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鹿柴,The Deer Enclosure

 
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Champagne[Champagne]
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注册时间: 2007-09-15
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来自: Nowhere & Everywhere

帖子发表于: 星期六 八月 16, 2008 3:49 pm    发表主题: 鹿柴,The Deer Enclosure 引用并回复

鹿柴,王維

空山不見人, 但聞人語響。
返景入深林, 復照青苔上。


English Translation

The Deer Enclosure

In the empty mountains,
There seems to be no one;
Yet, human echoes
Can be heard.


Returning sunlight
Enters the dark forest
And shines again
On green moss.
_________________
I'm Champagne,
Bottled poetry with sparkling joy.


最后进行编辑的是 Champagne on 星期二 九月 02, 2008 9:29 am, 总计第 4 次编辑
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anna[星子安娜]
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注册时间: 2004-05-02
帖子: 7141

帖子发表于: 星期日 八月 17, 2008 8:53 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

Just googled a few other translations.

found the following in the http://www.prairiewindzen.org/zen_chinese_poetry.html#5

there the poem is used as Zen example.


Deer Fence

In the empty mountains
I see no one,
But hear the sound
Of someone's voice.

Slanting sunlight
Enters deep forest,
And shines again
On green moss.


Wang Wei
trans. Greg Whincup

I guess deep forest is better.
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com
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Champagne[Champagne]
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四品府丞
(封疆大吏也!)
四品府丞<BR>(封疆大吏也!)


注册时间: 2007-09-15
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来自: Nowhere & Everywhere

帖子发表于: 星期一 八月 18, 2008 8:14 am    发表主题: 引用并回复

anna 写到:


found the following in the http://www.prairiewindzen.org/zen_chinese_poetry.html#5

there the poem is used as Zen example.




Yes, this poem is a Zen-like poem: solid objects on the one hand, murmuring voices and reflected light on the other.

anna 写到:



I guess deep forest is better.


In my view, the deep forest is the denotative meaning of 深林 while the dark forest is the connotative one.

More importantly, I hope my translation can present the contrasting image revealed in the third sentence of 鹿柴.

Thanks for sharing your thought and the information regarding the translation by Greg Whincup.


Here is another translation by Witter Bynner

DEER-PARK HERMITAGE


There seems to be no one on the empty mountain....
And yet I think I hear a voice,
Where sunlight, entering a grove,
Shines back to me from the green moss.
_________________
I'm Champagne,
Bottled poetry with sparkling joy.
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东西[东西]
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注册时间: 2008-06-07
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来自: East_West

帖子发表于: 星期一 八月 18, 2008 12:27 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

Champagne 写到:


English Translation

Deer Fence

In the empty mountains,
There seems to be no one,
And yet I hear the echo
Of someone’s voice.

Returning sunlight
Enters the dark forest
And shines again
On green moss.



anna 写到:


Deer Fence

In the empty mountains
I see no one,
But hear the sound
Of someone's voice.

Slanting sunlight
Enters deep forest,
And shines again
On green moss.


Wang Wei
trans. Greg Whincup



These two translation are similar in the way they interpret Wang Wei's poem. However, I think Champagne's choice of some words, such as echo (響) and the dark forest (深林), is better than that of Whipcup.

Champagne 写到:


Here is another translation by Witter Bynner

DEER-PARK HERMITAGE


There seems to be no one on the empty mountain....
And yet I think I hear a voice,
Where sunlight, entering a grove,
Shines back to me from the green moss.


In my view, the translation of the title is not accurate.
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Champagne[Champagne]
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帖子发表于: 星期一 八月 18, 2008 8:14 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

东西 写到:


Here is another translation by Witter Bynner

DEER-PARK HERMITAGE


There seems to be no one on the empty mountain....
And yet I think I hear a voice,
Where sunlight, entering a grove,
Shines back to me from the green moss.


In my view, the translation of the title is not accurate.[/quote]

Yes.

鹿柴 is a fence of woven brushwood where deer congregates on Wang Wei's estate.
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I'm Champagne,
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浴恩福[浴恩福]
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帖子发表于: 星期二 八月 19, 2008 7:11 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

东西 写到:


English Translation

Deer Fence

In the empty mountains,
There seems to be no one,
And yet I hear the echo
Of someone’s voice.

Returning sunlight
Enters the dark forest
And shines again
On green moss.



Deer Fence

In the empty mountains
I see no one,
But hear the sound
Of someone's voice.

Slanting sunlight
Enters deep forest,
And shines again
On green moss.


Wang Wei
trans. Greg Whincup

These two translation are similar in the way they interpret Wang Wei's poem. However, I think Champagne's choice of some words, such as echo (響) and the dark forest (深林), is better than that of Whipcup.



In my view, "returning sunlight" is better than "slanting sunlight" because 返景 is the light of the afternoon sun, which has fallen low enough to penetrate again the forest.
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Champagne[Champagne]
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四品府丞
(封疆大吏也!)
四品府丞<BR>(封疆大吏也!)


注册时间: 2007-09-15
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来自: Nowhere & Everywhere

帖子发表于: 星期三 八月 20, 2008 7:25 am    发表主题: 引用并回复

Thanks for your encouraging comment.

I think the translation of poetry raises a mind-boggling question for all translators of differing cultural backgrounds and epochs: what do they look for in a poetic translation?

“Some seek scholarly fidelity, if that were ultimately possible, through "literal" translations combined with footnotes and elaborate discussion to bear out the untranslatable. Others want a new version of the truth, sung well in their own language, that may at times forfeit the intent and nuances of the original. Others want a compromise: a new poem in their own language that both captures the essence of the original and yet that does not take too many liberties in conveying the ideas.”

All translators have to grapple with this big question.
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Bottled poetry with sparkling joy.
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dundas[dundas]
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帖子发表于: 星期四 八月 21, 2008 9:16 am    发表主题: 引用并回复

Champagne 写到:


what do they look for in a poetic translation?

“Some seek scholarly fidelity, if that were ultimately possible, through "literal" translations combined with footnotes and elaborate discussion to bear out the untranslatable. Others want a new version of the truth, sung well in their own language, that may at times forfeit the intent and nuances of the original. Others want a compromise: a new poem in their own language that both captures the essence of the original and yet that does not take too many liberties in conveying the ideas.”



Yes, I concur!

Have you read Nineteen Ways of Looking at Wang Wei by Octavio Paz?
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Of skin and vein around the well
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Champagne[Champagne]
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(封疆大吏也!)
四品府丞<BR>(封疆大吏也!)


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帖子发表于: 星期五 八月 22, 2008 7:49 am    发表主题: 引用并回复

dundas 写到:


Have you read Nineteen Ways of Looking at Wang Wei by Octavio Paz?


I've read this book long time ago.

Some of translations of Wang Wei's Deer Fence, without the commentaries, can be found online at Wang Wei: Several Translations of One Poem.
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I'm Champagne,
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(官儿做大了,保持廉洁哦)
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来自: 多倫多

帖子发表于: 星期一 八月 25, 2008 1:15 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

I like Snyder's translation:

Deep Camp translated by Gary Snyder

Empty mountains:
ggno one to be seen.
Yet – hear –
ggHuman sounds and echoes.
ggReturning sunlight
ggEnters the dark woods;
Again shining
ggOn green moss, above.
_________________
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帖子发表于: 星期二 八月 26, 2008 2:42 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

浴恩福 写到:
I like Snyder's translation:

Deep Camp translated by Gary Snyder

Empty mountains:
ggno one to be seen.
Yet – hear –
ggHuman sounds and echoes.
ggReturning sunlight
ggEnters the dark woods;
Again shining
ggOn green moss, above.


Me, too. Liked Snyder's. Though different in structure, but it has a very good feel of it. Snyder is a famous Nature and deep Ecology poet.
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Champagne[Champagne]
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帖子发表于: 星期五 八月 29, 2008 4:16 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

Thank you all for your comments.

I've revised the title of my translation.
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I'm Champagne,
Bottled poetry with sparkling joy.
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帖子发表于: 星期三 九月 10, 2008 5:03 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

I wrote a thematic review of Nineteen Ways of Looking at Wang Wei: How a Chinese Poem is Translated Written by Eliot Weinberger and Octavio Paz, in which literary critic and translator Eliot Weinberger, with commentary from Nobel Prize Winner Mexican poet Octavio Paz, compares 19 translations of The Deer Enclosure.
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