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ericcoliu[ericcoliu]
ericcoliu作品集
二品总督
（刚入二品，小心做人）
注册时间: 2007-05-29
帖子: 1393
来自: GTA, Canada
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 发表于: 星期三 十一月 05, 2008 3:30 pm 发表主题: |
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| Lake 写到: |
To my understanding, 'reply' and 'co-author' are different things (correct me if I'm wrong). |
Yes, I know that.
In my previous reply,
| ericcoliu 写到: |
It’s a not unusual practice used at a forum I just joined two months ago. By the way, poets there frequently write poems as replies and tribute poems to one another, Even a new member like me, I’ve so far received three poems as replies to my work.
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What I said is that besides co-authoring, poets there frequently write poems as replies and tribute poems to one another.
Thank you for your rewrite. I've learned something new from it.
_________________
Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul |
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu]
ericcoliu作品集
二品总督
（刚入二品，小心做人）
注册时间: 2007-05-29
帖子: 1393
来自: GTA, Canada
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| 发表于: 星期四 十一月 06, 2008 6:27 am 发表主题: |
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| Lake 写到: |
PS: My version of the above poem doesn't fall into either of the categories. But rather just another way of practicing how to tighten up ideas and words. |
| ericcoliu 写到: |
Thank you for your rewrite. I've learned something new from it. |
Below is my another take:
moon in the water
reflects stillness,
meditation.
Insects and frogs
attend
to starry silence.
Willows by the pond
consent
to serenity.
I find my words
lost to the sky.
_________________
Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul |
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robarts[robarts]
robarts作品集
六品通判
（官儿做大了，保持廉洁哦）
注册时间: 2008-03-24
帖子: 114
来自: Canada
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| 发表于: 星期六 十一月 15, 2008 4:12 pm 发表主题: |
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| ericcoliu 写到: |
Below is my another take:
moon in the water
reflects stillness,
meditation.
Insects and frogs
attend
to starry silence.
Willows by the pond
consent
to serenity.
I find my words
lost to the sky. |
I like your rewrite immensely. It's more succinct.
_________________
If one cannot enjoy reading a book over and over again, there is no use in reading it at all. |
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robarts[robarts]
robarts作品集
六品通判
（官儿做大了，保持廉洁哦）
注册时间: 2008-03-24
帖子: 114
来自: Canada
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| 发表于: 星期六 十一月 15, 2008 4:18 pm 发表主题: |
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| Lake 写到: |
The moon in the water
reflects its stillness
of meditation.
Insects and frogs
hold their breath,
listen to silence.
Standing willows
sway gently
in serenity.
Intoxicated,
my words
lost in ether.
|
Thank you so much for your close reading and helpful rewrite.
Below is another take based on your rewrite:
The moon meditates
in the stillness
of the waters.
Insects and frogs
hold their breath,
listen to silence.
Stands of willows
sway gently
in serenity.
Intoxicated,
my words
lost in ether.
_________________
If one cannot enjoy reading a book over and over again, there is no use in reading it at all. |
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robarts[robarts]
robarts作品集
六品通判
（官儿做大了，保持廉洁哦）
注册时间: 2008-03-24
帖子: 114
来自: Canada
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| 发表于: 星期六 十一月 15, 2008 4:24 pm 发表主题: |
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| ericcoliu 写到: |
| Lake 写到: |
Why do you all enjoy "co-author"? |
That’s because two minds and one heart make the work better.
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I concur!
| ericcoliu 写到: |
It’s a not unusual practice used at a forum I just joined two months ago. By the way, poets there frequently write poems as replies and tribute poems to one another, which, in my view, are part of the poetic traditions throughout the human history, surely including the Chinese one (ironically I rediscovered this tradition at an Anglo-American-dominated forum). Even a new member like me, I’ve so far received three poems as replies to my work. They read and think through my work and are interested in the topics discussed in my work. Quite a regarding experience.
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Yes, I agree with you. Thoughts, dialogue and cultural exchanges really took place at that forum.
_________________
If one cannot enjoy reading a book over and over again, there is no use in reading it at all. |
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Lake[Lake]
Lake作品集
二品总督
（刚入二品，小心做人）
注册时间: 2006-10-10
帖子: 1341
来自: Sky Blue Water
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| 发表于: 星期一 十一月 17, 2008 2:51 pm 发表主题: |
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| ericcoliu 写到: |
Below is my another take:
moon in the water
reflects stillness,
meditation.
Insects and frogs
attend
to starry silence.
Willows by the pond
consent
to serenity.
I find my words
lost to the sky. |
Oh, Your another rewrite. Good to see all the phrasal verbs are gone. I have to admit this is a good revision, I'm very impressed for it looks like it's done by someone who has years of experience in writing haiku (I have two very close friends whose Haikus are exceptionally good and they influenced me a lot, that's how I feel about the revision) .
A wee nit pick: the last stanza is off your three line structure, not a big deal though. |
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Lake[Lake]
Lake作品集
二品总督
（刚入二品，小心做人）
注册时间: 2006-10-10
帖子: 1341
来自: Sky Blue Water
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| 发表于: 星期一 十一月 17, 2008 3:00 pm 发表主题: |
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| robarts 写到: | | Lake 写到: |
The moon in the water
reflects its stillness
of meditation.
Insects and frogs
hold their breath,
listen to silence.
Standing willows
sway gently
in serenity.
Intoxicated,
my words
lost in ether.
|
Thank you so much for your close reading and helpful rewrite.
Below is another take based on your rewrite:
The moon meditates
in the stillness
of the waters.
Insects and frogs
hold their breath,
listen to silence.
Stands of willows
sway gently
in serenity.
Intoxicated,
my words
lost in ether. |
Whose take is it now? I'm confused. 
If I have more freedom, I would further trim down the first stanza to :
The still moon
reflects its
meditation
See I removed both 'water' and 'pond' for they are implied in the title already. Personal take again. |
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Lake[Lake]
Lake作品集
二品总督
（刚入二品，小心做人）
注册时间: 2006-10-10
帖子: 1341
来自: Sky Blue Water
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| 发表于: 星期一 十一月 17, 2008 3:08 pm 发表主题: |
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| robarts 写到: | | ericcoliu 写到: |
| Lake 写到: |
Why do you all enjoy "co-author"? |
That’s because two minds and one heart make the work better.
|
I concur!
| ericcoliu 写到: |
It’s a not unusual practice used at a forum I just joined two months ago. By the way, poets there frequently write poems as replies and tribute poems to one another, which, in my view, are part of the poetic traditions throughout the human history, surely including the Chinese one (ironically I rediscovered this tradition at an Anglo-American-dominated forum). Even a new member like me, I’ve so far received three poems as replies to my work. They read and think through my work and are interested in the topics discussed in my work. Quite a regarding experience.
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Yes, I agree with you. Thoughts, dialogue and cultural exchanges really took place at that forum. |
All right, all right. I've done this before, but with a group of people and the "product" is labeled Collaborative Work, and all the authors's names are mentioned. I bet when the poem is posted somewhere else, it'll have two people's names.
Take care and enjoy your writing experience. |
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robarts[robarts]
robarts作品集
六品通判
（官儿做大了，保持廉洁哦）
注册时间: 2008-03-24
帖子: 114
来自: Canada
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| 发表于: 星期一 十一月 24, 2008 1:14 pm 发表主题: |
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| Lake 写到: |
A wee nit pick: the last stanza is off your three line structure, not a big deal though. |
Yes, a good point.
| Lake 写到: |
I bet when the poem is posted somewhere else, it'll have two people's names. |
In my view, if everyone involved in the collaborative work is given a due share of the recognition of his contribution, that will be fine with me.
_________________
If one cannot enjoy reading a book over and over again, there is no use in reading it at all. |
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Lake[Lake]
Lake作品集
二品总督
（刚入二品，小心做人）
注册时间: 2006-10-10
帖子: 1341
来自: Sky Blue Water
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| 发表于: 星期一 十一月 24, 2008 3:56 pm 发表主题: |
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| 引用: | Quite a regarding experience.
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By the way, what does regarding experience mean? |
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu]
ericcoliu作品集
二品总督
（刚入二品，小心做人）
注册时间: 2007-05-29
帖子: 1393
来自: GTA, Canada
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| 发表于: 星期一 十一月 24, 2008 8:13 pm 发表主题: |
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| Lake 写到: |
By the way, what does regarding experience mean? |
A typo.
Rewarding not regarding experience.
_________________
Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul |
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