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fanfan[FAFAFA] fanfan作品集 四品府丞 (封疆大吏也!)
注册时间: 2007-12-27 帖子: 353 来自: Canada
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发表于: 星期二 一月 01, 2008 6:51 pm 发表主题: The Toiling Spider (Haibun, revised) |
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The Toiling Spider co-authored with ericcoliu
The spider eats all kinds of insects and then spins her web. When she exudes her filament, she has no idea about where the wind will carry it; but once it is attached to something, her web will be formed. If she has good luck, her web will be formed on a tree twig. When the sun shines upon it, her thin filaments will be sparkling with the colors of a rainbow. If by chance there are dewdrops upon her web, it will appear more splendid and dazzling. If she has no luck, her web won't last for a while. But once it is broken, she will retreat until she finds another opportunity to spin a better one. Whether her web is broken or remains whole, she can only leave it to Mother Nature.
Out of herself
launching forth filaments
ever spinning and mending them _________________ Don't imitate me;
it's as boring
as the two halves of a melon.
最后进行编辑的是 fanfan on 星期三 十月 29, 2008 5:31 pm, 总计第 4 次编辑 |
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu] ericcoliu作品集 二品总督 (刚入二品,小心做人)
注册时间: 2007-05-29 帖子: 1393 来自: GTA, Canada
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发表于: 星期二 一月 01, 2008 9:12 pm 发表主题: |
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An interesting and thoughtful haibun.
A toiling spider is a "noiseless patient spider," which is the title of Walt Whitman’s poem.
I think you can leave out the last sentence, of which the main theme is articulated in the embedded haiku. _________________ Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul |
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Lake[Lake] Lake作品集 二品总督 (刚入二品,小心做人)
注册时间: 2006-10-10 帖子: 1341 来自: Sky Blue Water
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发表于: 星期二 一月 01, 2008 10:59 pm 发表主题: |
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Yes, keep spinning your threads be it sunny or rainy day, you'll be there.
I second Eric's comment on the last sentence.
Well done. |
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fanfan[FFFFFF] fanfan作品集 四品府丞 (封疆大吏也!)
注册时间: 2007-12-27 帖子: 353 来自: Canada
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发表于: 星期三 一月 02, 2008 9:15 am 发表主题: |
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ericcoliu 写到: |
A toiling spider is a "noiseless patient spider," which is the title of Walt Whitman’s poem.
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Yes, it's my homage to Walt Whitman.
ericcoliu 写到: |
I think you can leave out the last sentence, of which the main theme is articulated in the embedded haiku.
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Yes, you're right. Thanks again. _________________ Don't imitate me;
it's as boring
as the two halves of a melon. |
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fanfan[FAFAFA] fanfan作品集 四品府丞 (封疆大吏也!)
注册时间: 2007-12-27 帖子: 353 来自: Canada
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发表于: 星期三 一月 02, 2008 9:22 am 发表主题: |
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Thanks for commenting on my writing and for encouragement.
Lake 写到: |
Yes, keep spinning your threads be it sunny or rainy day, you'll be there.
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In her mind, she knows her web won't last forever; moreover, she doesn't know when or how her web will be broken.
Spinning and mending her web is a constant Sisyphusian struggle. _________________ Don't imitate me;
it's as boring
as the two halves of a melon. |
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fanfan[FFFFFF] fanfan作品集 四品府丞 (封疆大吏也!)
注册时间: 2007-12-27 帖子: 353 来自: Canada
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发表于: 星期四 一月 03, 2008 10:03 am 发表主题: |
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I've revised my haibun and made it more succinct. _________________ Don't imitate me;
it's as boring
as the two halves of a melon. |
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星子[ANNA] 星子作品集 酷我!I made it!
注册时间: 2004-06-05 帖子: 13192 来自: Toronto
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发表于: 星期四 一月 03, 2008 11:24 am 发表主题: |
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Interesting thoughts about spider and oneself.
I still think too much description about the spider and the situation. _________________
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu] ericcoliu作品集 二品总督 (刚入二品,小心做人)
注册时间: 2007-05-29 帖子: 1393 来自: GTA, Canada
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发表于: 星期四 一月 03, 2008 5:41 pm 发表主题: |
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fanfan 写到: |
I've revised my haibun and made it more succinct.
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Yes, your embedded haiku reminds me of Walt Whitman's poem, in which the speaker describes the spider as launching forth filament, filament, filament into the universe and those essential strings become metaphors for the efforts of the human soul to reach and build and believe. _________________ Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul |
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Lake[Lake] Lake作品集 二品总督 (刚入二品,小心做人)
注册时间: 2006-10-10 帖子: 1341 来自: Sky Blue Water
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发表于: 星期五 一月 04, 2008 12:15 am 发表主题: |
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fanfan 写到: |
Spinning and mending her web is a constant Sisyphusian struggle. |
That sounds so hopeless, pessimistic. She doesn't deserve that. |
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fanfan[FFFFFF] fanfan作品集 四品府丞 (封疆大吏也!)
注册时间: 2007-12-27 帖子: 353 来自: Canada
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发表于: 星期六 一月 05, 2008 9:21 am 发表主题: |
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Lake 写到: |
That sounds so hopeless, pessimistic. She doesn't deserve that.
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It's pessimistic-optimism.
"The struggle itself is enough to fill a man's[woman's] heart. One must imagine Sisyphus happy."
-- Albert Camus, The Myth of Sisyphus _________________ Don't imitate me;
it's as boring
as the two halves of a melon. |
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu] ericcoliu作品集 二品总督 (刚入二品,小心做人)
注册时间: 2007-05-29 帖子: 1393 来自: GTA, Canada
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发表于: 星期六 一月 05, 2008 5:16 pm 发表主题: |
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fanfan 写到: |
one must imagine Sisyphus happy.
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In your view, this kind of imagination can confront and revolt against Sisyphus's ceaseless and pointless toil? _________________ Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul |
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fanfan[FFFFFF] fanfan作品集 四品府丞 (封疆大吏也!)
注册时间: 2007-12-27 帖子: 353 来自: Canada
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发表于: 星期三 一月 09, 2008 3:10 pm 发表主题: |
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ericcoliu 写到: |
In your view, this kind of imagination can confront and revolt against Sisyphus's ceaseless and pointless toil?
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Yes.
So long as she/he accepts that there is nothing more to life than this absurd struggle, then he can find happiness in it. _________________ Don't imitate me;
it's as boring
as the two halves of a melon. |
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