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Which one better?

 
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注册时间: 2004-05-02
帖子: 1157
来自: 加拿大 多伦多

帖子发表于: 星期三 七月 31, 2013 12:21 pm    发表主题: Which one better? 引用并回复

was asked if we want to write some response for Poetry In Transit project... I wrote these, which version you like better?

My Poem on Buses
-after Billy Collins

Unlike at a kitchen table,
a dragon lady lifts a cup of cinnamon tea,
lips slightly parted;


The Still Life,
I, narrate on buses—
It is like a red cardinal
striving to fly out.

Riders come and go…
Our life journeys
meet then depart.

My Poem on Buses
-after Billy Collins

Unlike at a kitchen table,
a dragon lady lifts a cup of cinnamon tea,
lips slightly parted;


The Still Life,
I, narrate on buses—
It is like a black bird
striving to fly out.

Riders come and go…
Our life journeys
meet then depart.


最后进行编辑的是 coviews on 星期四 八月 08, 2013 11:20 am, 总计第 1 次编辑
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注册时间: 2004-05-02
帖子: 7141

帖子发表于: 星期四 八月 08, 2013 11:19 am    发表主题: 引用并回复

After reading this,
I guess I will like the black bird verson more

http://flavorwire.com/217118/10-poems-everyone-needs-to-read/9

“Thirteen Ways of Looking at a Blackbird,” Wallace Stevens

This is a traditional teaching poem in many ways, austere and haiku-esque, but it’s also a very satisfying exercise in perception.

I
Among twenty snowy mountains,
The only moving thing
Was the eye of the blackbird.

II
I was of three minds,
Like a tree
In which there are three blackbirds.

III
The blackbird whirled in the autumn winds.
It was a small part of the pantomime.

IV
A man and a woman
Are one.
A man and a woman and a blackbird
Are one.

V
I do not know which to prefer,
The beauty of inflections
Or the beauty of innuendoes,
The blackbird whistling
Or just after.

VI
Icicles filled the long window
With barbaric glass.
The shadow of the blackbird
Crossed it, to and fro.
The mood
Traced in the shadow
An indecipherable cause.

VII
O thin men of Haddam,
Why do you imagine golden birds?
Do you not see how the blackbird
Walks around the feet
Of the women about you?

VIII
I know noble accents
And lucid, inescapable rhythms;
But I know, too,
That the blackbird is involved
In what I know.

IX
When the blackbird flew out of sight,
It marked the edge
Of one of many circles.

X
At the sight of blackbirds
Flying in a green light,
Even the bawds of euphony
Would cry out sharply.

XI
He rode over Connecticut
In a glass coach.
Once, a fear pierced him,
In that he mistook
The shadow of his equipage
For blackbirds.

XII
The river is moving.
The blackbird must be flying.

XIII
It was evening all afternoon.
It was snowing
And it was going to snow.
The blackbird sat
In the cedar-limbs.
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com
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