酷我-北美枫

Lake · 发表于: 星期五六月 15, 2007 10:07 pm 发表主题: Ominous Signs

Ominous Signs

Dusk, birds in haste fly home.
Then darkness creeps in. Disturbed,
cats climb up trees; dogs
bark far and near; fish
jump out of bubbling water.
A night like this is rare.

Before dawn, earth starts to quake
and crack as if a train clangs and clanks
along, while doors and windows
squeak and squawk, walls and roofs
moan and groan, collapsing in dust.
In a blink the city in ruins.

Stillness. Moon and stars hide
behind charcoal clouds. A girl
unaware of how she crawled
out of rubble, shivers. A cry for help
from underneath. Soon the voice fades.
If uncertain before, now she knows.

.

不清 · 发表于: 星期五六月 15, 2007 10:23 pm 发表主题:

good use of vocab! Smile

is this for the earthquake that happened in china a week ago?
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Lake · 发表于: 星期六六月 16, 2007 6:12 am 发表主题:

不清 · 发表于: 星期六六月 16, 2007 7:43 am 发表主题:

you are not satisfied? is it because you spend too much 字墨 describing the event, but not enough to express the true meaning?

the ending is interesting. "if uncertain before..." what is there to be certain with? huh....... Cool

_________________
「四十二排浪，沒有一排是相似的」——不清

博客：
http://42waves.tumblr.com

Lake · 发表于: 星期六六月 16, 2007 8:35 am 发表主题:

不清 · 发表于: 星期六六月 16, 2007 9:08 am 发表主题:

True meaning of natural disaster? huh......
Well, I don't believe in any superior power, so to me, it's not some kind of punishment or a message from God.
I see Earth (or any other planets) as another life form, and it's just doing what it has to do. it's part of the (eco) system I guess.
we human connect ourselves to the world we live in because we are aware of our existence, and we constantly question it.
Going back to the meaning of natural disaster.... I guess it's like, we eat, and we go to the "washroom", and you simply can't refuse it! Very Happy

_________________
「四十二排浪，沒有一排是相似的」——不清

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http://42waves.tumblr.com

anna · Site Admin 注册时间: 2004-05-02 帖子: 7141

Hi Lake,

I read this, it is very good with images and the last line I like the best...

As for the Ominous Sign. it works very well.

I guess you could omit some words to not be too telling, such as disturb....

But up to you.
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Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

Lake · 发表于: 星期三六月 27, 2007 1:31 pm 发表主题:

Lake · 发表于: 星期三六月 27, 2007 1:46 pm 发表主题:

Thanks anna for the telling part. I'll work on that in my future writing.

This poem is kind of a narrative, I think.