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星子[ANNA]
星子作品集
酷我！I made it！
注册时间: 2004-06-05
帖子: 13192
来自: Toronto
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 发表于: 星期一 十月 08, 2007 2:46 pm 发表主题: Winged migration |
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http://www.sonyclassics.com/wingedmigration/home.html
(thank for eric's link)
We watch them
heading south,
beyond their wings,
somewhere warm and safe.
Constantly re-gathering
until they align
in a V form
long and neat.
Beneath them as they soar,
lands dusty, lakes dry,
smokes puffed from tall chimneys
make clouds of smog.
The earth exploited
will witness the damage.
Winged migration
circling with nowhere to land.
迁徙
在候鸟羽翼之上,
我们静看它们向南挺进
那个遥远的目的地,
温暖安全.
持续飞行和聚集,
它们形成人形,
悠长而整齐.
翱翔天空之下,
大地满尘, 湖泊干枯…
高耸的烟囱
还在投放层层烟雾…
地球,过量开发之后,
将见证不可逆转的损害.
迁徙循环它的模式,
结束于无地可容.
_________________
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Lake[Lake]
Lake作品集
二品总督
（刚入二品，小心做人）
注册时间: 2006-10-10
帖子: 1341
来自: Sky Blue Water
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| 发表于: 星期一 十月 08, 2007 10:55 pm 发表主题: |
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Hi 星子,
It is indeed an inspirational video.
I see the theme of this poem-- over-exploitation of our mother earth.
Two nits:
| 引用: | | they align lines long and neat |
"align lines" sound too close together, maybe it is just me.
| 引用: | end
with nowhere to land. |
has nowhere to land? or
ends up with nowhere to land (meaning as a result of...)?
Do you mean "layers"?
"an inevitable damage 不可逆转的损害 "
inevitable 好像是“不可避免的”，对吧。除非你又发挥了。
And "lakes draining", not good. You know what I mean...  |
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anna[星子安娜]
anna作品集
Site Admin
注册时间: 2004-05-02
帖子: 7141
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| 发表于: 星期二 十月 09, 2007 9:05 am 发表主题: |
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Hi Lake,
Yes. You are right.
I revised it. Thanks.
Anna
_________________
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Anna Yin
《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...
http://annapoetry.com |
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Lake[Lake]
Lake作品集
二品总督
（刚入二品，小心做人）
注册时间: 2006-10-10
帖子: 1341
来自: Sky Blue Water
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| 发表于: 星期二 十月 09, 2007 12:43 pm 发表主题: |
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anna,
You don't need to agree with me on everything I read, especially my last line:
"And "lakes draining", not good. You know what I mean..."
I am just kidding for the sake of my screen name 
Have fun, |
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anna[星子安娜]
anna作品集
Site Admin
注册时间: 2004-05-02
帖子: 7141
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| 发表于: 星期二 十月 09, 2007 12:53 pm 发表主题: |
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Yes. I know...
but I don't have too much time to think it over...
though I sense draining better sound.
_________________
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Anna Yin
《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...
http://annapoetry.com |
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu]
ericcoliu作品集
二品总督
（刚入二品，小心做人）
注册时间: 2007-05-29
帖子: 1393
来自: GTA, Canada
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| 发表于: 星期三 十月 10, 2007 8:01 am 发表主题: |
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| anna 写到: |
airs puffing from tall chimneys
cast layers of smog.
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puffing or puffed?
layers of smog?
How about
"smoke puffed from tall chimneys
making clouds of smog"?
_________________
Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul |
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