福]

The recurring word in your piece is patience, which can be read as indifference.
_________________
報三恩、耕三大福田

[[浴恩福]]

The recurring word in your piece is patience, which can be read as indifference.
_________________
報三恩、耕三大福田

[ericcoliu]

[[ericcoliu]]

[Lake]

Show not tell. Easier said than done. Easier to spot other's work than one's own. So we have to always keep it in mind when writing.

[[Lake]]

Show not tell. Easier said than done. Easier to spot other's work than one's own. So we have to always keep it in mind when writing.