酷我-北美枫

星子 · 酷我！I made it！ 注册时间: 2004-06-05 帖子: 13192 来自: Toronto

冬夜
朱新魁

路边是破裂的冰块
黄色的月光给世界镀了一层金
在月光下久久伫立
我是站立在清澈的河水中
月光是河水
树是水草
人是鱼

宽广无边蓝色的河流
一条鱼抬头遥望
寒冷的气息应该是岸边的稻香

一条鱼
用力呼吸水草的香味
残余的炊烟的滋味
在蓝色的冰凉的月光的海水中。

Winter Night

By the roadside is the cracking ice
The yellow moonlight plates the world with a layer of gold
I stand in the moonlight
Long and quietly
as if I am in the clear water
Moonlight is the river
Trees are waterweeds
Person…the fish.

The broad and rimless blue river
A fish looks up and afar
Chilly breath seems the sweet wheat's smell from shore

A fish
Deeply Inhales
waterweeds' aroma
as the remaining smoke’s flavor
In the cool blue seawater-like moonlight.
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朱新魁 · 发表于: 星期日二月 25, 2007 10:08 pm 发表主题:

感谢星子

Lake · 发表于: 星期一二月 26, 2007 12:59 pm 发表主题:

谢谢星子。

a quick thought:

星子 · 发表于: 星期一二月 26, 2007 1:16 pm 发表主题:

I agree.

This was done last night, too rush...

thanks.
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戴玨 · 发表于: 星期三二月 28, 2007 10:18 am 发表主题:

"by the roadside" is ok.
The yellow moonlight plates the world with a layer of gold
I stand in the moonlight
rimless不妥
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我的blog:
http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1310527443

星子 · 发表于: 星期三二月 28, 2007 10:33 am 发表主题:

谢谢戴玨老师.您的建议很对....

这星期六下午,TOPS 有诗评,我会把这个翻译和我那首为教堂写的带去,请他们也指导指导...
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Lake · 发表于: 星期三二月 28, 2007 4:48 pm 发表主题:

anna · Site Admin 注册时间: 2004-05-02 帖子: 7141

I thought of "me" or I...

Yes. I will ask.

and also how they view this as a poem?

Thanks.

I borrow a book, and read a very strange sonnet..

will post it soon for discussion...
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Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com