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tanka

 
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Lake[Lake]
Lake作品集

二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2006-10-10
帖子: 1341
来自: Sky Blue Water

帖子发表于: 星期五 四月 04, 2008 10:09 pm    发表主题: tanka 引用并回复

helpless on the couch
my once vigorous father
points to the clivia
that unfurls its petals
in the morning dew


along the floor board
on the carpet a wet stain
where mould grows
day by day, a young heart
gradually filled with mildew


最后进行编辑的是 Lake on 星期三 四月 09, 2008 3:54 pm, 总计第 1 次编辑
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu]
ericcoliu作品集

二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2007-05-29
帖子: 1393
来自: GTA, Canada

帖子发表于: 星期六 四月 05, 2008 7:07 am    发表主题: Re: tanka 引用并回复

Lake 写到:


my once vigorous father
points to the clivia
that unfurl its petals
in the morning dew


day by day, a young heart
gradually filled with mildew


It's really heart-wrenching to see one's parents aging and just not the same as they once were.

I hope,

"in the dew of little things, the heart finds its morning and is refreshed." — Kahlil Gibran
_________________
Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul
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christine[christine]
christine作品集

四品府丞
(封疆大吏也!)
四品府丞<BR>(封疆大吏也!)


注册时间: 2008-02-25
帖子: 304

帖子发表于: 星期六 四月 05, 2008 12:46 pm    发表主题: Re: tanka 引用并回复

Lake 写到:


helpless on the couch
my once vigorous father
points to the clivia
that unfurl its petals
in the morning dew


along the floor board
on the carpet a wet stain
where mould grows
day by day, a young heart
gradually filled with mildew


A disheartening parallel between the worrying speaker and the aging parent.
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星子[ANNA]
星子作品集

酷我!I made it!
酷我!I made it!


注册时间: 2004-06-05
帖子: 13192
来自: Toronto

帖子发表于: 星期六 四月 05, 2008 8:48 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

Sometimes when I see my parents get old, I am sad.
But last year they looked younger, it made me think how to grow old.
Age may not be the feareast . . .
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dundas[dundas]
dundas作品集

五品知州
(再努力一把就是四品大员了!)
五品知州<BR>(再努力一把就是四品大员了!)


注册时间: 2008-02-23
帖子: 214

帖子发表于: 星期一 四月 07, 2008 12:36 pm    发表主题: Re: tanka 引用并回复

Lake 写到:


helpless on the couch
my once vigorous father
points to the clivia
that unfurl its petals
in the morning dew



along the floor board
on the carpet a wet stain
where mould grows
day by day, a young heart
gradually filled with mildew


A saddening parallel.
_________________
My throat knew thirst before the structure
Of skin and vein around the well
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Lake[Lake]
Lake作品集

二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2006-10-10
帖子: 1341
来自: Sky Blue Water

帖子发表于: 星期三 四月 09, 2008 3:52 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

Thank you all for the comments.

Interesting enough, these two verses were not written at the same time nor intended to be put together. Like Haiku, Tanka usually does not have a title unless a few are written in a sequence then a title is given. That's why I didn't have a title for them, I didn't number them either since they were not written in a sequence. From the readers' reaction however, it looks like these two seem to have a linkage.

Yeah, heart-wrenching, disheartening, saddening, that's all the poem tries to convey.

"Age may not be the feareast", aging alone may not be the most frightening thing, but aging plus being sick plus being helpless plus being alone is, I suppose.

Thanks again.
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fanfan[FAFAFA]
fanfan作品集

四品府丞
(封疆大吏也!)
四品府丞<BR>(封疆大吏也!)


注册时间: 2007-12-27
帖子: 353
来自: Canada

帖子发表于: 星期六 四月 12, 2008 8:11 am    发表主题: 引用并回复

Lake 写到:


Interesting enough, these two verses were not written at the same time nor intended to be put together. Like Haiku, Tanka usually does not have a title unless a few are written in a sequence then a title is given. That's why I didn't have a title for them, I didn't number them either since they were not written in a sequence. From the readers' reaction however, it looks like these two seem to have a linkage.



For some, reading is like adventures in border-crossing.
_________________
Don't imitate me;
it's as boring
as the two halves of a melon.
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Lake[Lake]
Lake作品集

二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2006-10-10
帖子: 1341
来自: Sky Blue Water

帖子发表于: 星期日 四月 13, 2008 12:33 am    发表主题: 引用并回复

fanfan 写到:

For some, reading is like adventures in border-crossing.


Good point. It is the charm of reading.
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