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星子[ANNA] 星子作品集 酷我!I made it!
注册时间: 2004-06-05 帖子: 13192 来自: Toronto
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发表于: 星期三 二月 17, 2010 9:43 am 发表主题: Drawing a tiger |
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On our bed,
I sketch the shape of a tiger.
On his skin, I draw stripes
of gold and black.
As for his paws, I paint
spring colors.
It is weird,
he turns his ice-cold face.
It is summer.
I whisper.
Wrapping him within,
my fingers dance their fire-tongues.
The winter night melts
into a sudden creek. _________________
最后进行编辑的是 星子 on 星期六 三月 13, 2010 11:51 am, 总计第 2 次编辑 |
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Lake[Lake] Lake作品集 二品总督 (刚入二品,小心做人)
注册时间: 2006-10-10 帖子: 1341 来自: Sky Blue Water
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发表于: 星期三 二月 17, 2010 4:45 pm 发表主题: Re: Drawing a tiger |
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写于虎年的诗。
星子 写到: | On our bed,
I sketch the shape of a tiger. -- Would "I sketch a tiger" enough?
On his skin, I draw stripes
of golden and black.
As for his paws, I paint
spring color. -- so his paws are painted green?
It is weird,
he turns his ice-cold face.
It is summer.
I whisper.
Wrapping him within. -- where was he wrapped within? A period doesn't look right here.
my fingers dance their fire-tongues. You have bold metaphors - your fingers are fire-tongues.
The winter night melts
into a sudden creek. |
I read it as your usual style.
Write well. |
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anna[星子安娜] anna作品集 Site Admin
注册时间: 2004-05-02 帖子: 7141
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发表于: 星期三 二月 17, 2010 9:02 pm 发表主题: |
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Hi Lake.
Thank you very much. Yes. The period needs to change into comma.
Others also asked why I painted the paws like green.
I remember once I saw a famous painting of tiger which is with very unuasal color. I never forget it.
Yes. it is weird. I want to make poems more interesting and entertaining. I also want to lie it between dreams and reality.
Thank you very much for sharing your comments and thoughts.
Anna _________________ ---------------------
Anna Yin
《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...
http://annapoetry.com |
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