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Out in the early morning

 
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Lake[Lake]
Lake作品集

二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2006-10-10
帖子: 1341
来自: Sky Blue Water

帖子发表于: 星期六 七月 19, 2008 11:19 pm    发表主题: Out in the early morning 引用并回复

(An oldie, dug up, edited, now repost.)

Out in the early morning

Dawn, a wooden cabin asleep.
Alone I take a trodden path
to Yellowstone Lake,
where everything is calm, quiet.
A tree trunk lies ashore,
half buried in the sand.
I climb on it and sit. Suddenly,
a golden gopher scurries away
under my bare feet,
as a line of wild ducks dot the waves,
rising and falling. Not far,
a man is fishing, content,
reminiscent of a legendary old man,
fishing with a straight hook, no bait.
I smile at this thought.
Again, the ripples roll gold and silver
dropped by the new sun.
I regret missing its leaping from the horizon -
its splendor, majesty.
The far ranges are
a mirage in the hazy clouds,
while the water murmurs rhythmically
against the shore, as if singing,
"Come earlier next morning."
My book lies forgotten in my hand.

.


最后进行编辑的是 Lake on 星期一 七月 21, 2008 12:22 pm, 总计第 2 次编辑
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Champagne[Champagne]
Champagne作品集

四品府丞
(封疆大吏也!)
四品府丞<BR>(封疆大吏也!)


注册时间: 2007-09-15
帖子: 394
来自: Nowhere & Everywhere

帖子发表于: 星期日 七月 20, 2008 10:33 am    发表主题: 引用并回复

Contrasting imagery of the constantly thinking mind and the serene natural world (surely including the content fisherman).

The poem ends calmly in contentment, and I like its ending.
_________________
I'm Champagne,
Bottled poetry with sparkling joy.


最后进行编辑的是 Champagne on 星期一 七月 21, 2008 8:43 pm, 总计第 1 次编辑
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anna[星子安娜]
anna作品集

Site Admin


注册时间: 2004-05-02
帖子: 7141

帖子发表于: 星期日 七月 20, 2008 5:46 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

Hi Lake,

I think I read this from you before. If not, at lease, the ending.

I think it is good.

Anna
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com
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非马[FFFFFF]
非马作品集

二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2005-10-15
帖子: 1053

帖子发表于: 星期一 七月 21, 2008 9:51 am    发表主题: 引用并回复

Hi, Lake,

I like the revision. However, the "his" in the following two lines might be confused with the fisherman. How about using "its" instead?

I regret missing his leaping from the horizon -
his splendor, majesty.
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Lake[Lake]
Lake作品集

二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2006-10-10
帖子: 1341
来自: Sky Blue Water

帖子发表于: 星期一 七月 21, 2008 12:21 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

Champagne,

Thanks for spotting the fisherman and your like of the ending.

anna,

I'm sure you read this before. As I said it was an oldie reedited with some tinkering. Thanks for remembering the ending. A lot of people like it. Smile

Lake
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Lake[Lake]
Lake作品集

二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2006-10-10
帖子: 1341
来自: Sky Blue Water

帖子发表于: 星期一 七月 21, 2008 12:28 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

Hi Mr. Fei Ma,

Thanks for coming back to this. You have a discerning eye.
How I hope 'his' can mean both! But it is impossible for the fisherman to leap. Laughing

I have it corrected.

Thanks much!

Lake
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu]
ericcoliu作品集

二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2007-05-29
帖子: 1393
来自: GTA, Canada

帖子发表于: 星期一 七月 21, 2008 9:01 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

As the poem proceeds, it moves toward serenity, the mood that combines joy and earnestness.

I like the ending, too.
_________________
Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul
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