酷我-北美枫

[robarts]

眨眼，顾城

--在那错误的年代，我产生了这样的“错觉”。

我坚信
我目不转睛

彩虹
在喷泉中游动
温柔地顾盼行人
我一眨眼－－－

就变成了一团蛇影

时钟
在教堂里栖息
沉静地嗑着时辰
我一眨眼－－－
就变成了一口深井

红花
在银幕上绽开
兴奋地迎接春风
我一眨眼－－－

就变成了一片血腥

为了坚信
我双目圆睁



English Translation

I Blinked My Eyes
--During those mistaken years I had this "illusion"

I firmly believed.
I stared steadily.

A Rainbow
swam in a fountain,
gently surveying the passers-by.
I blinked my eyes －－

it turned into a ring of snakes.

A clock
perched in a church
calmly ticking the hours.
I blinked my eyes －－
it turned into a deep well.

A red blossom
burst on the silver screen
excitedly welcoming the spring wind.
I blinked my eyes －－

it turned into a pool of blood.

Now trying to keep my beliefs solid,
My eyes wide stay open all the time.
_________________
If one cannot enjoy reading a book over and over again, there is no use in reading it at all.

[[robarts]]

眨眼，顾城

--在那错误的年代，我产生了这样的“错觉”。

我坚信
我目不转睛

彩虹
在喷泉中游动
温柔地顾盼行人
我一眨眼－－－

就变成了一团蛇影

时钟
在教堂里栖息
沉静地嗑着时辰
我一眨眼－－－
就变成了一口深井

红花
在银幕上绽开
兴奋地迎接春风
我一眨眼－－－

就变成了一片血腥

为了坚信
我双目圆睁



English Translation

I Blinked My Eyes
--During those mistaken years I had this "illusion"

I firmly believed.
I stared steadily.

A Rainbow
swam in a fountain,
gently surveying the passers-by.
I blinked my eyes －－

it turned into a ring of snakes.

A clock
perched in a church
calmly ticking the hours.
I blinked my eyes －－
it turned into a deep well.

A red blossom
burst on the silver screen
excitedly welcoming the spring wind.
I blinked my eyes －－

it turned into a pool of blood.

Now trying to keep my beliefs solid,
My eyes wide stay open all the time.
_________________
If one cannot enjoy reading a book over and over again, there is no use in reading it at all.

[Champagne]

[[Champagne]]

[Lake]

robarts,

You translation retains the same structure as that of the original, good.

Here are my two cents if you don't mind:

silently cracking the hours - We say a clock tic tocks...

burst on the silver screen - Do you think 'silver' is needed?

it turned into a field of blood - Would 'a pool of blood' be better?

gently searching among the passers-by - 'searching', doesn't quite translate the meaning '顾盼', I'm afraid.

These are only minors, good effort though.

Cheers,

Lake

[[Lake]]

robarts,

You translation retains the same structure as that of the original, good.

Here are my two cents if you don't mind:

silently cracking the hours - We say a clock tic tocks...

burst on the silver screen - Do you think 'silver' is needed?

it turned into a field of blood - Would 'a pool of blood' be better?

gently searching among the passers-by - 'searching', doesn't quite translate the meaning '顾盼', I'm afraid.

These are only minors, good effort though.

Cheers,

Lake

[Champagne]

[[Champagne]]

[fanfan]

[[FAFAFA]]

[温暖的水獸]

[[温暖的水獸]]

[robarts]

[[robarts]]

[robarts]

[[robarts]]

[robarts]

[[robarts]]

[fanfan]

[[FFFFFF]]

[戴玨]

时钟
在教堂里栖息
沉静地嗑着时辰

A clock
perched in a church
calmly ticking the hours
_________________
我的blog:
http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1310527443

[[Edgar]]

时钟
在教堂里栖息
沉静地嗑着时辰

A clock
perched in a church
calmly ticking the hours
_________________
我的blog:
http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1310527443

[robarts]

[[robarts]]

[dundas]

The revised translation is good. I like his poetry and have translated his Sunset (在夕光里).

I'm eager to read your comment on my translation.


This poem reads like a companion piece to his This Generation translated by Christine:

The pitch black nights have given me black eyes
with which I search for light.
_________________
My throat knew thirst before the structure
Of skin and vein around the well

[[dundas]]

The revised translation is good. I like his poetry and have translated his Sunset (在夕光里).

I'm eager to read your comment on my translation.


This poem reads like a companion piece to his This Generation translated by Christine:

The pitch black nights have given me black eyes
with which I search for light.
_________________
My throat knew thirst before the structure
Of skin and vein around the well

[robarts]

[[robarts]]

[fanfan]

[[FAFAFA]]