酷我-北美枫

[Lake]

Sevenling (a quick write after reading Champagne's sevenling)

Born on this brown dusty land
they were driven out by failed crops,
great owners and malicious cops.

They fled westward for jobs,
any jobs, a little house painted white,
and a green orchard under bright sunlight.

The hungry the angry the tough migrants.

Original

Born on this brown dusty land
they were driven out by failed crops,
great owners and malicious cops.

They fled westward for jobs,
any jobs, a little house painted white,
and a green orchard under bright sunlight.

The hungry the angry the rough Okies.

[[Lake]]

Sevenling (a quick write after reading Champagne's sevenling)

Born on this brown dusty land
they were driven out by failed crops,
great owners and malicious cops.

They fled westward for jobs,
any jobs, a little house painted white,
and a green orchard under bright sunlight.

The hungry the angry the tough migrants.

Original

Born on this brown dusty land
they were driven out by failed crops,
great owners and malicious cops.

They fled westward for jobs,
any jobs, a little house painted white,
and a green orchard under bright sunlight.

The hungry the angry the rough Okies.

[Champagne]

A well-written, "loosely-defined" sevenling.

The last line backs up each of the main themes portrayed in the poem.
_________________
I'm Champagne,
Bottled poetry with sparkling joy.

[[Champagne]]

A well-written, "loosely-defined" sevenling.

The last line backs up each of the main themes portrayed in the poem.
_________________
I'm Champagne,
Bottled poetry with sparkling joy.

[Lake]

Thanks Champagne for the read and comment.

Yeah, loosely written. Could you please show me how to tighten up? Maybe I haven't grasped the gist of it.

Thanks.

[[Lake]]

Thanks Champagne for the read and comment.

Yeah, loosely written. Could you please show me how to tighten up? Maybe I haven't grasped the gist of it.

Thanks.

[Champagne]

[[Champagne]]

[Champagne]

[[Champagne]]

[Lake]

Hi Champagne,

Haha, if you want to withdraw something, withdraw your self accusation from the second part of your second comment.

I'll go and have a look of your revised Sevenling.

Cheers,

Lake

[[Lake]]

Hi Champagne,

Haha, if you want to withdraw something, withdraw your self accusation from the second part of your second comment.

I'll go and have a look of your revised Sevenling.

Cheers,

Lake

[Lake]

[[Lake]]

[Champagne]

I like his trio of novels In Dubious Battle, Of Mice and Men, and The Grapes of Wrath, which focus on the lives of migrant workers in California in the late 1930s.

Sorry, I didn’t recognize your “Okie” at first because I read the Chinese translation.

I enjoyed reading your socially conscious sevenling.
_________________
I'm Champagne,
Bottled poetry with sparkling joy.

[[Champagne]]

I like his trio of novels In Dubious Battle, Of Mice and Men, and The Grapes of Wrath, which focus on the lives of migrant workers in California in the late 1930s.

Sorry, I didn’t recognize your “Okie” at first because I read the Chinese translation.

I enjoyed reading your socially conscious sevenling.
_________________
I'm Champagne,
Bottled poetry with sparkling joy.

[fanfan]

[[FAFAFA]]

[ericcoliu]

[[ericcoliu]]

[Lake]

Hello fanfan and eric,

Points taken. The original is posted up for comparison.

Thanks.

[[Lake]]

Hello fanfan and eric,

Points taken. The original is posted up for comparison.

Thanks.

[浴恩福]

In the context of The Grapes of Wrath, the migrants faced hostility from the local residents, who labeled them with the derisive epithet “Okie.”

Therefore, the original version is, in my humble opinion, more socially conscious.
_________________
報三恩、耕三大福田

[[浴恩福]]

In the context of The Grapes of Wrath, the migrants faced hostility from the local residents, who labeled them with the derisive epithet “Okie.”

Therefore, the original version is, in my humble opinion, more socially conscious.
_________________
報三恩、耕三大福田

[Lake]

Thanks 浴恩福.

I just finished this book, a great novel recommended by my poet friend. It helps the reader to understand the great depression and the hardship and the humanity during that special time.

The reason I changed the ending is that I'm afraid not everyone understands the term "Okie" and also I feel it can be related to a lot of similar situations. Now after reading the above comments, I think I should trust the readers, let them figure out what's what, and let them find out any possible associations if there is any. And of course, this needs attentive reading .

Thanks again everyone!

[[Lake]]

Thanks 浴恩福.

I just finished this book, a great novel recommended by my poet friend. It helps the reader to understand the great depression and the hardship and the humanity during that special time.

The reason I changed the ending is that I'm afraid not everyone understands the term "Okie" and also I feel it can be related to a lot of similar situations. Now after reading the above comments, I think I should trust the readers, let them figure out what's what, and let them find out any possible associations if there is any. And of course, this needs attentive reading .

Thanks again everyone!

[dundas]

[[dundas]]

[Champagne]

I believe that truly and deeply sensing or experiencing the original version of your poem in its contextualized setting is actually sensing or experiencing the universal connotation of the revised one.
_________________
I'm Champagne,
Bottled poetry with sparkling joy.

[[Champagne]]

I believe that truly and deeply sensing or experiencing the original version of your poem in its contextualized setting is actually sensing or experiencing the universal connotation of the revised one.
_________________
I'm Champagne,
Bottled poetry with sparkling joy.