酷我-北美枫

星子 · 酷我！I made it！ 注册时间: 2004-06-05 帖子: 13192 来自: Toronto

Your ax rusts,
the cut long ago
is hardly visible

The wound deep inside me
remains
it is not your fault
it is mine--
for my trust overpaid

Shall I thank you? For the lesson
which teaches me to love
in a painful way

But I'd rather forgive you
and forget you
at the same time
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星子 · 发表于: 星期二一月 08, 2008 10:17 pm 发表主题:

From Cass

Anna,

very painful read. I think the metaphors mixing don't work here. I would stay with the ax and leave the lessons for another poem, perhaps. Either way, it's very clear and sad, this one.
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星子 · 发表于: 星期二一月 08, 2008 10:18 pm 发表主题:

To Cass

Hi Cass,

Thank you very much for your suggestion.

I think they should go together, because one is outside, one is inside cut. forgive is from inside,,, forget could be from outside..

the lesson I learn from "you" also from "I" . People could hurt you only if you allow them...

But how to make it clear in this poem, I am not sure. I revised it again, hopefully it makes sense.

Please do let me know your thoughts again
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秋天的枫叶林 · 发表于: 星期三一月 09, 2008 12:20 am 发表主题:

People could hurt you only if you allow them...

秋天的枫叶林 · 发表于: 星期三一月 09, 2008 12:22 am 发表主题:

I'd rather forgive you
and forget you
at the same time
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因本真而活，持生命之青色。

星子 · 发表于: 星期三一月 09, 2008 9:26 am 发表主题:

But
I'd rather forgive
then forget you in the same breath

Shall I thank you?
For the lesson
which taught loves painful ways

now
your ax rusts
its cut hardly visible from long ago

yet
deep inside this wound
remains
is not your fault
it is mine for trust overpaid

lavender
just a idea to look at not a suggestion

in reading this I understand your sonnet better

and
yes all of life is in each breath
but the question how too remind our self of such a thing
assailed by such fates you describe

and
do you remember
that pine tree which clung to the mountain
through winters storm and blizzard

I liked that work because I believed the mountain was lao tse

good work
jack
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星子 · 发表于: 星期三一月 09, 2008 9:33 am 发表主题:

I like Jack's suggestion. it flows better.
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fanfan

星子 · 发表于: 星期三一月 09, 2008 2:58 pm 发表主题:

Thanks Fanfan.

It is "I'd rather forgive you and forget you"

Sorry, my typo.
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Lake · 发表于: 星期三一月 09, 2008 5:02 pm 发表主题:

If we try, we can forgive; but not so sure about 'forget', especially something - there are things that we can never forget ... just me though.

星子 · 发表于: 星期三一月 09, 2008 8:57 pm 发表主题:

Thanks Lake.

If we try, we can forgive; but not so sure about 'forget', especially something - there are things that we can never forget ... just me though.

you are right. That is why I'd rather...

but even sometimes we try, we still cannot forgive ... forget...
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