酷我-北美枫

anna · Site Admin 注册时间: 2004-05-02 帖子: 7141

will release after one month. thanks for previous comments.

robarts · 发表于: 星期四三月 27, 2008 12:28 pm 发表主题: Re: Mirror

星子 · 发表于: 星期五三月 28, 2008 7:23 am 发表主题:

Comments from Penshell

Hi Anna

IMO you don't need to begin each stanza with 'Hei mirror'. I think it works well, even better, without it.

S1 - exist

I'm unsure if Plath and Atwood add anything significant. Maybe descriptors/metaphor would do a better job. But wait for the feedback of others. They may tell you differently.

I think the final stanza needs beefing up. As it is it doesn't have the sting this reader was hoping for.

Best wishes

michael ...
When we learn to live in the moment, we truly become immortal
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星子 · 发表于: 星期五三月 28, 2008 7:23 am 发表主题:

Comments from Penshell

Hi Lotus,

I love the idea of Atwood carrying a mirror from room to room. With Plath I would add something peculiar to her aesthetic that would bring the reader further into her cold universe.

I might even add a few other characters with mirrors which would enrich the concept you already have going. I think it's an excellent concept.

I'm not sure about the Hei mirror. If you decide to expand the poem you can perhaps keep a couple and omit a couple?

e
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戴玨

anna · Site Admin 注册时间: 2004-05-02 帖子: 7141

Hi Edgar,

Good suggestion. Yes, hollow is better, along with ... yes!

Thanks.

Anna
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Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

anna · Site Admin 注册时间: 2004-05-02 帖子: 7141

From Penshell . . .

I read this as the poet speaking to her inner self - her Muse, if you will. We're all initially inspired and influenced by specific writers; in her case, Plath and Atwood appear to have filled that role. We all carry around, inside us, miniatures of our poetic forebears. We must speak with our own voices but theirs continually remind us of where we came from.

I think the "you" is the poet's writer-persona. We're usually split people - we write on the one hand, and carry out our regular lives on the other. But we often question our creative half, challenge it and even doubt it.

The last line is the only one that threw me a bit. I would have expect "you" instead of "she" - if the "you" is the inner poet. Otherwise, there would be two "shes" - Plath and Atwood - which would make it "they". Maybe I'm just a little unclear about the meaning of that line, though.

I like the intriguing ideas behind this piece. I, too, have read both Plath and Atwood with appreciation and a certain amount of empathy. Margaret Atwood's family actually comes from "down shore" - Shelburne County, only an hour's drive from me. She visits them quite often although I've never been lucky enough to meet her. One of my closest friends, however, is married to an Atwood and they're all related.

Brenda
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Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

anna · Site Admin 注册时间: 2004-05-02 帖子: 7141

Hi Brenda,

Thanks for your reading and understanding.

Yes, the last line I perfer to be

They, inside.

Since I mean sometimes we are all the same . . . I were Plath, Atwood . . . or other women. We have similar struggle and strifles.

Our inner self may be the same . . .
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Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

dundas

星子 · 发表于: 星期一三月 31, 2008 12:21 pm 发表主题:

Hi Dundas,

I agree with you. I play a little trick with mirrors.
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