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Lake[Lake]
Lake作品集

二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2006-10-10
帖子: 1341
来自: Sky Blue Water

帖子发表于: 星期二 九月 04, 2007 11:55 am    发表主题: Cinquain Chain 引用并回复


Haiku


Haiku -
Chan from China
flourishing in Japan
is a seventeen mora verse
short form

short form
with Zen insight
gained from our daily life
in nature or society’s
moment

moment
enlightens us
petals open, fish jump
an epiphany rises in
haiku



(A quick write in my head on my way to work today. See if it makes sense.)
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu]
ericcoliu作品集

二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2007-05-29
帖子: 1393
来自: GTA, Canada

帖子发表于: 星期二 九月 04, 2007 10:05 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

It’s a poetic manifestation of Japanese lyric verse form – Haiku – with a heartfelt touch of Zen.

Society's moment? What do you mean?

One small thing I want to discuss with you is the choice of word, epiphany, in the penultimate line of the third stanza.

Etymologically speaking, epiphany is a Christian theological term used to describe the manifestation of the divine nature of Jesus to the Gentiles as represented by the Magi. In everyday use, epiphany means a divine manifestation infused with a theistic tone. In Western lierature, Eliot's Four Quartets best exemplify religious epiphanies. Therefore, I think epiphany is not a good choice of word used in a poem illustrating the Zen Buddhist literary tradition, which is generally viewed not theistic but humanistic.
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anna[星子安娜]
anna作品集

Site Admin


注册时间: 2004-05-02
帖子: 7141

帖子发表于: 星期三 九月 05, 2007 2:43 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

Hi Lake,

interesting thoughts and forms.

Glad to have Eric here for more details.
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com
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Lake[Lake]
Lake作品集

二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2006-10-10
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来自: Sky Blue Water

帖子发表于: 星期三 九月 05, 2007 7:26 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

Thanks anna for your read and comment.
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Lake[Lake]
Lake作品集

二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2006-10-10
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来自: Sky Blue Water

帖子发表于: 星期三 九月 05, 2007 8:10 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

ericcoliu 写到:

One small thing I want to discuss with you is the choice of word, epiphany, in the penultimate line of the third stanza.

Etymologically speaking, epiphany is a Christian theological term used to describe the manifestation of the divine nature of Jesus to the Gentiles as represented by the Magi. In everyday use, epiphany means a divine manifestation infused with a theistic tone. In Western lierature, Eliot's Four Quartets best exemplify religious epiphanies. Therefore, I think epiphany is not a good choice of word used in a poem illustrating the Zen Buddhist literary tradition, which is generally viewed not theistic but humanistic.


Eric,

I appreciate your careful reading and detailed comment.

No question is small, I assure you.

As for the word 'epiphany' , you are right regarding its etymology. I must admit when I first came across this word while reading a literary book, I had difficulty understanding it for I am ignorant of any religions. But as I continued reading, I found it used very often as a literary term and gradually it became part of my vocabulary.

Besides its religious meaning, the dictionary also defines it as:

-- a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience.

--a literary work or section of a work presenting, usually
symbolically, such a moment of revelation and insight.

Michael Bugeja, author of The Art and Craft of Poetry, gives it a further definition with an interesting example:

An epiphany is a moment of truth in which your mind seems at one with the universe. (In fact, I think what we mistakenly call the muse really is an epiphany that electrifies our mind.) During such times you realize something sublime or solve a critical problem in your life. Everyone has such moments: You wake at 3 A.M., bolt up in bed and proclaim: "Now I know why he (or she) left me. He never wanted a partner. He (or she) wanted a parent."

Thus, my understanding is 'epiphany' in certain context does not necessarily has something to do with religion. In Chinese, it means 顿悟。

Thanks again for the discussion.

Lake
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu]
ericcoliu作品集

二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2007-05-29
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来自: GTA, Canada

帖子发表于: 星期四 九月 06, 2007 10:37 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

Michael Bugeja, author of The Art and Craft of Poetry, gives it a further definition with an interesting example:

An epiphany is a moment of truth in which your mind seems at one with the universe. (In fact, I think what we mistakenly call the muse really is an epiphany that electrifies our mind.) During such times you realize something sublime or solve a critical problem in your life. Everyone has such moments: You wake at 3 A.M., bolt up in bed and proclaim: "Now I know why he (or she) left me. He never wanted a partner. He (or she) wanted a parent."


Hi! Lake:

This is a Joycean definition of epiphany.

James Joyce, the principal writer to secularize the meaning of epiphany, was interested in sudden, startling moments which seemed to have heightened significance, and he made epiphany the centre of his fiction entitled Stephen hero, the early version of A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man. When the title character Stephen hero is passing through Eccles' Street one evening, one incident strikes Stephen:

"This triviality made him think of collecting many such moments together in a book of epiphanies. By an epiphany he meant a sudden spiritual manifestation, whether in the vulgarity of speech or of gesture or in a memorable phase of the mind itself. He believed that it was for the man of letters to record these epiphanies with extreme care, seeing that they themselves are the most delicate and evanescent of moments." (Chapter XXV)

Based on my own reading experience, the word epiphany, due to its entangled past association with the theistic tradition, seldom appears in English books about Zen Buddhism.

But your points are taken.

Good work. I'm delighted to read your poem.
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu]
ericcoliu作品集

二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2007-05-29
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来自: GTA, Canada

帖子发表于: 星期四 九月 06, 2007 10:40 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

Lake 写到:
Michael Bugeja, author of The Art and Craft of Poetry, gives it a further definition with an interesting example:

An epiphany is a moment of truth in which your mind seems at one with the universe. (In fact, I think what we mistakenly call the muse really is an epiphany that electrifies our mind.) During such times you realize something sublime or solve a critical problem in your life. Everyone has such moments: You wake at 3 A.M., bolt up in bed and proclaim: "Now I know why he (or she) left me. He never wanted a partner. He (or she) wanted a parent.".



Hi! Lake:

This is a Joycean definition of epiphany.

James Joyce, the principal writer to secularize the meaning of epiphany, was interested in sudden, startling moments which seemed to have heightened significance, and he made epiphany the centre of his fiction entitled Stephen hero, the early version of A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man. When the title character Stephen hero is passing through Eccles' Street one evening, one incident strikes Stephen:

"This triviality made him think of collecting many such moments together in a book of epiphanies. By an epiphany he meant a sudden spiritual manifestation, whether in the vulgarity of speech or of gesture or in a memorable phase of the mind itself. He believed that it was for the man of letters to record these epiphanies with extreme care, seeing that they themselves are the most delicate and evanescent of moments." (Chapter XXV)

Based on my own reading experience, the word epiphany, due to its entangled past association with the theistic tradition, seldom appears in English books about Zen Buddhism.

But your points are taken.

Good work. I'm delighted to read your poem
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Champagne[Champagne]
Champagne作品集

四品府丞
(封疆大吏也!)
四品府丞<BR>(封疆大吏也!)


注册时间: 2007-09-15
帖子: 394
来自: Nowhere & Everywhere

帖子发表于: 星期一 九月 17, 2007 8:00 am    发表主题: 引用并回复

At haiku moments

Sliding in and out of time

Epiphanies rise?
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I'm Champagne,
Bottled poetry with sparkling joy.
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Lake[Lake]
Lake作品集

二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2006-10-10
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来自: Sky Blue Water

帖子发表于: 星期一 九月 17, 2007 1:30 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

Champagne 写到:
At haiku moments

Sliding in and out of time

Epiphanies rise?


Another Haiku!

No offense but just my curiosity that I feel Champagne and Eric talk like brothers. Smile
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Champagne[Champagne]
Champagne作品集

四品府丞
(封疆大吏也!)
四品府丞<BR>(封疆大吏也!)


注册时间: 2007-09-15
帖子: 394
来自: Nowhere & Everywhere

帖子发表于: 星期一 九月 17, 2007 9:07 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

Hi! Lake:

I'm Champagne and you can check out my claim at http://coviews.com/viewtopic.php?t=32634

“Champagne, if you are seeking the truth, is better than a lie detector. It encourages a man to be expansive, even reckless, while lie detectors are only a challenge to tell lies successfully.”
-- Graham Greene

At best, I would think I have the Kierkegaardian Either/Or relation with ericcoliu.
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I'm Champagne,
Bottled poetry with sparkling joy.
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Lake[Lake]
Lake作品集

二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2006-10-10
帖子: 1341
来自: Sky Blue Water

帖子发表于: 星期三 九月 19, 2007 10:35 am    发表主题: 引用并回复

~ smile~

Geez, Champagne, that 'Kierkegaardian' really makes my toungue rolling...

How many books have you read? Both you and Eric have deep thoughts; sometimes too deep for me to digest... Smile

I am a simple lake,

I am Lake

that lies
among ten thousand lakes
where clear is the water, blue the sky.
flowers, the sun,
maple leaves and limpid ice
are all but a seasonal cycle
in my eye.
I stay inland watching
four seasons rushing by
with a calm mind.

.
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Lake[Lake]
Lake作品集

二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2006-10-10
帖子: 1341
来自: Sky Blue Water

帖子发表于: 星期五 十一月 09, 2007 10:20 am    发表主题: 引用并回复

ericcoliu 写到:
It’s a poetic manifestation of Japanese lyric verse form – Haiku – with a heartfelt touch of Zen.

Society's moment? What do you mean?

.


Hi Eric,

I didn't ignore your question. It does sound awkward, doesn' t it?

Here is a rewrite, see if it makes more sense.

Haiku -
Chan from China
flourishing in Japan
a seventeen-mora verse
short form

short form
with Zen insight
gained from our daily life
and nature…a seed cracks at that
moment


moment
enlightens us
trees push their way through rocks
an epiphany rises in
haiku


As always, thanks for your crit.

Lake
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu]
ericcoliu作品集

二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2007-05-29
帖子: 1393
来自: GTA, Canada

帖子发表于: 星期五 十一月 09, 2007 11:26 am    发表主题: 引用并回复

Lake 写到:


nature…a seed cracks at that
moment


trees push their way through rocks



The changes you made in the revised version of your poem are related to, in my view, what gives Haiku its essence: the Haiku Moment, in which we see into the nature of things.

To me, the first change works well while the second doesn't because of its strong imagery.

My suggestion is as follows:

1) due to the explanatory aspect of your poem and to make an intra-texual connection, line 13 might be re-written as:

See Heaven in a wild flower

2) In so doing, it will make an inter-texual connection and across-cultural reference to Western poetic tradition to familiarize the English reader with Japanese Haiku writing:

To see a World in a Grain of Sand
And a Heaven in a Wild Flower,
Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand
And Eternity in an hour.

William Black, fragments from Auguries of Innocence
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Lake[Lake]
Lake作品集

二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2006-10-10
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来自: Sky Blue Water

帖子发表于: 星期六 十一月 10, 2007 11:22 am    发表主题: 引用并回复

Thank you Eric for your careful read and detailed comment that made me put on my thinking cap again.

I see what you mean, instead of imagery, the state of mind should be sublimated. There is something behind the 'three grows from under the rock", but obviously it is not clear to some people. I will think about it to see what I can come up with. The poem you cited is a very good example for me to ponder, thank you!

To provide more information on this form:

A cinquain is a five-line stanza of syllabic verse

with lines containing

1 - two syllables
2 - four syllables
3 - six syllables
4 - eight syllables
5 - two syllables

As a cinquain chain, the beginning of the second stanza picks up the last line of the first stanza and the third stanza picks up the last line of the second stanza and ends with the first line of the first stanza.

Sometimes, I like to play with different forms to sharpen my skill. So this one is a play of form, too.
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu]
ericcoliu作品集

二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2007-05-29
帖子: 1393
来自: GTA, Canada

帖子发表于: 星期六 十一月 10, 2007 11:47 am    发表主题: 引用并回复

Hi! Lake:

Your points are well taken.

I'm single-minded about the issue about making textual connections without paying attention to formal aspects of writing cinquain.

I'm looking forward to your new work.
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