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christine[christine] christine作品集 四品府丞 (封疆大吏也!)
注册时间: 2008-02-25 帖子: 304
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发表于: 星期二 七月 22, 2008 7:12 pm 发表主题: After great pain, a formal feeling comes(bilingual, revised) |
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After great pain, a formal feeling comes by Emily Dickinson
After great pain, a formal feeling comes--
The Nerves sit ceremonious, like Tombs--
The stiff Heart questions was it He, that bore,
And Yesterday, or Centuries before?
The Feet, mechanical, go round--
Of Ground, or Air, or Ought--
A Wooden way
Regardless grown,
A Quartz contentment, like a stone--
This is the Hour of Lead--
Remembered, if outlived,
As Freezing persons recollect the Snow--
First--Chill--then Stupor--then the letting go--
Chinese Translation
在巨痛之後,森漠的感覺隨之而來──
神經肅坐,像墳墓般──
緊綳的心質問──受苦的是他嗎?
是昨天,還是數世紀前?
機械般的雙脚,徘徊──
在地上,或空中,或義務般站立──
像木頭般僵直
不在意之感漸生,
一種晶寂的滿足,像個石頭──
這是沈重如铅的時刻──
如生還會記住,
如同僵凍的人回憶雪景──
先是寒冷──昏麻──然後撒手
最后进行编辑的是 christine on 星期五 八月 15, 2008 6:34 pm, 总计第 2 次编辑 |
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu] ericcoliu作品集 二品总督 (刚入二品,小心做人)
注册时间: 2007-05-29 帖子: 1393 来自: GTA, Canada
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发表于: 星期二 七月 22, 2008 10:37 pm 发表主题: Re: After great pain, a formal feeling comes (bilingual) |
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christine 写到: |
The Feet, mechanical, go round--
Of Ground, or Air, or Ought--
A Wooden way
Regardless grown,
A Quartz contentment, like a stone--
機械般的雙脚,徘徊──
在地上,或空中,或虛無──
像木頭般僵直
不在意之感漸生,
一種晶寂的滿足,像個石頭──
這是沈重如铅的時刻──
如生還會記住,
如同僵凍的人回憶雪景──
先是寒冷──昏麻──然後隨它而去 |
"Ought" may stand for obligations, that is, all the things we ought to do.
I think "義務般站立" would be a better translation. _________________ Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul |
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非马[FAFAFA] 非马作品集 二品总督 (刚入二品,小心做人)
注册时间: 2005-10-15 帖子: 1053
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发表于: 星期三 七月 23, 2008 8:39 am 发表主题: |
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First--Chill--then Stupor--then the letting go--
先是寒冷──昏麻──然後隨它而去
最后一行的 letting go 也许译成"撒手"或"放手"较好。“随它而去”可能会被误以为同它一起走了,而不是被冻僵在原处。
First--Chill--then Stupor--then the letting go--
先是寒冷──昏麻──然後撒手── |
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温暖的水獸[温暖的水獸] 温暖的水獸作品集 五品知州 (再努力一把就是四品大员了!)
注册时间: 2008-04-23 帖子: 153 来自: 水族箱
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发表于: 星期四 七月 24, 2008 12:04 pm 发表主题: |
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非马 写到: | First--Chill--then Stupor--then the letting go--
先是寒冷──昏麻──然後隨它而去
最后一行的 letting go 也许译成"撒手"或"放手"较好。“随它而去”可能会被误以为同它一起走了,而不是被冻僵在原处。
First--Chill--then Stupor--then the letting go--
先是寒冷──昏麻──然後撒手── |
Yes. A good suggestion. _________________ 舌頭那匹温暖的水獸 馴養地在小小的水族箱中 蠕動
那獸說:是的 我願意 |
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温暖的水獸[温暖的水獸] 温暖的水獸作品集 五品知州 (再努力一把就是四品大员了!)
注册时间: 2008-04-23 帖子: 153 来自: 水族箱
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发表于: 星期四 七月 24, 2008 12:05 pm 发表主题: Re: After great pain, a formal feeling comes (bilingual) |
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ericcoliu 写到: |
"Ought" may stand for obligations, that is, all the things we ought to do.
I think "義務般站立" would be a better translation. |
"Ought" may be understood as "naught," which means nonexistence or nothingness. _________________ 舌頭那匹温暖的水獸 馴養地在小小的水族箱中 蠕動
那獸說:是的 我願意 |
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christine[christine] christine作品集 四品府丞 (封疆大吏也!)
注册时间: 2008-02-25 帖子: 304
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发表于: 星期六 七月 26, 2008 12:30 pm 发表主题: |
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非马 写到: |
最后一行的 letting go 也许译成"撒手"或"放手"较好。“随它而去”可能会被误以为同它一起走了,而不是被冻僵在原处。
First--Chill--then Stupor--then the letting go--
先是寒冷──昏麻──然後撒手── |
Yes, thank you so much for your insightful suggestion. I'll revise it later. |
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christine[christine] christine作品集 四品府丞 (封疆大吏也!)
注册时间: 2008-02-25 帖子: 304
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发表于: 星期六 七月 26, 2008 12:32 pm 发表主题: Re: After great pain, a formal feeling comes (bilingual) |
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温暖的水獸 写到: |
ericcoliu 写到: |
"Ought" may stand for obligations, that is, all the things we ought to do.
I think "義務般站立" would be a better translation. |
"Ought" may be understood as "naught," which means nonexistence or nothingness. |
Thanks for your comments.
I will think about your suggestions. Maybe the key to the right translation of this touchy word lies in the understanding of the context in which it is situated. |
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu] ericcoliu作品集 二品总督 (刚入二品,小心做人)
注册时间: 2007-05-29 帖子: 1393 来自: GTA, Canada
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发表于: 星期六 七月 26, 2008 4:53 pm 发表主题: Re: After great pain, a formal feeling comes (bilingual) |
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christine 写到: |
Thanks for your comments.
I will think about your suggestions. Maybe the key to the right translation of this touchy word lies in the understanding of the context in which it is situated. |
Yes, I agree with you completely.
In stanza two, the feet symbolizes going about daily routines. The speaker does this in a ‘mechanical” and a “wooden” way, just going through the motions of life and not really feeling what she is doing. Therefore, I think “ought” read as “obligations” would be better in the context in which it is situated. _________________ Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul |
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Lake[Lake] Lake作品集 二品总督 (刚入二品,小心做人)
注册时间: 2006-10-10 帖子: 1341 来自: Sky Blue Water
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发表于: 星期六 七月 26, 2008 8:14 pm 发表主题: Re: After great pain, a formal feeling comes (bilingual) |
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第一次见到这种表达。 “森漠” 是种什么感觉?阴森、冰冷、漠然? |
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christine[christine] christine作品集 四品府丞 (封疆大吏也!)
注册时间: 2008-02-25 帖子: 304
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发表于: 星期二 七月 29, 2008 6:59 pm 发表主题: Re: After great pain, a formal feeling comes (bilingual) |
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Lake 写到: |
第一次见到这种表达。 “森漠” 是种什么感觉?阴森、冰冷、漠然? |
Its meaning is more close to 漠然.
Any suggestion about how to translate "a formal feeling?" |
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dundas[dundas] dundas作品集 五品知州 (再努力一把就是四品大员了!)
注册时间: 2008-02-23 帖子: 214
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发表于: 星期二 八月 05, 2008 12:40 pm 发表主题: Re: After great pain, a formal feeling comes (bilingual) |
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christine 写到: |
After great pain, a formal feeling comes by Emily Dickinson
After great pain, a formal feeling comes--
First--Chill--then Stupor--then the letting go--
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It’s a well-crafted poem which traces the numbness experienced after some terrible event(s).
In my view, Dickinson is truly a master poet of human sorrow. _________________ My throat knew thirst before the structure
Of skin and vein around the well |
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christine[christine] christine作品集 四品府丞 (封疆大吏也!)
注册时间: 2008-02-25 帖子: 304
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发表于: 星期五 八月 08, 2008 10:18 am 发表主题: Re: After great pain, a formal feeling comes (bilingual) |
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dundas 写到: |
It’s a well-crafted poem which traces the numbness experienced after some terrible event(s).
In my view, Dickinson is truly a master poet of human sorrow. |
Dickinson brilliantly recreates the experienced numbness.
This poem has no speaker; hence, the sufferer is dehumanized and treated as an object. |
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu] ericcoliu作品集 二品总督 (刚入二品,小心做人)
注册时间: 2007-05-29 帖子: 1393 来自: GTA, Canada
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发表于: 星期六 八月 09, 2008 6:30 pm 发表主题: Re: After great pain, a formal feeling comes (bilingual) |
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christine 写到: |
Dickinson brilliantly recreates the experienced numbness.
This poem has no speaker; hence, the sufferer is dehumanized and treated as an object. |
Yes.
Although I personally view this poem as a confessional poem, strictly speaking, Dickinson does not describe the gender of the sufferer portrayed in the poem; moreover, she portrays the sufferer in terms of body parts – nerves, heart, and feet. She skillfully uses the technique of depersonalization for showing the experienced numbness – emotional deadness. _________________ Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul |
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livetodream[FFFFFF] livetodream作品集 七品按察司 (我开始管这里的事儿了)
注册时间: 2008-02-05 帖子: 96
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发表于: 星期二 八月 12, 2008 7:30 am 发表主题: |
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学习以上的讨论。
赞成非马的建议。 |
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christine[christine] christine作品集 四品府丞 (封疆大吏也!)
注册时间: 2008-02-25 帖子: 304
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发表于: 星期五 八月 15, 2008 6:35 pm 发表主题: |
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Thanks for sharing your thought.
I've revised my translation. |
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