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Lake[Lake]
Lake作品集
二品总督
（刚入二品，小心做人）
注册时间: 2006-10-10
帖子: 1341
来自: Sky Blue Water
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 发表于: 星期四 三月 27, 2008 11:45 pm 发表主题: Early Spring (3) |
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Early Spring
the grass pushes
through the melting snow
as cool breeze blows
listening to the singing birds
I miss your spring verse
Snow
white, white again
a sky of powders sprinkles
on the black soil
a gush of hot spring water
suddenly bursting out
Easter Day
fresh wind flirts
this long-awaited sun
my legs race
along a gurgling creek
leaving winter behind
Learn to write tanka. 
最后进行编辑的是 Lake on 星期五 三月 28, 2008 11:53 am, 总计第 1 次编辑 |
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anna[星子安娜]
anna作品集
Site Admin
注册时间: 2004-05-02
帖子: 7141
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| 发表于: 星期五 三月 28, 2008 8:42 am 发表主题: |
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fresh and lovely.
a gush of emotion
bursting out
I wonder if emotion could be changed to another word. ?
_________________
---------------------
Anna Yin
《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...
http://annapoetry.com |
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Lake[Lake]
Lake作品集
二品总督
（刚入二品，小心做人）
注册时间: 2006-10-10
帖子: 1341
来自: Sky Blue Water
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| 发表于: 星期五 三月 28, 2008 11:50 am 发表主题: |
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Good point, anna. I thought about it when writing the poem. I'll go and make some change, see if it gets better.
Thanks, |
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dundas[dundas]
dundas作品集
五品知州
（再努力一把就是四品大员了！）
注册时间: 2008-02-23
帖子: 214
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| 发表于: 星期日 三月 30, 2008 12:22 pm 发表主题: Re: Early Spring (3) |
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| Lake 写到: |
Early Spring
the grass pushes
through the melting snow
as cool breeze blows
listening to the singing birds
I miss your spring verse
|
Me too.
Under the snow, long-waited signs of early spring.
_________________
My throat knew thirst before the structure
Of skin and vein around the well |
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu]
ericcoliu作品集
二品总督
（刚入二品，小心做人）
注册时间: 2007-05-29
帖子: 1393
来自: GTA, Canada
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| 发表于: 星期一 三月 31, 2008 8:55 am 发表主题: Re: Early Spring (3) |
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| Lake 写到: |
Early Spring
the grass pushes
through the melting snow
as cool breeze blows
listening to the singing birds
I miss your spring verse
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I like this tanka.
Soil begins to thaw. The eye craves green.
A year’s growth dead, green pushes through,
again-- all we know, all we need.
_________________
Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul |
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Lake[Lake]
Lake作品集
二品总督
（刚入二品，小心做人）
注册时间: 2006-10-10
帖子: 1341
来自: Sky Blue Water
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| 发表于: 星期一 三月 31, 2008 3:17 pm 发表主题: |
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Thanks dundas and eric for your poetic response.
It is snowing here again. The snow flakes are as large as daisies! |
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christine[christine]
christine作品集
四品府丞
（封疆大吏也！）
注册时间: 2008-02-25
帖子: 304
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| 发表于: 星期三 四月 02, 2008 7:44 pm 发表主题: Re: Early Spring (3) |
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| Lake 写到: |
Snow [/b]
white, white again
a sky of powders sprinkles
on the black soil
a gush of hot spring water
suddenly bursting out
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Interesting image and contrast. |
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