酷我-北美枫

anna · Site Admin 注册时间: 2004-05-02 帖子: 7141

Once, you graced a garden
with fresh wonder, the fragrance
of nature and confidences whispered
on the wind; your blossom
receptive to a clumsy gardener
while his hand trembled lightly
with exuberance. Once
your colors brightened
the shaded greens, your petals
alert, appreciative. Where
did you go, Lotus, how is it
no seed remains to propagate
you anew; no root in the water, no peat pot
with a rising bud? The gardener almost resigned
to this illusory one-of-a-kind
blossoming on the zephyrs
and gone. . .

4/25/08

more poems are here

http://www.tvbpoetree.blogspot.com/
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Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

anna · Site Admin 注册时间: 2004-05-02 帖子: 7141

翻了一下...请批

曾经，你以清新的奇妙，
自然的芬芳,
细喃于风中的秘语,
带来庭院的荣光。
你灿烂的花季
领受着一位笨拙的花匠 -
他的手轻轻颤动,
欢欣兴奋。曾经，
你的色彩照亮了
遮蔽着的绿叶，花瓣
矜持高雅。
而你去了哪里，莲花?
如何就没有
种子保留着去复兴新的你;
也没有根种植于水里，
甚至没有泥罐里挺立的花苞？
花匠几乎屈从于
这样的幻觉, 在轻风中莲独一的绽放,
已经远去。。。。。。
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Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

anna · Site Admin 注册时间: 2004-05-02 帖子: 7141

I asked Doug with a few questions.
Here is his reply. I want to share this because it is good for us to understand how poets make words selection.

You asked:

> BTW, the last sentence, I need your explanation to break it down to
> complete sentence for understanding... (for example, what is gone? the
> blooming? )

The "blooming" - yes, but that is an allusion to the presence of one
noted from the very beginning with "you graced a garden". So there's
an interplay of the flower with a human presence. The gardener is mourning
his lack of ability to keep the flower, to sustain it, to assist in it's resurgence -- and this is reinforced by the repetition of "Once" -
and the direct question "Where did you go . . . ?" He's "almost" lost hope
perhaps this love
was merely an "illusion" - something he's made up out of his imagination.

Even more devastating in a way is the use of "zephyr"

The word, as you know means:

1. Literary: The west wind (when the Z is capitalized).
2. A gentle breeze.
3. Any of various soft light fabrics, yarns, or garments.
4. Something that is airy, insubstantial, or passing.

I had no need for some literary allusion here, therefore no capital Z. But all the rest fit so well: gentle, light garments, and the 4th definition which is related to something ephemeral, an evanescent experience . . .
that is to say:
something "gone".

Does that help?

Doug
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Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

robarts

christine · 发表于: 星期三四月 30, 2008 1:39 pm 发表主题:

星子 · 发表于: 星期三四月 30, 2008 2:37 pm 发表主题:

Hi christine,

confidence here I believe to mean secret, so I use 心绪/心事

shaded green (I believe the poet use the metaphor to contrast it with the fresh Lotus) ( Lotus, you, green, the gardener) so I translate it as 隐蔽的绿叶

ｒｅｖｉｓｅｄ　ｉｔ。

Ｔｈａｎｋｓ。
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ericcoliu · 发表于: 星期三四月 30, 2008 4:43 pm 发表主题:

anna · Site Admin 注册时间: 2004-05-02 帖子: 7141

I also concern the last sentence.

But I think both work by using noun or adjective.
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Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

Lake · 发表于: 星期三四月 30, 2008 9:17 pm 发表主题:

This is a tender, exquisite write, therefore needs more time reading and careful selection of words in translation.

Eric is right wrt One-of-its-kind, meaning 独特的，独一无二的。 By the way what is clumy? Do you mean clumsy?

In addition to others' comments, I would add one of mine if you don't mind.

anna · Site Admin 注册时间: 2004-05-02 帖子: 7141

Hi Lake,

I feel it is the blossom that is receptive to the gardener, but the translation reads like the gardener is receptive to the blossom. Am I right?

I don't think so. For me, to translate it word by word will lose the beauty of the poem and not fit in chinese, since In chinese, we use more acctive than passtive.

As for receptive, I understand it means the gardener feels and perceives the blossom, and willing to receive it.
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Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

星子 · 发表于: 星期四五月 01, 2008 12:13 pm 发表主题:

Painted by Pinar Paputçu
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Lake · 发表于: 星期五五月 02, 2008 1:43 pm 发表主题:

Beautiful display.

星子 · 发表于: 星期五五月 02, 2008 2:17 pm 发表主题:

Hi Lake,

Thank you for your comments. receptive is not easy to translate. No poetic word to match ...

your blossom
( is ) receptive to a clumsy gardener

The gardener 敏悟 ... makes sense and works fine. In my eyes.
receptive or acceptive,

Alert, for me, I think it means 矜持.
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星子 · 发表于: 星期六五月 03, 2008 8:45 am 发表主题:

Thanks all for your input.

Doug will share it with his chinese friends in F.L. and he promised to let me know their comments. If so, I will post them here.
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anna · Site Admin 注册时间: 2004-05-02 帖子: 7141

Feedback from Doug's chinese friends.

Peng Wang was effusive in his praise of your translation - he kept saying "It is beautiful, it is beautiful" - referring to your use, as he put it of "Chinese poetic language".

So that, and your poem HELP! - were very well received.

we make a good team!

Doug
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Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com