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A Brimming Memory

 
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不清[不清]
不清作品集

二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2006-03-22
帖子: 1364

帖子发表于: 星期日 六月 10, 2007 7:33 am    发表主题: A Brimming Memory 引用并回复

A Brimming Memory

You lean against sundown,
allowing your agedness to flow in shade.
I can see wings of white feathers grow,
bright as they pierce my eyes,
out of your hungry spine,
And they flap, displacing the pollen in the breeze.
I imagine the little electrons circling
the little neutrons and protons, gliding in despair.
And these wrinkles that live on your face quietly sigh
in darkness.

The two tortoises that you have back home are dreaming about the inclemency of winter.
Though earthquake, gunfire, and death have had yet to test me,
I am already in fear.

Unlike the typhoons of the South China Sea, they are given no names; they are given only a series of numbers.

June of 2007 / the zodiac animal has long gone / frightened by the music of firework and firecracker / pigs have been roasted / and eaten / and their souls are now back in queue / You wait for the next bus to come / and you have no time to decide on whether to sit or stand / sit on which seat / or / stand in front of whom / Dark clouds cover up the scenery / they can bring rain storm / they can move on to give way to the sun.

And the purpose of flowing is simply to flow.
It has no root.

Now,
you pour a bottle of Tsing-tao
till the mug is brimming with beer foam,
purposely heaving into your sight.

-- in memory of the June 4th movement --
_________________
「四十二排浪,沒有一排是相似的」——不清

博客:
http://42waves.tumblr.com


最后进行编辑的是 不清 on 星期一 六月 11, 2007 9:18 pm, 总计第 1 次编辑
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星子[ANNA]
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酷我!I made it!
酷我!I made it!


注册时间: 2004-06-05
帖子: 13192
来自: Toronto

帖子发表于: 星期一 六月 11, 2007 9:10 am    发表主题: 引用并回复

今天抽时间读读...
_________________
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不清[不清]
不清作品集

二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2006-03-22
帖子: 1364

帖子发表于: 星期一 六月 11, 2007 9:22 am    发表主题: 引用并回复

I sent this to Bunny as well. I am going to join the TOPS and she said she will publish this in the future newsletter.
_________________
「四十二排浪,沒有一排是相似的」——不清

博客:
http://42waves.tumblr.com
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Lake[Lake]
Lake作品集

二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2006-10-10
帖子: 1341
来自: Sky Blue Water

帖子发表于: 星期一 六月 11, 2007 9:50 am    发表主题: Re: A Brimming Memory 引用并回复

不清 写到:
A Brimming Memory

You lean against sundown,
allowing your agedness to flow in shade.
I can see wings of white feathers grow,
bright as they pierce my eyes,
out of your hungry spine,
And they flap, displacing the pollen in the breeze.
I imagine the little electrons circling
the little neutrons and protons, gliding in despair.
And these crinkle that live on your face quietly sigh
in darkness.

The two tortoises that you have back home are dreaming about the inclemency of winter.
Though earthquake, gunfire, and death have had yet to test me,
I am already in fear.

Unlike the typhoons of the South China Sea, they are given no names; they are given only a series of numbers.

June of 2007 / the zodiac animal has long gone / frightened by the music of firework and firecracker / pigs have been roasted / and eaten / and their souls are now back in queue / You wait for the next bus to come / and you have no time to decide on whether to sit or stand / sit on which seat / or / stand in front of whom / Dark clouds cover up the scenery / they can bring rain storm / they can move on to give way to the sun.

And the purpose of flowing is simply to flow.
It has no root.

Now,
you pour a bottle of Tsing-tao
till the mug is brimming with beer foam,
purposely heaving into your sight.

-- in memory of the June 4th movement --


The form does look like brimming...

Will it be more informative and helpful to the reader if the last line "-- in memory of the June 4th movement --" ( I am not quite sure if it is part of the poem or a note to the poem) is used as a subtitle?

A Brimming Memory
-- in memory of the June 4th movement


Just my thought.

.
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anna[星子安娜]
anna作品集

Site Admin


注册时间: 2004-05-02
帖子: 7141

帖子发表于: 星期一 六月 11, 2007 10:04 am    发表主题: 引用并回复

不清 写到:
I sent this to Bunny as well. I am going to join the TOPS and she said she will publish this in the future newsletter.


good for you.

TOPS is a very good Org.

I make a lot of friends there.

Three years ago, Bunny was the first one to publish my English poems in her local newspaper. She gave me great encouragement since then. In 2005 she recommended me for the Ted Planto Award.
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com
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不清[不清]
不清作品集

二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2006-03-22
帖子: 1364

帖子发表于: 星期一 六月 11, 2007 10:47 am    发表主题: 引用并回复

Hi Lake / Anna

I am not sure if I should make reference to the incident. I didn't do so in the chinese version, thinking the content and the use of symbolism (such as the words gunshot and June etc) may lead some people to that conclusion.

I try to make it as general as possible because i don't think poetry should be a record of a particular event. And also, one memory will always lead to another, but being specific doesn't reflect my philosophy.

But given the importance of the 6-4 incident, maybe I should. But I am still not sure. That's why I put the 6-4 reference at the end of the poem. Instead of using it as part of the title, that some readers may expect much more detail, I want it to be a footnote.

Again, I don't know if this is convincing. Smile
_________________
「四十二排浪,沒有一排是相似的」——不清

博客:
http://42waves.tumblr.com


最后进行编辑的是 不清 on 星期一 六月 11, 2007 11:07 am, 总计第 2 次编辑
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anna[星子安娜]
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Site Admin


注册时间: 2004-05-02
帖子: 7141

帖子发表于: 星期一 六月 11, 2007 11:04 am    发表主题: 引用并回复

不清 写到:
I am not sure if I should make reference to the incident. I didn't do so in the chinese version, thinking the content and the use of symbolism (such as the words gunshot and June etc) may lead some people to that conclusion.

I try to make it as general as possible because i don't think poetry should not be a record of a particular event. But given the importance of the 6-4 incident, maybe I should. But I am still not sure. That's why I put the 6-4 reference at the end of the poem. Instead of using it as part of the title, which the readers may expect a lot, I want it to be a footnote.

Again, I don't know if this is convincing. Smile


There were a few versions about the thing, there may be different views between outside and inside. I am not sure too.

But I think it is a good idea to make it general if you did not trully experience it, since sometimes it may lead too many different results.
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com
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不清[不清]
不清作品集

二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2006-03-22
帖子: 1364

帖子发表于: 星期一 六月 11, 2007 9:55 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

I understand what you mean. That 's probably the reason why I want to generalize it.
_________________
「四十二排浪,沒有一排是相似的」——不清

博客:
http://42waves.tumblr.com
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Lake[Lake]
Lake作品集

二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2006-10-10
帖子: 1341
来自: Sky Blue Water

帖子发表于: 星期三 六月 13, 2007 12:05 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

不清,

Make your own judgement, others' opinions are just what others think and feel. You hear but you don't have to listen to...

引用:
i don't think poetry should be a record of a particular event


I didn't see any reason why not. Many poems are written out of particular events and they have reference attached either in footnote or in titles that sometimes are pretty long. Even that, readers walk away with different things.

What makes you think the Chinese version does not need footnote while the English does?

Here is a poem I once read (hope I remembered it right):

《琴手》

自从那一夜

弹响了你的心弦

我才算琴手


我把它理解为任何能打动你的人,无论是朋友、老师、诗人、画家等等都可以看作是“琴手“。而那位诗人说,你说的是多义诗,其实读成单义,一首爱情诗,也是很美的啊。

This poem is rich in content and the end echoes the beginning, as "eyes" in the first stanza and "sight" in the last:

bright as they pierce my eyes
purposely heaving into your sight

Good day,

Lake
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