酷我-北美枫

星子 · 发表于: 星期六十一月 05, 2005 11:17 am 发表主题: Lake Louise

Pretty, pretty Louise
lies down in quiet and peace,
surrounded by Mountain Mother, Elizabeth,
who wears her snowy hat.

Each summer, shedding her cold, pale tears,
Elizabeth misses her princess beneath.
Streams trickle down into Louise's heart,
a green mirror reflects the white lonely hat.

Within timeless reminiscences,
who could collect shining
stars to mound
above her and the hat?
I only see twinkles,
twinkles gleaming--
in her blue soft face.

Blue Ice · 发表于: 星期日十一月 06, 2005 12:45 am 发表主题:

IT IS SO SAD

星子 · 发表于: 星期三三月 21, 2007 9:13 pm 发表主题:

今天听了
一曲
Sweet sorrow....

再想起改改这首....
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Lake · 发表于: 星期四三月 22, 2007 9:42 am 发表主题: Re: Lake Louise

Reads like a song to me.

星子 · 发表于: 星期四三月 22, 2007 10:13 am 发表主题:

Thanks Lake.

Yes. True.

You know sometimes I don't read poems ... ^ ^
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Lake · 发表于: 星期四三月 22, 2007 12:33 pm 发表主题:

I am infamous for trivial stuffs.

职业病，没治啦。

But I will stop if I feel I am becoming annoyous.

星子 · 发表于: 星期四三月 22, 2007 2:43 pm 发表主题:

You are always welcomed to point the error out.

You should know whenever I have nothing, still I have courage to admit mistakes and to try things.
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非马 · 发表于: 星期日三月 25, 2007 9:37 am 发表主题:

Lake: it is the trivial things that make or break a poem.

星子：两个小建议，不一定正确，只是我个人的感觉：
"who wears her snowy hat"--“wearing her snowy hat"
"in her blue sorrow face." --"in her blue sorrowful eyes."

Within timeless reminiscences,
who could collect shining
stars to mound
above her and the hat?

the above lines somehow do not read well. Might need some more work.

星子 · 发表于: 星期日三月 25, 2007 9:58 am 发表主题:

Lake · 发表于: 星期日三月 25, 2007 12:53 pm 发表主题:

anna · Site Admin 注册时间: 2004-05-02 帖子: 7141

作为学习英文和改进....语法和细节当然重要....

但是我们也可看到很多中文诗歌语法和细节也有很多偏差...可是并不影响人们的理解或者诗作的原意.

所以我在和西方诗人探讨改进和提高英文的同时,她们却看到诗歌本质和形象的美...也鼓励我不要因此而放弃或否认创作本身.
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Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

Lake · 发表于: 星期日三月 25, 2007 1:41 pm 发表主题:

非马 · 发表于: 星期三三月 28, 2007 9:00 am 发表主题:

星子 · 发表于: 星期三三月 28, 2007 9:30 am 发表主题:

戴玨 · 发表于: 星期三三月 28, 2007 11:38 am 发表主题: