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ericcoliu[ericcoliu] ericcoliu作品集 二品总督 (刚入二品,小心做人)
注册时间: 2007-05-29 帖子: 1393 来自: GTA, Canada
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发表于: 星期五 二月 15, 2008 8:59 am 发表主题: I Love You to Death, 愛你至死 (bilingual, revised) |
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Reading, Writing, and Life on the Page
I Love You to Death
I slice your shadow
of flesh and bone
salt and pickle the cutlets
and put them in a jar
When hungry
I'll have a slice
with wine
愛你至死
我將你的身影
切成薄片
加鹽並醃浸
裝入瓶子
餓的時候
取一片
下酒
Note
The poem above is my belated response to Valentine Day and my tribute to woman poet Hsia Yu (1956, Taiwan), one of Taiwan's most original poets and whose poems play with the power politics between man and woman and often put a surprising, highly individual perspective on the centuries-old theme of love. _________________ Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul
最后进行编辑的是 ericcoliu on 星期日 二月 24, 2008 8:13 pm, 总计第 6 次编辑 |
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星子[ANNA] 星子作品集 酷我!I made it!
注册时间: 2004-06-05 帖子: 13192 来自: Toronto
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发表于: 星期五 二月 15, 2008 10:11 am 发表主题: |
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Hi Eric,
I have difficulty to understand " slice your shadow of flesh and bones" _________________
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fanfan[FAFAFA] fanfan作品集 四品府丞 (封疆大吏也!)
注册时间: 2007-12-27 帖子: 353 来自: Canada
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发表于: 星期五 二月 15, 2008 10:43 am 发表主题: Re: I Love You to Death |
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ericcoliu 写到: |
I Love You to Death
I slice your shadow
of flesh and bones
salt and pickle them
and put them into a jar
When hungry
I'll have a slice with wine.
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Oh, poor you. You cannot get rid of your lost love.
In some way, this poem is a twin version of Margaret Atwood's You Fit into Me -- eating ("slice your shadow of flesh and bones / ... / I'll have a slice" and poking ("a fish hook into an open eye") _________________ Don't imitate me;
it's as boring
as the two halves of a melon. |
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu] ericcoliu作品集 二品总督 (刚入二品,小心做人)
注册时间: 2007-05-29 帖子: 1393 来自: GTA, Canada
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发表于: 星期五 二月 15, 2008 11:10 am 发表主题: |
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星子 写到: |
I have difficulty to understand " slice your shadow of flesh and bones" |
What I'm trying to do in this line is to emphasize the realness ("flesh and bones") of loss love ("your shadow").
Thanks for reading my piece and sharing your view.
Now, I add a Chinese version of it, which I haven't done for two years. _________________ Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul |
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu] ericcoliu作品集 二品总督 (刚入二品,小心做人)
注册时间: 2007-05-29 帖子: 1393 来自: GTA, Canada
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发表于: 星期五 二月 15, 2008 11:21 am 发表主题: Re: I Love You to Death |
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fanfan 写到: |
Oh, poor you. You cannot get rid of your lost love.
In some way, this poem is a twin version of Margaret Atwood's You Fit into Me -- eating ("slice your shadow of flesh and bones / ... / I'll have a slice" and poking ("a fish hook into an open eye")
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Yes. Remembrance of lost love. A poem to mend a broken heart.
Eating and poking? Ha! Ha! No joking. I'm not engaged in any form of cannibal love or S/M relationship. By the way, I love Atwood's four-liner poem:
You fit into me
like a hook into an eye
A fish hook
An open eye
Thank 熏衣草 for posting such a well-crafted poem. _________________ Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul
最后进行编辑的是 ericcoliu on 星期三 六月 11, 2008 4:43 pm, 总计第 2 次编辑 |
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hahaview[hahaview] hahaview作品集 六品通判 (官儿做大了,保持廉洁哦)
注册时间: 2008-02-07 帖子: 103
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发表于: 星期五 二月 15, 2008 5:13 pm 发表主题: |
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The poem combines two contradictory states of emotions: loss ("your shadow") and preservation ("salt and pickle them / and put them into a jar"); furthermore, this kind of inherent tension runs through the poem and is well expressed in the title: love and death. _________________ I came, I saw, and I conquered |
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Lake[Lake] Lake作品集 二品总督 (刚入二品,小心做人)
注册时间: 2006-10-10 帖子: 1341 来自: Sky Blue Water
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发表于: 星期六 二月 16, 2008 12:48 am 发表主题: |
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A powerful poem. The title 'Love You to Death' reminds me of the opposite of 'hate to the marrow of one's bones'.
The description (of how deep the love is) is original; the speaker is not only satisfied to remember his love, but to preserve it, add seasoning to it so that to make love stay longer and more tasteful. |
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redshoe[redshoe] redshoe作品集 九品县令 (一不小心,做了官儿了。)
注册时间: 2008-02-13 帖子: 28
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发表于: 星期六 二月 16, 2008 1:37 pm 发表主题: |
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Lake 写到: |
The description (of how deep the love is) is original; the speaker is not only satisfied to remember his love, but to preserve it, add seasoning to it so that to make love stay longer and more tasteful. |
Preserving it and making it stay longer in order to "have a slice with wine."
The Preserving metaphor in S1 runs into conflict with the Eating metaphor in S2. _________________ I am a butterfly drunk with life. |
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu] ericcoliu作品集 二品总督 (刚入二品,小心做人)
注册时间: 2007-05-29 帖子: 1393 来自: GTA, Canada
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发表于: 星期日 二月 17, 2008 2:14 pm 发表主题: |
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I had revised my piece.
Thanks for Anna'a and her friend's advices.
redshoe 写到: |
The Preserving metaphor in S1 runs into conflict with the Eating metaphor in S2. |
Yes, I tried my best to give vivid and fresh expression to a bitter, life-shaking experience of lost love. _________________ Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul |
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Champagne[Champagne] Champagne作品集 四品府丞 (封疆大吏也!)
注册时间: 2007-09-15 帖子: 394 来自: Nowhere & Everywhere
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发表于: 星期一 二月 18, 2008 8:14 pm 发表主题: Re: I Love You to Death, 愛你至死 (bilingual, revised) |
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ericcoliu 写到: |
I Love You to Death
I slice your shadow
of flesh and bone
salt and pickle the pieces
and put them in a jar
When hungry
I'll have a slice
with wine
Yes, I tried my best to give vivid and fresh expression to a bitter, life-shaking experience of lost love. |
明月樓高休獨倚,酒入愁腸,化作相思淚。
Don't lean alone on rails when the bright moon appears!
Wine in sad bowels would turn into nostalgic tears.
The Sigh of Love
剪不斷
理還亂
吃不完
醃起來 _________________ I'm Champagne,
Bottled poetry with sparkling joy. |
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dundas[dundas] dundas作品集 五品知州 (再努力一把就是四品大员了!)
注册时间: 2008-02-23 帖子: 214
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发表于: 星期三 二月 27, 2008 1:54 pm 发表主题: Re: I Love You to Death, 愛你至死 (bilingual, revised) |
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ericcoliu 写到: |
I Love You to Death
I slice your shadow
of flesh and bone
When hungry
I'll have a slice
with wine
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Get revenge with sliced longing for your lost beloved? _________________ My throat knew thirst before the structure
Of skin and vein around the well |
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu] ericcoliu作品集 二品总督 (刚入二品,小心做人)
注册时间: 2007-05-29 帖子: 1393 来自: GTA, Canada
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发表于: 星期三 六月 11, 2008 4:42 pm 发表主题: Re: I Love You to Death |
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What follows is an edited reply from my fellew poet, Tink, at PoetryConnection:
Hi eric, ...... Your poem has a very strange twist to it which makes it interesting. I wasn't sure whether this was meant to be funny or creepy. It is well crafted, although I can't say I "loved" it.
~~Tink _________________ Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul |
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温暖的水獸[温暖的水獸] 温暖的水獸作品集 五品知州 (再努力一把就是四品大员了!)
注册时间: 2008-04-23 帖子: 153 来自: 水族箱
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发表于: 星期四 六月 12, 2008 3:38 pm 发表主题: Re: I Love You to Death, 愛你至死 (bilingual, revised) |
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ericcoliu 写到: |
When hungry
I'll have a slice
with wine
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The speaker is trying to devour his past. Sweet revenge.
Hi! ericcoliu,
Why did you refuse to admit you're a closeted Xia Yu's fan when last time I asked you this question? _________________ 舌頭那匹温暖的水獸 馴養地在小小的水族箱中 蠕動
那獸說:是的 我願意 |
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu] ericcoliu作品集 二品总督 (刚入二品,小心做人)
注册时间: 2007-05-29 帖子: 1393 来自: GTA, Canada
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发表于: 星期四 六月 12, 2008 8:32 pm 发表主题: Re: I Love You to Death, 愛你至死 (bilingual, revised) |
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温暖的水獸 写到: |
The speaker is trying to devour his past. Sweet revenge.
Hi! ericcoliu,
Why did you refuse to admit you're a closeted Xia Yu's fan when last time I asked you this question? |
A sharp eye and witty words for my poem.
Now, I definitely am a fan of 温暖的水獸 who is a royal fan of Xia Yu.
Are you satisfied? _________________ Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul |
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