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anna[星子安娜]
anna作品集
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 发表于: 星期二 十月 30, 2007 2:02 pm 发表主题: The Divorced Asian Woman (revised) |
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(1)
She sits facing me.
Under soft rosy makeup,
her pale sunken face glows,
deep subtle eyes shade in pink.
I expect her to smile or laugh,
as free as dandelions.
Shaking her head, she frowns,
"One single wind blows life away."
I watch her,
a lark away from her golden cage-
wing toward freedom.
Yet a door with an exit,
mirrors her vain shadow.
"We shall be the same."
I retreat with her fading voice.
(2)
There are many like her,
sitting beside the dance floor.
I glance along,
whirling with a partner.
Under the dim light,
those flowers--once fresh,
silently wait for searching eyes.
I wonder if I should stay,
my wedding ring shines.
_________________
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Anna Yin
《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...
http://annapoetry.com
最后进行编辑的是 anna on 星期四 十一月 15, 2007 10:39 pm, 总计第 10 次编辑 |
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anna[星子安娜]
anna作品集
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注册时间: 2004-05-02
帖子: 7141
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| 发表于: 星期二 十月 30, 2007 7:54 pm 发表主题: |
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(2)
There are too many her…
Sitting beside the dance floor.
I glance along,
whirling with a partner.
Under the dim light,
Those flowers are even fresh,
silently waiting for searching eyes.
I wonder if I should stay
To face many hunters.
my wedding ring seems too rare
at such a night.
_________________
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Anna Yin
《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...
http://annapoetry.com |
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Champagne[Champagne]
Champagne作品集
四品府丞
（封疆大吏也！）
注册时间: 2007-09-15
帖子: 394
来自: Nowhere & Everywhere
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| 发表于: 星期三 十月 31, 2007 7:33 pm 发表主题: |
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From the viewpoint of principled singles:
When I was a young woman,
I vowed never to marry until
I found the ideal man.
From the viewpoint of married women:
Well, I found and married him.
But, he was fancying another ideal woman.
_________________
I'm Champagne,
Bottled poetry with sparkling joy.
最后进行编辑的是 Champagne on 星期四 十一月 01, 2007 4:26 pm, 总计第 1 次编辑 |
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Lake[Lake]
Lake作品集
二品总督
（刚入二品，小心做人）
注册时间: 2006-10-10
帖子: 1341
来自: Sky Blue Water
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| 发表于: 星期四 十一月 01, 2007 10:47 am 发表主题: |
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| 引用: | | The Asian divorced woman |
The title makes me think.
1. Should it be The Divorced Asian Woman? "The Asian divorced woman" sounds odd to me for some reason.
2. Don't know if the title is too general or too specific.
When said "Asian woman", it is usually from a westerner's eye. But when the woman talks with the speaker in the poem, I suppose, the speaker knows which ethnic group this woman belongs to (or maybe not).
I may have thought too much into it. |
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anna[星子安娜]
anna作品集
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anna[星子安娜]
anna作品集
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注册时间: 2004-05-02
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| 发表于: 星期四 十一月 01, 2007 8:09 pm 发表主题: |
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Hi Anna - lovely poem!
I also read "wings" as a verb rather than as a noun, and perhaps if you were to use a dash after freedom, this would be more obvious.
I, a bird in a cage -
(my) wings toward freedom,
the golden dream.
Love the dancing dandelion image! This isn't a flower we see all that often, in this context.
I also suggest dropping "the" (life) in L10./ I think "blow away life" is a bit more dramatic. Or even "blow away my life".
The N appears to envy this new divorcee, and longs to follow her example. Yet she cannot do so. The poem strikes a chord within many of us, I believe. We do make assumptions about the freedom possessed by others - whether or not they are truly free at all. Perhaps this elegant woman's makeup conceals a face often ravaged by tears. She, herself, suggests that her life is not all that easy.
Maybe we all have our own cages.
A door with an exit,
leads to a lost garden.
Haunting image, and incredibly sad.
Brenda
_________________
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Anna Yin
《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...
http://annapoetry.com |
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu]
ericcoliu作品集
二品总督
（刚入二品，小心做人）
注册时间: 2007-05-29
帖子: 1393
来自: GTA, Canada
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| 发表于: 星期五 十一月 02, 2007 1:20 pm 发表主题: |
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| Brenda 写到: |
The N appears to envy this new divorcee, and longs to follow her example. Yet she cannot do so. The poem strikes a chord within many of us, I believe. We do make assumptions about the freedom possessed by others - whether or not they are truly free at all. Perhaps this elegant woman's makeup conceals a face often ravaged by tears. She, herself, suggests that her life is not all that easy.
Maybe we all have our own cages.
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It's well said and stands in vivid contrast to Michel de Montaigne's observation:
Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside equally desperate to get out.
| Brenda 写到: |
A door with an exit,
leads to a lost garden.
Haunting image, and incredibly sad.
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A lost garden? Does it imply the inevitable failure of the institionalized marriage?
I''m curious about the significance of the racial-ethnic term "Asian" in reading of this poem.
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Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul |
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anna[星子安娜]
anna作品集
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注册时间: 2004-05-02
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| 发表于: 星期五 十一月 02, 2007 3:05 pm 发表主题: |
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Hi Eric.
Asian women view "DIVORCE" very different from western women, I think.
that is why
A door with an exit,
leads to a lost garden
---in fact, no exit.
_________________
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Anna Yin
《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...
http://annapoetry.com |
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu]
ericcoliu作品集
二品总督
（刚入二品，小心做人）
注册时间: 2007-05-29
帖子: 1393
来自: GTA, Canada
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| 发表于: 星期六 十一月 03, 2007 1:02 pm 发表主题: |
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| anna 写到: |
Asian women view "DIVORCE" very different from western women, I think.
that is why
A door with an exit,
leads to a lost garden
---in fact, no exit.
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Yes, I have no doubt about your observation and believe that this is your authorial voice ‘hidden” behind your poem.
I think I have good knowledge about the different views on divorce between inter-racial-ethnic groups and those between intra-racial-ethnic groups.
That is why I ask the significance of the racial-ethnic term “Asian” in the title of your poem.
Simply put, my question is:
a) if the speaker is an Asian woman, is there any reason to put “Asian” into the title of your poem?
b) If the speaker is a non-Asian woman, and most likely, she is a westerner, then based on your observation abovementioned, why is she so scared that she retreats into her cage?
My guess is that you let your authorial voice “explicitly” interferes with the narrative voices in your narrative poem. The similar situation also occured in your piece entitled week three, (Homework) Dialogue, in which the struggling writer mixes up authorial voice with narrative voice
_________________
Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul
最后进行编辑的是 ericcoliu on 星期一 十一月 05, 2007 9:53 am, 总计第 1 次编辑 |
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anna[星子安娜]
anna作品集
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注册时间: 2004-05-02
帖子: 7141
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| 发表于: 星期一 十一月 05, 2007 9:50 am 发表主题: |
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Hi Eric,
I guess it is better I call you and discuss it more detail.
Thanks for your comments, very good observation.
_________________
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Anna Yin
《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...
http://annapoetry.com |
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Lake[Lake]
Lake作品集
二品总督
（刚入二品，小心做人）
注册时间: 2006-10-10
帖子: 1341
来自: Sky Blue Water
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| 发表于: 星期二 十一月 06, 2007 1:16 pm 发表主题: |
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| brenda 写到: |
I also read "wings" as a verb rather than as a noun, and perhaps if you were to use a dash after freedom, this would be more obvious.
I, a bird in a cage -
(my) wings toward freedom,
the golden dream.
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Very good suggestion.
Anna,
I like this poem for its subject matter, but like Eric, I would also like to read the in-depth writing about the significant difference, if there is any, between divorced Asian women and Western women.
Best,
Lake |
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星子[ANNA]
星子作品集
酷我！I made it！
注册时间: 2004-06-05
帖子: 13192
来自: Toronto
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| 发表于: 星期二 十一月 06, 2007 10:27 pm 发表主题: |
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Hi Lake and Eric.
There are a few true stories happened to my friends, but I have no time to talk with them in detail.
I hope later I could write such stories since more and more are surfaced out. But to tell the truth, I only know the significant difference is westerns are much more for self's sake, yet Asians are for family or their kids' sake.
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星子[ANNA]
星子作品集
酷我！I made it！
注册时间: 2004-06-05
帖子: 13192
来自: Toronto
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| 发表于: 星期四 十一月 08, 2007 9:16 am 发表主题: |
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hope to write it as series... like long stories.
but I am not sure, just give a try.
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anna[星子安娜]
anna作品集
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注册时间: 2004-05-02
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| 发表于: 星期四 十一月 08, 2007 9:29 am 发表主题: |
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I think the old title: "The Divorced Asian Woman" may be too controversial,
so I revise it as " The Lost Garden"
_________________
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Anna Yin
《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...
http://annapoetry.com |
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu]
ericcoliu作品集
二品总督
（刚入二品，小心做人）
注册时间: 2007-05-29
帖子: 1393
来自: GTA, Canada
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| 发表于: 星期五 十一月 09, 2007 9:29 am 发表主题: |
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| 星子 写到: |
hope to write it as series... like long stories.
but I am not sure, just give a try.
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A good try and an effective way to tackle the difficult issues.
However, in the revised version of your numbered poems, there is one narrative voice left: that of the speaker; everything is perceived from the viewpoint of the speaker.
This will help keep the focus of the narrative structure while simplifying the complexities of the sturcture and of those issues involved through silencing other characters' voices.
Personally speaking, I like your previous version with multiple narrative voices. It's more ambitious and, if handled well, can been seen in its expression of the conflict between voices through their adscription to different elements in the issues involved.
_________________
Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul |
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