阅读上一个主题 :: 阅读下一个主题 |
作者 |
留言 |
Lake[Lake] Lake作品集 二品总督 (刚入二品,小心做人)
注册时间: 2006-10-10 帖子: 1341 来自: Sky Blue Water
|
发表于: 星期六 七月 19, 2008 11:19 pm 发表主题: Out in the early morning |
|
|
(An oldie, dug up, edited, now repost.)
Out in the early morning
Dawn, a wooden cabin asleep.
Alone I take a trodden path
to Yellowstone Lake,
where everything is calm, quiet.
A tree trunk lies ashore,
half buried in the sand.
I climb on it and sit. Suddenly,
a golden gopher scurries away
under my bare feet,
as a line of wild ducks dot the waves,
rising and falling. Not far,
a man is fishing, content,
reminiscent of a legendary old man,
fishing with a straight hook, no bait.
I smile at this thought.
Again, the ripples roll gold and silver
dropped by the new sun.
I regret missing its leaping from the horizon -
its splendor, majesty.
The far ranges are
a mirage in the hazy clouds,
while the water murmurs rhythmically
against the shore, as if singing,
"Come earlier next morning."
My book lies forgotten in my hand.
.
最后进行编辑的是 Lake on 星期一 七月 21, 2008 12:22 pm, 总计第 2 次编辑 |
|
返回页首 |
|
|
Champagne[Champagne] Champagne作品集 四品府丞 (封疆大吏也!)
注册时间: 2007-09-15 帖子: 394 来自: Nowhere & Everywhere
|
发表于: 星期日 七月 20, 2008 10:33 am 发表主题: |
|
|
Contrasting imagery of the constantly thinking mind and the serene natural world (surely including the content fisherman).
The poem ends calmly in contentment, and I like its ending. _________________ I'm Champagne,
Bottled poetry with sparkling joy.
最后进行编辑的是 Champagne on 星期一 七月 21, 2008 8:43 pm, 总计第 1 次编辑 |
|
返回页首 |
|
|
anna[星子安娜] anna作品集 Site Admin
注册时间: 2004-05-02 帖子: 7141
|
发表于: 星期日 七月 20, 2008 5:46 pm 发表主题: |
|
|
Hi Lake,
I think I read this from you before. If not, at lease, the ending.
I think it is good.
Anna _________________ ---------------------
Anna Yin
《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...
http://annapoetry.com |
|
返回页首 |
|
|
非马[FFFFFF] 非马作品集 二品总督 (刚入二品,小心做人)
注册时间: 2005-10-15 帖子: 1053
|
发表于: 星期一 七月 21, 2008 9:51 am 发表主题: |
|
|
Hi, Lake,
I like the revision. However, the "his" in the following two lines might be confused with the fisherman. How about using "its" instead?
I regret missing his leaping from the horizon -
his splendor, majesty. |
|
返回页首 |
|
|
Lake[Lake] Lake作品集 二品总督 (刚入二品,小心做人)
注册时间: 2006-10-10 帖子: 1341 来自: Sky Blue Water
|
发表于: 星期一 七月 21, 2008 12:21 pm 发表主题: |
|
|
Champagne,
Thanks for spotting the fisherman and your like of the ending.
anna,
I'm sure you read this before. As I said it was an oldie reedited with some tinkering. Thanks for remembering the ending. A lot of people like it.
Lake |
|
返回页首 |
|
|
Lake[Lake] Lake作品集 二品总督 (刚入二品,小心做人)
注册时间: 2006-10-10 帖子: 1341 来自: Sky Blue Water
|
发表于: 星期一 七月 21, 2008 12:28 pm 发表主题: |
|
|
Hi Mr. Fei Ma,
Thanks for coming back to this. You have a discerning eye.
How I hope 'his' can mean both! But it is impossible for the fisherman to leap.
I have it corrected.
Thanks much!
Lake |
|
返回页首 |
|
|
ericcoliu[ericcoliu] ericcoliu作品集 二品总督 (刚入二品,小心做人)
注册时间: 2007-05-29 帖子: 1393 来自: GTA, Canada
|
发表于: 星期一 七月 21, 2008 9:01 pm 发表主题: |
|
|
As the poem proceeds, it moves toward serenity, the mood that combines joy and earnestness.
I like the ending, too. _________________ Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul |
|
返回页首 |
|
|
|
|
您不能发布新主题 您不能在这个论坛回复主题 您不能在这个论坛编辑自己的帖子 您不能在这个论坛删除自己的帖子 您不能在这个论坛发表投票
|
本论坛欢迎广大文学爱好者不拘一格地发表创作和评论.凡在网站发表的作品,即视为向《北美枫》丛书, 《诗歌榜》和《酷我电子杂志》投稿(暂无稿费, 请谅)。如果您的作品不想编入《北美枫》或《诗歌榜》或《酷我电子杂志》,请在发帖时注明。 作品版权归原作者.文责自负.作品的观点与<酷我-北美枫>网站无关.请勿用于商业,宗教和政治宣传.论坛上严禁人身攻击.管理员有权删除作品.
Powered by phpBB 2.0.8 © 2001, 2002 phpBB Group phpBB 简体中文界面由 iCy-fLaME 更新翻译
|