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Seeking the Recluse (revised)

 
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christine[christine]
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注册时间: 2008-02-25
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帖子发表于: 星期四 十月 30, 2008 9:37 am    发表主题: Seeking the Recluse (revised) 引用并回复

尋隱者不遇 賈島

松下問童子
言師採藥去
只在此山中
雲深不知處

English Translation: Seeking the Recluse but Not Meeting by Jia Dao

Under a pine
I asked the little boy;

he said, “My Master’s gone
to pick herbs.

I only know
he’s in this mountain somewhere,

but the clouds are so deep,
and I don't know where.”


最后进行编辑的是 christine on 星期四 十一月 06, 2008 10:06 am, 总计第 2 次编辑
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fanfan[FFFFFF]
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注册时间: 2007-12-27
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来自: Canada

帖子发表于: 星期四 十月 30, 2008 11:06 am    发表主题: Re: Seeking the Recluse but Not Meeting 引用并回复

christine 写到:


尋隱者不遇 賈島


English Translation: Seeking the Recluse but Not Meeting by Jia Dao


but the clouds are so deep
to know where.”


too deep?

I don't think it's a good idea to adopt a literal English translation of the Chinese title of the poem.

My take would be:

Seeking the Master ( or Recluse)
_________________
Don't imitate me;
it's as boring
as the two halves of a melon.
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu]
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注册时间: 2007-05-29
帖子: 1393
来自: GTA, Canada

帖子发表于: 星期四 十月 30, 2008 5:02 pm    发表主题: Re: Seeking the Recluse but Not Meeting 引用并回复

christine 写到:


只在此山中
雲深不知處


I only know
He’s on this mountain,

but the clouds are so deep
to know where.”


My suggestion is as follows:

I only know
he’s in this mountain somewhere,

but the clouds are so deep,
and I don't know where.”
_________________
Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul
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东西[东西]
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注册时间: 2008-06-07
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来自: East_West

帖子发表于: 星期六 十一月 01, 2008 11:32 am    发表主题: Re: Seeking the Recluse but Not Meeting 引用并回复

fanfan 写到:


I don't think it's a good idea to adopt a literal English translation of the Chinese title of the poem.

My take would be:

Seeking the Master ( or Recluse)


In my view, Seeking the Recluse would be fine, which fits the main theme of the poem.
_________________
East is East, and West is West, and never the twain shall meet.
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Lake[Lake]
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注册时间: 2006-10-10
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来自: Sky Blue Water

帖子发表于: 星期六 十一月 01, 2008 9:02 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

christine,

I like your structure which is agile, not rigid. But I agree with Eric's last line "I don't know where.” Yes, put "I" there.

Lake
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christine[christine]
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注册时间: 2008-02-25
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帖子发表于: 星期日 十一月 02, 2008 1:20 pm    发表主题: Re: Seeking the Recluse but Not Meeting 引用并回复

东西 写到:


fanfan 写到:


I don't think it's a good idea to adopt a literal English translation of the Chinese title of the poem.

My take would be:

Seeking the Master ( or Recluse)


In my view, Seeking the Recluse would be fine, which fits the main theme of the poem.


Yes. Thanks for your helpful suggestion.
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christine[christine]
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四品府丞
(封疆大吏也!)
四品府丞<BR>(封疆大吏也!)


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帖子发表于: 星期日 十一月 02, 2008 1:22 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

ericcoliu 写到:


christine 写到:


只在此山中
雲深不知處


I only know
He’s on this mountain,

but the clouds are so deep
to know where.”


My suggestion is as follows:

I only know
he’s in this mountain somewhere,

but the clouds are so deep,
and I don't know where.”


Lake 写到:

christine,

I like your structure which is agile, not rigid. But I agree with Eric's last line "I don't know where.” Yes, put "I" there.

Lake


Hi! Eric and Lake:

Thanks for your close reading and helpful suggestions. I'll think them over and revise my translation later.
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christine[christine]
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四品府丞
(封疆大吏也!)
四品府丞<BR>(封疆大吏也!)


注册时间: 2008-02-25
帖子: 304

帖子发表于: 星期四 十一月 06, 2008 10:05 am    发表主题: 引用并回复

Lake 写到:


I like your structure which is agile, not rigid. But I agree with Eric's last line "I don't know where.” Yes, put "I" there.



Thank both of you for your helpful suggestions, upon which my revision is based.
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christine[christine]
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四品府丞
(封疆大吏也!)
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帖子发表于: 星期五 十一月 07, 2008 1:50 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

For anyone who is interested in the English translation of Jia Dao's work, check When I Find You Again, It Will Be in Mountains by Dao Jia, translated by Mike O'Connor.
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