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Lake[Lake] Lake作品集 二品总督 (刚入二品,小心做人)
注册时间: 2006-10-10 帖子: 1341 来自: Sky Blue Water
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发表于: 星期三 五月 14, 2008 12:58 am 发表主题: I find myself dumb -- 512 earthquake in Sichuan |
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Dumbfounded
-- 512 earthquake in Sichuan
History repeats itself --
thirty-two years later
on the other end of the planet
my deeply buried wound is torn open
once again, mercilessly.
My TV screen goes blank
as I aimlessly stare at it.
My words sound as dumb
as wordless, tears helpless as
tearless. Pray, silently I pray.
A blood stained arm reaching
out of concrete debris,
whose hand is held tight, tightly held
by a hand outside: a battle
between death and life.
Rows of bodies lay wrapped
in sheets. A backpack, a shoe…
scattered on the ruins.
As time expires, hope of surviving
dwindles. Pray, silently I pray.
最后进行编辑的是 Lake on 星期三 五月 14, 2008 12:25 pm, 总计第 2 次编辑 |
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anna[星子安娜] anna作品集 Site Admin
注册时间: 2004-05-02 帖子: 7141
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发表于: 星期三 五月 14, 2008 8:15 am 发表主题: |
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good. I sense it could be more powerful. _________________ ---------------------
Anna Yin
《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...
http://annapoetry.com |
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Champagne[Champagne] Champagne作品集 四品府丞 (封疆大吏也!)
注册时间: 2007-09-15 帖子: 394 来自: Nowhere & Everywhere
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发表于: 星期三 五月 14, 2008 8:18 am 发表主题: Re: I find myself dumb -- 512 earthquake in Sichuan |
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Yes, dumbfounded!
Lake 写到: |
A blood stained arm reaching
out of concrete debris,
whose hand is held tight
by a hand outside, a battle
between death and life.
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Hope and Despair are glove in hand !?
Yes, pray, silently we pray. _________________ I'm Champagne,
Bottled poetry with sparkling joy. |
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christine[christine] christine作品集 四品府丞 (封疆大吏也!)
注册时间: 2008-02-25 帖子: 304
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发表于: 星期三 五月 14, 2008 11:48 am 发表主题: Re: I find myself dumb -- 512 earthquake in Sichuan |
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Lake 写到: | I find myself dumb
-- 512 earthquake in Sichuan
My words sound as dumb
as wordless, tears helpless as
tearless. Pray, silently I pray.
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Yes, wordless and tearless.
Champagne 写到: |
Yes, dumbfounded!
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Hi! Lake:
In my view, Dumbfounded is well-suited for the title of your poem. Just a thought. |
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Lake[Lake] Lake作品集 二品总督 (刚入二品,小心做人)
注册时间: 2006-10-10 帖子: 1341 来自: Sky Blue Water
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发表于: 星期三 五月 14, 2008 12:14 pm 发表主题: |
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anna 写到: | good. I sense it could be more powerful. |
I am powerless so are my words before the natural disaster, before thousands of thousands of innocent victims. I only hope the survived can live on. The rescue work is much better than that of 32 years ago.
最后进行编辑的是 Lake on 星期三 五月 14, 2008 4:00 pm, 总计第 1 次编辑 |
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Lake[Lake] Lake作品集 二品总督 (刚入二品,小心做人)
注册时间: 2006-10-10 帖子: 1341 来自: Sky Blue Water
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发表于: 星期三 五月 14, 2008 12:15 pm 发表主题: Re: I find myself dumb -- 512 earthquake in Sichuan |
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Champagne 写到: | Yes, dumbfounded!
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Yes, I'm dumbfounded. |
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Lake[Lake] Lake作品集 二品总督 (刚入二品,小心做人)
注册时间: 2006-10-10 帖子: 1341 来自: Sky Blue Water
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发表于: 星期三 五月 14, 2008 12:21 pm 发表主题: Re: I find myself dumb -- 512 earthquake in Sichuan |
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christine 写到: |
Hi! Lake:
In my view, Dumbfounded is well-suited for the title of your poem. Just a thought. |
I thought about it even when I wrote it. I may just forgot it since I didn't polish this poem as it was written spontaneously. Thanks Champagne and Christine for your suggestions. |
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu] ericcoliu作品集 二品总督 (刚入二品,小心做人)
注册时间: 2007-05-29 帖子: 1393 来自: GTA, Canada
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发表于: 星期三 五月 14, 2008 3:20 pm 发表主题: |
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In my view, the pulse of the poem is the mere articulation of a raw internal feeling, which I personally admire and respect. However, one question remains unanswered: how is it different from the reportage of disaster.
Share with you a poem, 拼圖, written by Taiwanese poet, 顏艾琳, which is an elegy to the victims of the 921 earthquake:
〈拼圖〉,顏艾琳
以此詩弔念九二一地震的受難者:
那一夜,在客廳玩拼圖
時間越來越晚,版圖還那麼大,
我想,等中秋節時
姊姊回家,再一起完成。
是誰在搖我?
我已經長大了,而且睡著
是誰將我搖入更深沉的眠睡中?
我睡了很久,
天一直沒亮;
但我聽到姊姊在門外喊
「弟弟,你在哪裡?」
然後我夢見,
自己和爸爸變成兩片拼圖,
躺在扭曲變形的圖框外,
沒有人將我們,
放回「家」的缺塊中。 _________________ Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul
最后进行编辑的是 ericcoliu on 星期四 五月 15, 2008 7:28 am, 总计第 1 次编辑 |
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Lake[Lake] Lake作品集 二品总督 (刚入二品,小心做人)
注册时间: 2006-10-10 帖子: 1341 来自: Sky Blue Water
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发表于: 星期三 五月 14, 2008 11:44 pm 发表主题: |
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Eric,
Your points are well taken. I agree it is raw because I don't want to repeat others and I don't think I could find anything new to say. Seemingly, I left out emotion because everyone has their own way of dealing with death. But I'm glad you caught the pulse of the poem anyway.
Thanks for sharing the Chinese poem of the same subject. It has rich imagination, and the image 拼圖 works well throughout the poem. The idea is very original. I like it very much.
I'll see what I can do with this piece, or keep your suggestion in mind when I write something new.
Cheers,
Lake |
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu] ericcoliu作品集 二品总督 (刚入二品,小心做人)
注册时间: 2007-05-29 帖子: 1393 来自: GTA, Canada
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发表于: 星期四 五月 15, 2008 8:48 am 发表主题: |
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Thanks for your tolerance of my opinionated suggestion.
Actually, I like the third stanza the most, which, in my view, you can use as a block of raw material from which you’ll chip your finished work. Make it short and image-centered (maybe another xiaoshi).
The rescue effort shown on Chinese television is highly unusual for a country that has a history of covering up the extent of natural calamities. I believe that this time the Chinese government, highly aware of being watched closely at home and abroad, is truly responsive to the needs of the earthquake victims. I deeply hope that this disaster can pull the country together, and bring them support.
Yes, pray, silently we pray. _________________ Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul |
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南柯舟[南柯舟] 南柯舟作品集 三品按察使 (天,你是斑竹吧?)
注册时间: 2007-02-14 帖子: 615 来自: SHANXI
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发表于: 星期四 五月 15, 2008 10:10 am 发表主题: |
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ericcoliu 写到: | In my view, the pulse of the poem is the mere articulation of a raw internal feeling, which I personally admire and respect. However, one question remains unanswered: how is it different from the reportage of disaster.
Share with you a poem, 拼圖, written by Taiwanese poet, 顏艾琳, which is an elegy to the victims of the 921 earthquake:
〈拼圖〉,顏艾琳
以此詩弔念九二一地震的受難者:
那一夜,在客廳玩拼圖
時間越來越晚,版圖還那麼大,
我想,等中秋節時
姊姊回家,再一起完成。
是誰在搖我?
我已經長大了,而且睡著
是誰將我搖入更深沉的眠睡中?
我睡了很久,
天一直沒亮;
但我聽到姊姊在門外喊
「弟弟,你在哪裡?」
然後我夢見,
自己和爸爸變成兩片拼圖,
躺在扭曲變形的圖框外,
沒有人將我們,
放回「家」的缺塊中。 |
欣赏! _________________ 诗歌可能是一种唯一生活在世间的生命与精神密切交流的暗夜中的幽灵,它是存在活生生的生命的文学体裁,它的眼睛能看到你我的灵魂,并游走在你我精神、魂魄、肉体的四周。 真正的真善美是敢于裸露的,放眼苍穹看去星空,那才是真爱、真善、真美。——南柯舟 |
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南柯舟[南柯舟] 南柯舟作品集 三品按察使 (天,你是斑竹吧?)
注册时间: 2007-02-14 帖子: 615 来自: SHANXI
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发表于: 星期四 五月 15, 2008 10:12 am 发表主题: |
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Lake,
I like it very much. _________________ 诗歌可能是一种唯一生活在世间的生命与精神密切交流的暗夜中的幽灵,它是存在活生生的生命的文学体裁,它的眼睛能看到你我的灵魂,并游走在你我精神、魂魄、肉体的四周。 真正的真善美是敢于裸露的,放眼苍穹看去星空,那才是真爱、真善、真美。——南柯舟 |
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温暖的水獸[温暖的水獸] 温暖的水獸作品集 五品知州 (再努力一把就是四品大员了!)
注册时间: 2008-04-23 帖子: 153 来自: 水族箱
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发表于: 星期四 五月 15, 2008 12:01 pm 发表主题: |
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Lake 写到: |
Thanks for sharing the Chinese poem of the same subject. It has rich imagination, and the image 拼圖 works well throughout the poem. The idea is very original. I like it very much.
Lake |
Yes.
顏艾琳這首詩在寫地震的情景,將大地與拼圖聯想在一起,當地震震 毀了多少家庭,就如同拼圖找不到「家」的那一塊,這是作者的靈心 慧意,將拼圖與地震毀壞地面的景象連想在一起。 _________________ 舌頭那匹温暖的水獸 馴養地在小小的水族箱中 蠕動
那獸說:是的 我願意 |
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fanfan[FFFFFF] fanfan作品集 四品府丞 (封疆大吏也!)
注册时间: 2007-12-27 帖子: 353 来自: Canada
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发表于: 星期三 五月 21, 2008 10:20 am 发表主题: Re: I find myself dumb -- 512 earthquake in Sichuan |
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Lake 写到: | Dumbfounded
-- 512 earthquake in Sichuan
A blood stained arm reaching
out of concrete debris,
whose hand is held tight, tightly held
by a hand outside: a battle
between death and life.
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Hand wringing, word wringing and a declaration of despair and hope.
Amid the debris of ruined dreams
The only moving thing
Was the bloodstained hand of Wenchuan _________________ Don't imitate me;
it's as boring
as the two halves of a melon. |
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Lake[Lake] Lake作品集 二品总督 (刚入二品,小心做人)
注册时间: 2006-10-10 帖子: 1341 来自: Sky Blue Water
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发表于: 星期四 五月 22, 2008 9:28 pm 发表主题: |
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Thanks 南柯舟, 水獸 and fanfan.
Most people may agree poetry is a made thing. But during this special time, I find mine is more of "a spontaneous over flow of passion". |
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