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redshoe[redshoe]
redshoe作品集
九品县令
（一不小心，做了官儿了。）
注册时间: 2008-02-13
帖子: 28
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 发表于: 星期三 二月 13, 2008 2:14 pm 发表主题: Beloved Hands |
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Beloved Hands
I love these tender hands
which caress me but never grasp me
hands
which hold me but never capture me
These are beloved hands
which embrace me but never strangle me
hands
which help me but never master me.
_________________
I am a butterfly drunk with life.
最后进行编辑的是 redshoe on 星期四 二月 28, 2008 7:52 pm, 总计第 2 次编辑 |
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fanfan[FFFFFF]
fanfan作品集
四品府丞
（封疆大吏也！）
注册时间: 2007-12-27
帖子: 353
来自: Canada
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| 发表于: 星期三 二月 13, 2008 3:44 pm 发表主题: |
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My Beloved's Hands is sexy and tender.
These are my beloved's hands
which touch me but never slap me.
Touch me tender,
Touch me sweet,
Never let me go.
You have made my life complete,
And I love you so.
_________________
Don't imitate me;
it's as boring
as the two halves of a melon.
最后进行编辑的是 fanfan on 星期三 二月 13, 2008 9:51 pm, 总计第 1 次编辑 |
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu]
ericcoliu作品集
二品总督
（刚入二品，小心做人）
注册时间: 2007-05-29
帖子: 1393
来自: GTA, Canada
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| 发表于: 星期三 二月 13, 2008 4:24 pm 发表主题: Re: My Beloved's Hands |
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| redshoe 写到: | My Beloved's Hands
I love your tender hands
These are my beloved's hands
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In my view, it would be better to replace "you' in line 1 with "these," which refer to my beloved's hands in line 5.
_________________
Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul |
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redshoe[redshoe]
redshoe作品集
九品县令
（一不小心，做了官儿了。）
注册时间: 2008-02-13
帖子: 28
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| 发表于: 星期三 二月 13, 2008 6:05 pm 发表主题: |
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| fanfan 写到: |
Touch me tender,
Touch me sweet,
Never let me go.
You have made my life complete,
And I love you so.
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Elvis Presley Fan.
Love me tender,
LOve me long,
Take me to your heart.
For it's there that I belong,
And well never part.
_________________
I am a butterfly drunk with life. |
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redshoe[redshoe]
redshoe作品集
九品县令
（一不小心，做了官儿了。）
注册时间: 2008-02-13
帖子: 28
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| 发表于: 星期三 二月 13, 2008 6:08 pm 发表主题: Re: My Beloved's Hands |
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| ericcoliu 写到: |
In my view, it would be better to replace "you' in line 1 with "these," which refer to my beloved's hands in line 5.
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Yes. Many thanks.
These are yours.
_________________
I am a butterfly drunk with life. |
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hahaview[hahaview]
hahaview作品集
六品通判
（官儿做大了，保持廉洁哦）
注册时间: 2008-02-07
帖子: 103
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| 发表于: 星期四 二月 14, 2008 10:29 am 发表主题: Re: My Beloved's Hands |
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| redshoe 写到: |
My Beloved's Hands
I love these tender hands
which caress me but never grasp me
hands
which hold me but never capture me
These are my beloved's hands
which embrace me but never strangle me
hands
which help me but never master me. |
My Beloved's Hands let me master without mastering me.
Love can be driven out of the heart by the touch of a hand.
_________________
I came, I saw, and I conquered |
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Lake[Lake]
Lake作品集
二品总督
（刚入二品，小心做人）
注册时间: 2006-10-10
帖子: 1341
来自: Sky Blue Water
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| 发表于: 星期四 二月 14, 2008 4:20 pm 发表主题: |
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My Beloved's Hands
It maybe ok to say it like this, but when you speak it, I find it awkward in the mouth. Let's see what other people think.
The poem itself is a clear, easy read.
Happy holidays. |
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redshoe[redshoe]
redshoe作品集
九品县令
（一不小心，做了官儿了。）
注册时间: 2008-02-13
帖子: 28
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| 发表于: 星期六 二月 16, 2008 1:44 pm 发表主题: |
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| Lake 写到: |
My Beloved's Hands
It maybe ok to say it like this, but when you speak it, I find it awkward in the mouth.
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Thanks for reading and commenting
Yes, your point is well taken.
Any suggestion for revising my piece?
Your help would be much appreciated.
_________________
I am a butterfly drunk with life. |
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redshoe[redshoe]
redshoe作品集
九品县令
（一不小心，做了官儿了。）
注册时间: 2008-02-13
帖子: 28
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| 发表于: 星期四 二月 28, 2008 7:53 pm 发表主题: |
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I took Lake's advice and revised my piece.
_________________
I am a butterfly drunk with life. |
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