酷我-北美枫

Lake

Guanyin

You come with a smile
brush me with a willow branch
nourish me with clear dew from the water jar
Parched souls shout from the wilderness
your reply is the most beautiful echo

Lotus flower holds your feet, like clouds
light and graceful, to rescue me from the turbid river
to moor my dream to the lotus pond, to the fragrant
green shade, where it rises, to the sound of chattering stars
distills into a water droplet on the tip of a leaf

When my head is heavy as a rock
muscles and bones saturated with fatigue
you are my
forever young mother

观音
--李加建

含笑而来，以杨枝拂我
滋润我，以净瓶之水的甘露
燥热的灵魂在荒原上呼喊
你是应答的最美回声

莲花托你双足如云，轻盈
拯我于浑浊的河流
把梦泊向荷塘、那清香的绿荫
在星星的碎语里、升华为
荷叶上一颗小小水珠

当头颅沉重如磐石
疲惫浸透筋骨
你是我
永远年青的小母亲

anna · Site Admin 注册时间: 2004-05-02 帖子: 7141

Hi Lake....

How about

brush me with a willow twig ?

nourish me with pure dew from a jar ?

Parched souls shout from the wilderness , I wonder why souls? not soul?
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

非马 · 发表于: 星期二三月 02, 2010 11:50 pm 发表主题:

Hi Lake,

第二节读起来有点不对劲，也许是因为原诗使用了几个“、”使诗意不太明确的缘故。

Lake · 发表于: 星期三三月 03, 2010 1:43 pm 发表主题:

Thanks anna for the read and suggestion.

译的是比较匆忙，粗糙。

twig, branch 都可以吧, 我喜欢有树叶的感觉。

pure, 倒是合上了“净土”。

曾用了单数，那就只代表诗中一人。后用了复数，范围更广一些。如果确实只指作者一人，单数是对的。我可能想太多了。

Food for thoughts.

Thanks.

Lake · 发表于: 星期三三月 03, 2010 1:52 pm 发表主题: