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Moontarn - Barrie

 
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Lake[Lake]
Lake作品集

二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2006-10-10
帖子: 1341
来自: Sky Blue Water

帖子发表于: 星期五 一月 09, 2009 10:25 am    发表主题: Moontarn - Barrie 引用并回复




Moontarn

Barrie

cherry
dips its lip of
blossom
into
the moon

whispers ripple
through
the silver night


山湖月色
- In memory of Barrie

樱花
唇瓣


月中

轻语涟漪
弥漫
银色夜空


I had this poem translated a while ago, but never had had the nerve to show it because I thought my translation was not comparable to Barrie's original. Now that he's gone, not even had a chance to read it.

In recent months he has built quite a portfolio of musings on death, all are marked with his usual Barrie-esque characteristics – humor, sarcasm, shrewdness, and poetic craft…

This is the last one he wrote on Dec. 29, 2008

A Meeting with the Almighty

I'll see you
tomorrow,
I said.

I'll be there,
but you won't,
came the retort.

What makes you say that?

I know everything,
I made it so.

If you're saying it's all preordained,
then I'll prove you wrong.

I knew you'd say that,
so I moved you forward
by a day.
You never showed up.

How do you know,
you've been here all the time.

I'm omnipresent and omniscient.

You're a cheat.

Just omnipotent.

Do you exist, then?

Why,
asked God,
do you need proof?


Now when I came back to read it again,

I knew you'd say that,
so I moved you forward
by a day.
You never showed up.


I can't help asking "Why did you argue with God, Barrie." It is so ominous. Crying or Very sad
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu]
ericcoliu作品集

二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2007-05-29
帖子: 1393
来自: GTA, Canada

帖子发表于: 星期五 一月 09, 2009 5:57 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

Riveting imagery of a cherry branch dipping into the moon's reflection in the still waters

The Chinese title resonates with the mood of the poem. Excellent.

Lake, My condolences to you on your loss of a beloved friend.
_________________
Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul
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anna[星子安娜]
anna作品集

Site Admin


注册时间: 2004-05-02
帖子: 7141

帖子发表于: 星期五 一月 09, 2009 7:06 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

Hi Lake,

Sorry to hear that.

Take care.

Anna
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com
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浴恩福[浴恩福]
浴恩福作品集

六品通判
(官儿做大了,保持廉洁哦)
六品通判<BR>(官儿做大了,保持廉洁哦)


注册时间: 2008-05-08
帖子: 123
来自: 多倫多

帖子发表于: 星期六 一月 10, 2009 4:29 pm    发表主题: Re: Moontarn - Barrie 引用并回复

Lake, my condolences to you on your loss.

Lake 写到:



Moontarn[/b]
Barrie

cherry
dips its lip of
blossom
into
the moon

whispers ripple
through
the silver night


山湖月色
- In memory of Barrie

樱花
唇瓣


月中



Moontarn or Moon Tarn?

The layout of the first stanza of the Chinese version is impressive, grasping the ideas explored in its English counterpart.
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報三恩、耕三大福田
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川生[川生]
川生作品集

七品按察司
(我开始管这里的事儿了)
七品按察司<BR>(我开始管这里的事儿了)


注册时间: 2008-09-18
帖子: 72

帖子发表于: 星期一 一月 12, 2009 2:11 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

I like the Chinese translation immensely, especially the concluding stanza.

Lake, my condolences for your loss.
_________________
Lines go off in all directions.
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Lake[Lake]
Lake作品集

二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2006-10-10
帖子: 1341
来自: Sky Blue Water

帖子发表于: 星期日 一月 18, 2009 9:47 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

Thanks eric, anna, 浴恩福 and 川生 for your sympathy.

引用:
a cherry branch dipping into the moon's reflection in the still waters


That's the author's exact words that he wanted to convey in this poem, thanks for quoting that, eric.

引用:

Moontarn or Moon Tarn?


Thanks 浴恩福 for the question. "moontarn" is a made up word by the author who had a very creative mind, a lover of words. Another example is "froghop". Lots of them, and they all made sense.
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Lake[Lake]
Lake作品集

二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2006-10-10
帖子: 1341
来自: Sky Blue Water

帖子发表于: 星期日 一月 18, 2009 10:36 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

Drinking with Li Po
- for Barrie

For nine and fifty years
you’ve rowed on Moontarn
like a fool, hair whitened
with reed catkins, teasing
the formless omnipresent
the nonexistent omniscient
and singing to Aphrodite
Now you jump into the water
to catch the moon –
what splashing!
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Lake[Lake]
Lake作品集

二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2006-10-10
帖子: 1341
来自: Sky Blue Water

帖子发表于: 星期一 一月 19, 2009 4:40 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

Barrie also wrote good haiku, with ease. Here are my five dedicated to him.

our last summer
fades into fluffy snow -
butterflies in dreams

cold dawn
candle’s blown off -
unfinished lines…

moonless night
a lone tarn gently rocks
a tired boat

a robin sings
with a coarse voice -
silent cherry blossoms

foggy sunshine
how beautiful
blooming camellia!
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