阅读上一个主题 :: 阅读下一个主题 |
作者 |
留言 |
robarts[robarts] robarts作品集 六品通判 (官儿做大了,保持廉洁哦)
注册时间: 2008-03-24 帖子: 114 来自: Canada
|
发表于: 星期二 七月 22, 2008 12:38 pm 发表主题: Sitting Alone by a Pond (Two Versions) |
|
|
_________________ If one cannot enjoy reading a book over and over again, there is no use in reading it at all.
最后进行编辑的是 robarts on 星期六 十一月 15, 2008 4:15 pm, 总计第 5 次编辑 |
|
返回页首 |
|
|
christine[christine] christine作品集 四品府丞 (封疆大吏也!)
注册时间: 2008-02-25 帖子: 304
|
发表于: 星期二 七月 22, 2008 6:57 pm 发表主题: |
|
|
This poem is too consciously reflective to me. |
|
返回页首 |
|
|
Champagne[Champagne] Champagne作品集 四品府丞 (封疆大吏也!)
注册时间: 2007-09-15 帖子: 394 来自: Nowhere & Everywhere
|
发表于: 星期三 七月 23, 2008 9:47 am 发表主题: |
|
|
christine 写到: | This poem is too consciously reflective to me. |
Yes, it's made delicately or elaborately. _________________ I'm Champagne,
Bottled poetry with sparkling joy. |
|
返回页首 |
|
|
温暖的水獸[温暖的水獸] 温暖的水獸作品集 五品知州 (再努力一把就是四品大员了!)
注册时间: 2008-04-23 帖子: 153 来自: 水族箱
|
发表于: 星期四 七月 24, 2008 12:03 pm 发表主题: |
|
|
Champagne 写到: |
christine 写到: | This poem is too consciously reflective to me. |
Yes, it's made delicately or elaborately. |
A little harsh?
Facing Nature we lose our words, which expresses the understanding of Zen's meaning. _________________ 舌頭那匹温暖的水獸 馴養地在小小的水族箱中 蠕動
那獸說:是的 我願意 |
|
返回页首 |
|
|
robarts[robarts] robarts作品集 六品通判 (官儿做大了,保持廉洁哦)
注册时间: 2008-03-24 帖子: 114 来自: Canada
|
发表于: 星期四 七月 24, 2008 3:01 pm 发表主题: |
|
|
Thank you all for your comments.
温暖的水獸 写到: | Champagne 写到: |
christine 写到: | This poem is too consciously reflective to me. |
Yes, it's made delicately or elaborately. |
A little harsh?
Facing Nature we lose our words, which expresses the understanding of Zen's meaning. |
That's my intention to write this poem. _________________ If one cannot enjoy reading a book over and over again, there is no use in reading it at all. |
|
返回页首 |
|
|
ericcoliu[ericcoliu] ericcoliu作品集 二品总督 (刚入二品,小心做人)
注册时间: 2007-05-29 帖子: 1393 来自: GTA, Canada
|
发表于: 星期四 七月 24, 2008 8:14 pm 发表主题: Re: Sitting Alone by a Pond |
|
|
A little wrought to me. _________________ Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul
最后进行编辑的是 ericcoliu on 星期四 五月 21, 2009 3:09 pm, 总计第 1 次编辑 |
|
返回页首 |
|
|
christine[christine] christine作品集 四品府丞 (封疆大吏也!)
注册时间: 2008-02-25 帖子: 304
|
发表于: 星期六 七月 26, 2008 12:28 pm 发表主题: Re: Sitting Alone by a Pond |
|
|
ericcoliu 写到: |
A little wrought to me. |
Just a different poetic inclination.
I like the main theme expressed in your Zen-influenced poem. |
|
返回页首 |
|
|
robarts[robarts] robarts作品集 六品通判 (官儿做大了,保持廉洁哦)
注册时间: 2008-03-24 帖子: 114 来自: Canada
|
发表于: 星期二 十月 21, 2008 12:52 pm 发表主题: |
|
|
Christine,
Thanks for your kind words and encouraging comment.
Yes, this poem reflects my reading experience of Zen-Buddhism. _________________ If one cannot enjoy reading a book over and over again, there is no use in reading it at all. |
|
返回页首 |
|
|
robarts[robarts] robarts作品集 六品通判 (官儿做大了,保持廉洁哦)
注册时间: 2008-03-24 帖子: 114 来自: Canada
|
发表于: 星期四 十月 23, 2008 3:42 pm 发表主题: |
|
|
I've revised my piece again.
I'm not sure of the concluding stanza, especially of its first line.
Any suggestions would be very much appreciated! _________________ If one cannot enjoy reading a book over and over again, there is no use in reading it at all. |
|
返回页首 |
|
|
Lake[Lake] Lake作品集 二品总督 (刚入二品,小心做人)
注册时间: 2006-10-10 帖子: 1341 来自: Sky Blue Water
|
发表于: 星期五 十月 24, 2008 12:13 pm 发表主题: |
|
|
robarts,
It is a nice, serene little poem.
引用: | I'm not sure of the concluding stanza, especially of its first line. |
I'm not very keen on "Encountering them" either. And also, does 'them' refer to all the images described in the previous stanzas?
I also think verbs are more powerful than some phrases. For example,
expressions like :
pay their attention, give their consent can be replaced by just verbs.
One person's opinion only.
Cheers |
|
返回页首 |
|
|
robarts[robarts] robarts作品集 六品通判 (官儿做大了,保持廉洁哦)
注册时间: 2008-03-24 帖子: 114 来自: Canada
|
发表于: 星期二 十月 28, 2008 1:34 pm 发表主题: |
|
|
Lake 写到: |
I'm not very keen on "Encountering them" either. And also, does 'them' refer to all the images described in the previous stanzas? |
Yes.
Lake 写到: |
I also think verbs are more powerful than some phrases. For example, expressions like :
pay their attention, give their consent can be replaced by just verbs.
|
Lake, thanks for your close reading of my poem and helpful suggestion. I'll mull it over and revise my poem later. _________________ If one cannot enjoy reading a book over and over again, there is no use in reading it at all. |
|
返回页首 |
|
|
robarts[robarts] robarts作品集 六品通判 (官儿做大了,保持廉洁哦)
注册时间: 2008-03-24 帖子: 114 来自: Canada
|
发表于: 星期二 十月 28, 2008 1:35 pm 发表主题: |
|
|
Lake 写到: |
I'm not very keen on "Encountering them" either. And also, does 'them' refer to all the images described in the previous stanzas? |
Yes.
Lake 写到: |
I also think verbs are more powerful than some phrases. For example, expressions like :
pay their attention, give their consent can be replaced by just verbs.
|
Lake, thanks for your close reading of my poem and helpful suggestion. I'll mull it over and revise my poem later. _________________ If one cannot enjoy reading a book over and over again, there is no use in reading it at all. |
|
返回页首 |
|
|
Lake[Lake] Lake作品集 二品总督 (刚入二品,小心做人)
注册时间: 2006-10-10 帖子: 1341 来自: Sky Blue Water
|
发表于: 星期三 十一月 05, 2008 12:09 am 发表主题: |
|
|
I thought I left something unfinished here. Here's my attempt based on your version, hope it still retains the spirit in the original. |
|
返回页首 |
|
|
ericcoliu[ericcoliu] ericcoliu作品集 二品总督 (刚入二品,小心做人)
注册时间: 2007-05-29 帖子: 1393 来自: GTA, Canada
|
发表于: 星期三 十一月 05, 2008 9:29 am 发表主题: |
|
|
The concluding stanza of your rewrite is quite good and well expresses the mood of the poem.
That’s because two minds and one heart make the work better. It’s a not unusual practice used at a forum I just joined two months ago. By the way, poets there frequently write poems as replies and tribute poems to one another, which, in my view, are part of the poetic traditions throughout the human history, surely including the Chinese one (ironically I rediscovered this tradition at an Anglo-American-dominated forum). Even a new member like me, I’ve so far received three poems as replies to my work. They read and think through my work and are interested in the topics discussed in my work. Quite a rewarding experience.
Your “why” raises a big question for every and each of participants here: why have we forgotten these traditions?
Hopefully, these beautiful and encouraging traditions can be restored here. Everyone can read and write beyond one’s work.
Though I'm glad that you raised this question long-neglected by participants here, no one at the forum I just mentioned above has raised it; maybe that's one of the reasons it is listed as one of the "101 Best Websites for Writers" by Writer's Digest. _________________ Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul
最后进行编辑的是 ericcoliu on 星期四 五月 21, 2009 3:10 pm, 总计第 2 次编辑 |
|
返回页首 |
|
|
Lake[Lake] Lake作品集 二品总督 (刚入二品,小心做人)
注册时间: 2006-10-10 帖子: 1341 来自: Sky Blue Water
|
发表于: 星期三 十一月 05, 2008 2:42 pm 发表主题: |
|
|
ericcoliu 写到: |
It’s a not unusual practice used at a forum I just joined two months ago. By the way, poets there frequently write poems as replies and tribute poems to one another, Even a new member like me, I’ve so far received three poems as replies to my work.
|
Thanks for your reply, Eric. It's simply out of curiosity, nothing serious.
To my understanding, 'reply' and 'co-author' are different things (correct me if I'm wrong). The former is more common than the later, especially in poetry writing. I've received quite a few such 'replies', too, but never written anything co-authored. Just wondering how it would happen. It doesn't mean it won't happen - I personally read a couple of poems with two people's names on - it is just not as a common practice as 'reply'.
Sorry for stealing this thread for the question. I'm afraid I've created enough turmoil. Maybe it's time for me to take a leave.
PS: My version of the above poem doesn't fall into either of the categories. But rather just another way of practicing how to tighten up ideas and words. And thank you for the opportunity. |
|
返回页首 |
|
|
|