| 阅读上一个主题 :: 阅读下一个主题 |
| 作者 |
留言 |
Lake[Lake]
Lake作品集
二品总督
（刚入二品，小心做人）
注册时间: 2006-10-10
帖子: 1341
来自: Sky Blue Water
|
 发表于: 星期二 一月 22, 2008 3:40 pm 发表主题: Some short verses |
 |
|
1
late autumn
crowing ravens
darken the backyard
2
piercing wind
on my window sills
dried boxelder bugs
3
in the stillness
winding up the hill
the fresh prints
4
cold night, in the
humming of the furnace
garage door’s screech
5
in the darkness
computer screen blinks
with twinkling stars
6
winter morning
the car’s headlight -
the first light of daybreak
7
missing the stop sign
missing the stop
police car’s behind
8
come to a halt
I run one way
the deer the other
9
after the girl left
a feeling of lost
creeps in
10
record low-
this cold
even in my bosom
. |
|
| 返回页首 |
|
 |
fanfan[FFFFFF]
fanfan作品集
四品府丞
（封疆大吏也！）
注册时间: 2007-12-27
帖子: 353
来自: Canada
|
| 发表于: 星期二 一月 22, 2008 6:11 pm 发表主题: Re: Some short verses |
|
|
| Lake 写到: |
5
in the darkness
computer screen blinks
with twinkling stars
|
Shading the glitter
of the stars —
computer screen
_________________
Don't imitate me;
it's as boring
as the two halves of a melon. |
|
| 返回页首 |
|
|
星子[ANNA]
星子作品集
酷我！I made it！
注册时间: 2004-06-05
帖子: 13192
来自: Toronto
|
| 发表于: 星期二 一月 22, 2008 7:59 pm 发表主题: |
|
|
I like 4, 6 most.
It is a creative way to record our life like this.
_________________
 |
|
| 返回页首 |
|
|
ericcoliu[ericcoliu]
ericcoliu作品集
二品总督
（刚入二品，小心做人）
注册时间: 2007-05-29
帖子: 1393
来自: GTA, Canada
|
| 发表于: 星期二 一月 22, 2008 9:58 pm 发表主题: Re: Some short verses |
|
|
| Lake 写到: |
1
late autumn
crowing ravens
darken the backyard
9
after the girl left
a feeling of lost
creeps in
10
record low-
this cold
even in my bosom
. |
Oddly enough, these verses remind me of Edgar Allan Poe’s 1845 narrative poem entitled The Raven, which depicts a mysterious talking raven's midnight visit to a distraught narrator lamenting the loss of his love, Lenore. The raven, sitting on a bust of Pallas, constantly repeats, "Nevermore."
_________________
Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul |
|
| 返回页首 |
|
|
Lake[Lake]
Lake作品集
二品总督
（刚入二品，小心做人）
注册时间: 2006-10-10
帖子: 1341
来自: Sky Blue Water
|
| 发表于: 星期三 一月 23, 2008 1:52 pm 发表主题: Re: Some short verses |
|
|
| fanfan 写到: | | Lake 写到: |
5
in the darkness
computer screen blinks
with twinkling stars
|
Shading the glitter
of the stars —
computer screen |
Though different meanings, I like yours better than mine.  |
|
| 返回页首 |
|
|
Lake[Lake]
Lake作品集
二品总督
（刚入二品，小心做人）
注册时间: 2006-10-10
帖子: 1341
来自: Sky Blue Water
|
| 发表于: 星期三 一月 23, 2008 8:51 pm 发表主题: |
|
|
| Thanks 星子. It looks like each individual has his/her own take. |
|
| 返回页首 |
|
|
Lake[Lake]
Lake作品集
二品总督
（刚入二品，小心做人）
注册时间: 2006-10-10
帖子: 1341
来自: Sky Blue Water
|
| 发表于: 星期三 一月 23, 2008 9:04 pm 发表主题: Re: Some short verses |
|
|
| ericcoliu 写到: |
Oddly enough, these verses remind me of Edgar Allan Poe’s 1845 narrative poem entitled The Raven, which depicts a mysterious talking raven's midnight visit to a distraught narrator lamenting the loss of his love, Lenore. The raven, sitting on a bust of Pallas, constantly repeats, "Nevermore." |
Surprisingly enough, these verses reminded you of Poe's The Raven. Honestly, I haven't read it yet but will find time to read.
I, too, like these three more. Been trying to reflect the 'ah' moment in one breath.
Thanks for your read and comment! |
|
| 返回页首 |
|
|
fanfan[FFFFFF]
fanfan作品集
四品府丞
（封疆大吏也！）
注册时间: 2007-12-27
帖子: 353
来自: Canada
|
| 发表于: 星期五 一月 25, 2008 5:38 pm 发表主题: Re: Some short verses |
|
|
| Lake 写到: |
I, too, like these three more. Been trying to reflect the 'ah' moment in one breath.
|
Concur!
The Raven traces the mourning narrator's slow descent into madness
| Lake 写到: |
7
missing the stop sign
missing the stop
police car's behind
|
Is this the first sign of a slow descent into depression?
_________________
Don't imitate me;
it's as boring
as the two halves of a melon. |
|
| 返回页首 |
|
|
Champagne[Champagne]
Champagne作品集
四品府丞
（封疆大吏也！）
注册时间: 2007-09-15
帖子: 394
来自: Nowhere & Everywhere
|
| 发表于: 星期五 一月 25, 2008 9:02 pm 发表主题: Re: Some short verses |
|
|
I like verses 4 and 5 the most.
| Lake 写到: |
9
after the girl left
a feeling of lost
creeps in
|
By the way, a feeling of lost, or a feeling of being lost, or a feeling of lost hope?
_________________
I'm Champagne,
Bottled poetry with sparkling joy. |
|
| 返回页首 |
|
|
Lake[Lake]
Lake作品集
二品总督
（刚入二品，小心做人）
注册时间: 2006-10-10
帖子: 1341
来自: Sky Blue Water
|
| 发表于: 星期一 一月 28, 2008 10:25 pm 发表主题: Re: Some short verses |
|
|
| fanfan 写到: |
| Lake 写到: |
7
missing the stop sign
missing the stop
police car's behind
|
Is this the first sign of a slow descent into depression? |
Don't know what sign it is, but it is the first incident in the new year.  |
|
| 返回页首 |
|
|
Lake[Lake]
Lake作品集
二品总督
（刚入二品，小心做人）
注册时间: 2006-10-10
帖子: 1341
来自: Sky Blue Water
|
| 发表于: 星期一 一月 28, 2008 10:26 pm 发表主题: Re: Some short verses |
|
|
| Champagne 写到: | I like verses 4 and 5 the most.
| Lake 写到: |
9
after the girl left
a feeling of lost
creeps in
|
By the way, a feeling of lost, or a feeling of being lost, or a feeling of lost hope? |
A feeling of being lost is grammatically correct. Thanks. |
|
| 返回页首 |
|
|
hahaview[hahaview]
hahaview作品集
六品通判
（官儿做大了，保持廉洁哦）
注册时间: 2008-02-07
帖子: 103
|
| 发表于: 星期四 二月 07, 2008 1:58 pm 发表主题: |
|
|
I like verse 10 the most.
Record low -
this cold
hitting me hard
The city I live in was hit two days ago with 30 cm of snow.
I wish I had a "body of winter."
_________________
I came, I saw, and I conquered |
|
| 返回页首 |
|
|
Lake[Lake]
Lake作品集
二品总督
（刚入二品，小心做人）
注册时间: 2006-10-10
帖子: 1341
来自: Sky Blue Water
|
| 发表于: 星期五 二月 08, 2008 11:32 am 发表主题: |
|
|
| hahaview 写到: | I like verse 10 the most.
Record low -
this cold
hitting me hard
The city I live in was hit two days ago with 30 cm of snow.
I wish I had a "body of winter." |
Thanks haha. Which city are you from? I see you using 'cm' not 'in', I can never figure out the equation of these two measurements.
I wrote another one in an effort to replace #8. See if you like it.
winter sun
brighter than summer
spring in icicle drips
It is clear that different people have different tastes. They are here to be picked.
. |
|
| 返回页首 |
|
|
|
常见问题与解答 (FAQ)
搜索
成员列表
成员组
注册
个人资料
登陆查看您的私人留言
登陆
