酷我-北美枫

星子 · 酷我！I made it！ 注册时间: 2004-06-05 帖子: 13192 来自: Toronto

1.《那一天，我们相遇》
你是否对我有过暗示？
我敏锐的触角，时刻警惕着。
风，滑落一页日历
关于羊年的墒情，逐一洇开。
我写还未来临的那一天，
写我日日凝视的北方：辽远、空旷。
那一天，我们的确不曾相遇。

2.《阳光花吻上面庞的时刻》
无论我拒绝还是拥抱
春天还是来了
站立或行走，或偶尔停留
我像一滴懂得疼痛的水
躲闪着欲说还休，先是跌落再是飞升
我们的手心，握紧文字
我们面前，铺展的白纸：锋利如刀
这是将要盛开花朵的三月，阳光花吻上面庞

14.《从来都不曾绝望过》
说笑，阳光一样的音色朗朗
游戏，仿佛少年
我不能说出实质意义上的忧伤与寂寥
那些年，我不停的播种、插秧
果实和花朵就要占据空旷
回声、回声，我唤你、山也唤你、水也唤你
我终于从老迈回到少年
你若是老去，我必须年轻。这是单选
从来，从来都不曾绝望，即使面临深渊

1)The day we met

I wonder if you had signaled to me.
Each moment, my keen antenna raises its guard.
Wind glides a page of calendar away,
the feeling of the Goat-year drifts around.
I spell a day that has not come yet,
I write the North that I gaze every day:
void, distant.
I am certain that day we never met .

2)the moment sunlight kisses my face

No matter what I decline or embrace,
Spring still follows.
Standing up, or going for a walk,
or even pausing a few minutes,
I feel like a drop of water, understanding the pain,
forcing myself not to speak,
my heart dropping down then going up.
We clench words in palms of our hands.
On unfolded white paper,
they are sharp knives.
This is in March when blossoms begin
and sunlight kisses my face.

14)I have never despaired

I talk and laugh,
like sunlight
shining and bright.
But those are games of my youth
I can not detect the sorrow and loneliness
in its actual meanings.
Those years, I seeded, planted without stopping.
Fruits and blossoms almost took over the emptiness.
But echoes, echoes
that I called you, mountains called you
and rivers too,
echo…
In the end I return to my youth.
I must be young even if you turn old and forget.
This is the only option--
never, never despair
even if facing an abyss.
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Lake

星子好勤奋，好高效率啊。

读了，粗粗的有几点看法，不知有没有用。仅供参考。

1.《那一天，我们相遇》
你是否对我有过暗示？
我敏锐的触角，时刻警惕着。
风，滑落一页日历
关于羊年的墒情，逐一洇开。
我写还未来临的那一天，
写我日日凝视的北方：辽远、空旷。
那一天，我们的确不曾相遇。

1)The day we met

I wonder if you had signaled to me.
Each moment, my keen antenna raise its guard.
Wind glides a page of calendar away, （"glide", not sure if we can say like that.)
the feeling of the Goat-year drifts around. （"墒情", 查了一下字典，意思是：土壤湿度是否适于耕种的情况；“洇”，液体在纸、布及土壤中向四外散开或渗透。）
I write a day that has not come yet,
I write the North that I watch every day: （“凝视“用watch 好像不大准确。）
Emptiness, distance. （我理解，“空旷“，不是 Emptiness (空虚）。（诗14也有同样的问题。）个人觉得这里两个词语用形容词比较好。）
I am certain we never met that day.

anna · Site Admin 注册时间: 2004-05-02 帖子: 7141

谢谢LAKE.

我加了几句,减了几句,,,以便理解和翻译.

锋利如刀: 我以为是指 WORD.

你若是老去，我必须年轻 ---为什么呢, 我没有直译,因为别人难以理解,,,,所以按我的理解翻译...我喜欢简的诗歌,我觉得就象自己的,,,所以大胆翻译...
我以为: 你若是老去，我必须年轻 ---是指当你老去,我不能,因为我不要忘记这些....

WATCH 一词是应该用更准确的,,,gaze

Emptiness 不一定是 (空虚)

the feeling of the Goat-year drifts around. （"墒情", 查了一下字典，意思是：土壤湿度是否适于耕种的情况；“洇”，液体在纸、布及土壤中向四外散开或渗透。）

This line really is not clear...(I agree) ^ ^

BTW 阳光花 I didn't translate as 阳光花 but sunlight.

my heart like the elevator, 原文中没有。 I read again, yes I can drop it.
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Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

anna · Site Admin 注册时间: 2004-05-02 帖子: 7141

Comments from Penshell...

This is lovely beyond lovely. Its simplicity stands out
and was the first thing I noticed. I only suggest one thing
which of course, is entirely up to you but I think the poem
is done so well you don't need these last lines. The reason
I say that is the poem breathes hope and I believe the reader
can get that without being told the moral at the end.

Thanks for a wonderful read.

Quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This is the only option--
never, never despair
even if facing an abyss.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

戴玨

暫時只看了第一首。

anna · Site Admin 注册时间: 2004-05-02 帖子: 7141

那就还是用 WRITE...

Thanks Edgar!
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Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

高梁 · 发表于: 星期四五月 10, 2007 8:32 pm 发表主题:

星子你好，我现在是简，用高梁的名字给你回复，早上高梁让我去看他的站内信，说星子翻译简诗歌的事情，问我是不是一直不知道，因不懂英语这块版面从没开过。看见你的翻译，和朋友们的回帖，眼睛湿润。“你若是老去，我必须年轻 ---为什么呢, 我没有直译,因为别人难以理解,,,,所以按我的理解翻译...我喜欢简的诗歌,我觉得就象自己的,,,所以大胆翻译...
我以为: 你若是老去，我必须年轻 ---是指当你老去,我不能,因为我不要忘记这些.... ”这些话简不会忘记。我亦当星子是另一个自己，有机会当拥抱一下。简在祖国的北方小城北戴河想念星子。
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我知道尘土的含义我只要内在的洁白

星子 · 发表于: 星期四五月 10, 2007 9:28 pm 发表主题:

谢谢简...哈哈,,千万别抱我...

记得第一次去教堂,被老外拥抱,象被刺猬扎了一下...

^ ^...有时,自己的确不善表达,,,还好有诗歌世界可以发现自己. ^^
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简简柔风 · 发表于: 星期四五月 10, 2007 11:10 pm 发表主题:

Lake · 发表于: 星期一五月 14, 2007 11:57 am 发表主题:

my keen antenna raise its guard

raises? third person singular.

星子 · 发表于: 星期一五月 14, 2007 12:02 pm 发表主题:

THANKS Lake, You always have keen eyes.

^ ^

谢谢简, 哈哈,,,我叫我老公牛牛,,,,因为他牛脾气....你爱人叫你小刺猬,好玩. (^^)
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