酷我-北美枫

星子 · 酷我！I made it！ 注册时间: 2004-06-05 帖子: 13192 来自: Toronto

Art by Barry McCarthy

Blue

The ancient well
hides its depth,
under rotten rims.

Stylish window displays,
shut
beyond this muted scene.

Nobody fetches water
from the fountain.
Inside or outside,
are only shadows.

蓝调

锈斑下,
一口古井
掩藏它的深度.

华丽的窗台风华昭显,
遮盖
这处无声的场景.

没有人前来取水,
井的里外,
唯有阴影.
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kokho · 发表于: 星期一十一月 06, 2006 1:33 pm 发表主题:

让我仔细　感受　：））

。
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乒乓、摄影、诗歌

星子 · 发表于: 星期一十一月 06, 2006 4:17 pm 发表主题:

please share your honest comments.
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Lake · 发表于: 星期一十一月 06, 2006 4:49 pm 发表主题:

My honest comment:

Not a haiku, but with a touch of haiku.

Wonder what 'shutted' is.

Smile

kokho · 发表于: 星期一十一月 06, 2006 4:52 pm 发表主题:

Blue　

给你提意见。。。

The ancient well
hides its depth,　不急着展示他能及多远
discloses rotten rims.　他也不隐藏他夕日的光辉

A stylish window displays,　窗门把持着自己的矜持
shutted,　　　　　　　　　　在寂静的气氛里。。。
beyond this muted scene.　反映着周围森林的青葱生气

Nobody fetches water or　　只有那深藏着的水平面
poures fountain,　　　　　　在仔细的检查天空的蓝
inside or outside,　　　　　　用云朵　来擦拭颜色的饱和度
only shadows.　　　　　　　　

《》当你。把那些　形象的互动　用英文写出来。。。

就一定会很棒的！　这些　是我在猜你的感受，对吗？

。
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乒乓、摄影、诗歌

星子 · 发表于: 星期一十一月 06, 2006 6:39 pm 发表主题:

星子 · 发表于: 星期一十一月 06, 2006 6:40 pm 发表主题:

haha, kohko,

you guess wrong.

but anyway mine is more simple.

Anna
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Lake · 发表于: 星期一十一月 06, 2006 10:25 pm 发表主题:

Good for you Anna. You should also feel happy to see what others feel about and take from your 'simple' poem, with a profound thought.

kokho · 发表于: 星期二十一月 07, 2006 2:35 pm 发表主题:

Blue
.　　　　a study of imaginary selected by Anna

The ancient well
conceals it's reach
but displays the past-honour
with an etched trim.

Outwardly the window
restrains its reflection
by screening the serenity
of the nearby woods.

Only the hidden horizon
is reviewing the blueness
of the sky, by polishing it
with... roaming clouds.

Mesmerised, the untoll bell
listens in silence.

<> <> <> <> <>

[I think this do more justice for the painting.]
(English can be a much more descriptive language...)

... since Anna asked for an honest response.

THE APPROACHES APPLIED HEREIN ARE CALLED
ELEMENTS OF AESTHETICS... JUST AS DISPLAYED
BY THE PICTURE ABOVE.

.
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乒乓、摄影、诗歌

星子 · 发表于: 星期二十一月 07, 2006 3:14 pm 发表主题:

good...

One is more descriptive, the other more reflective....

thanks

You know what, I will print both versions and show them to the artist. He will be there Nov 19.
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kokho · 发表于: 星期二十一月 07, 2006 4:19 pm 发表主题:

这其实　是你的诗　：））

因为　形象群　是你选的；

如果我说这时我的诗，哪就是　强盗逻辑。。。

希望你不要生气哟　；０
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乒乓、摄影、诗歌

长篙 · 发表于: 星期二十一月 07, 2006 6:07 pm 发表主题:

最好是一句英语一句汉文,方便阅读和比较.
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忘掉写诗,你才开始真正写诗;詩無定法,隨性而安

長篙诗歌自然門
http://blog.sina.com.cn/99GG

星子 · 发表于: 星期二十一月 07, 2006 9:45 pm 发表主题:

星子 · 发表于: 星期五十一月 17, 2006 1:59 pm 发表主题:

Today I checked the painting again, found its title "Captains Quarters"...discussed with two other poets, they thought in western world, it was the bell, not with a well.
So I will bring two versions to the artist. and I will ask him.

Captains Quarters

The ancient bell
hides its stories,
under rotten rims.

Stylish window displays,
shut
beyond this muted scene.

Nobody recalls
its victory.
Inside or outside,
are only shadows.
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