酷我-北美枫

[朱新魁]

Dwelling in the Mountains


Opening the window, I watch a man walking by
Down the path vanishing in the mountains green
Closing the window, I chew slowly the tea leaves
And then lie in bed, dreaming
Having chosen a carefree life
How free I feel
The fragrance of strawberries wafts
In the room, and the cicada-like song
Of an old man who sells Tofu
I will not go any further
Strolling back from the fields full of soybeans at night
Cloaked in dewdrops and moonlight
I push open the door






In the hands of the Fog


All things on earth are children
in the hands of the fog
that gives them tender care
Walking in the enfolding mist
I wonder where people, trees
and mountains are
This early morning, the crowing of cocks
the barking of dogs, the sound of tractors
from the village, and I myself
all cupped and warmed in its hands

Amidst the hazy clouds
I whistle aloud
and echoed by the chirping
of sparrows from bamboo groves

[[FAFAFA]]

Dwelling in the Mountains


Opening the window, I watch a man walking by
Down the path vanishing in the mountains green
Closing the window, I chew slowly the tea leaves
And then lie in bed, dreaming
Having chosen a carefree life
How free I feel
The fragrance of strawberries wafts
In the room, and the cicada-like song
Of an old man who sells Tofu
I will not go any further
Strolling back from the fields full of soybeans at night
Cloaked in dewdrops and moonlight
I push open the door






In the hands of the Fog


All things on earth are children
in the hands of the fog
that gives them tender care
Walking in the enfolding mist
I wonder where people, trees
and mountains are
This early morning, the crowing of cocks
the barking of dogs, the sound of tractors
from the village, and I myself
all cupped and warmed in its hands

Amidst the hazy clouds
I whistle aloud
and echoed by the chirping
of sparrows from bamboo groves

[Lake]

谢谢朱新魁允许我练笔！

翻译的匆忙，还需多打磨。有些地方还应斟酌。

“And then lie in bed, ” “lay in bed" 是否更好？

“Having chosen a carefree life /How free I feel ” 两个 free 在一起，觉得重复了。 free 用 fresh or new 代替如何？

第二首，第一句 首译为 Nature is a child in the hands of the fog .后来觉得 nature 和 fog 之间的关系译成这样逻辑上有些问题，所以就改为现在的译法。

个人感觉，朱新魁的这几首诗，清新、明朗，田园诗味浓。

认为如果诗人能自译，最好。至少知道自己讲的是什么，还可随意发挥一下。我很少翻译别人的作品，生怕失了原味，掉了原文的档次。所以翻译时，尽量忠实原文，这样难免会产生一些顾虑，有了羁绊。 曾译过几首 Haiku ，让博奕和 Kokho 给上了一堂生动的课 ...... 大开眼界，发现译法原来如此之多啊。

请大家多提意见。

[[Lake]]

谢谢朱新魁允许我练笔！

翻译的匆忙，还需多打磨。有些地方还应斟酌。

“And then lie in bed, ” “lay in bed" 是否更好？

“Having chosen a carefree life /How free I feel ” 两个 free 在一起，觉得重复了。 free 用 fresh or new 代替如何？

第二首，第一句 首译为 Nature is a child in the hands of the fog .后来觉得 nature 和 fog 之间的关系译成这样逻辑上有些问题，所以就改为现在的译法。

个人感觉，朱新魁的这几首诗，清新、明朗，田园诗味浓。

认为如果诗人能自译，最好。至少知道自己讲的是什么，还可随意发挥一下。我很少翻译别人的作品，生怕失了原味，掉了原文的档次。所以翻译时，尽量忠实原文，这样难免会产生一些顾虑，有了羁绊。 曾译过几首 Haiku ，让博奕和 Kokho 给上了一堂生动的课 ...... 大开眼界，发现译法原来如此之多啊。

请大家多提意见。

[非马]

原作及译诗都清新可读。两个小意见提供参考：

And then lie in bed, dreaming
Having chosen a carefree life

dreaming 及having连在一起是否妥当？或者可把dreaming前面的“，”去掉，变成“And then lie in bed dreaming ”。

“Having chosen a carefree life /How free I feel ”我读时也觉得有点重复，用fresh也许比new更佳。

[[FAFAFA]]

原作及译诗都清新可读。两个小意见提供参考：

And then lie in bed, dreaming
Having chosen a carefree life

dreaming 及having连在一起是否妥当？或者可把dreaming前面的“，”去掉，变成“And then lie in bed dreaming ”。

“Having chosen a carefree life /How free I feel ”我读时也觉得有点重复，用fresh也许比new更佳。

[主持]

清新可读。

fresh比new更佳。

Also, please paste 原作 here to easy reading.
_________________
是非是，我非我。

敬请光临我在北美枫的博客飞云浦

也请关注我的新浪博客
http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1740799031

[[Bob]]

清新可读。

fresh比new更佳。

Also, please paste 原作 here to easy reading.
_________________
是非是，我非我。

敬请光临我在北美枫的博客飞云浦

也请关注我的新浪博客
http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1740799031

[戴玨]

[[Edgar]]

[Lake]

谢谢非马先生！提的两个意见非常到位，立刻改。

谢谢主持来读。听主持的，马上把原文贴上来。

[[Lake]]

谢谢非马先生！提的两个意见非常到位，立刻改。

谢谢主持来读。听主持的，马上把原文贴上来。

[Lake]

Dwelling in the Mountains(6)

Opening the window, I watch a man walking by
Down the path vanishing in the mountains green
Closing the window, I chew slowly the tea leaves
And then lie in bed dreaming
Having chosen an idle life
How fresh I feel
The fragrance of strawberries wafts
In the room, and the cicada-like song
Of an old man who sells Tofu
I will not go any further
Strolling back from the fields full of soybeans at night
Cloaked in dewdrops and moonlight
I push open the door


山居 之六

我打开窗子看走远的人
青山遮掩了他以及下山的路
我关上窗子慢慢咀嚼茶叶
然后躺在床上做梦。
选择了散漫的生活
我觉得自由。
房中飘荡着草莓的香
还有卖豆腐老汉的象秋蝉的歌声
我不会走得再远
夜晚从长满黄豆的田里踱回来
披着满身的露水和月光
推开家门


In the hands of the Fog

All things on earth are children
in the hands of the fog
that gives them tender care
Walking in the enfolding mist
I wonder where people, trees
and mountains are
This early morning, the crowing of cocks
the barking of dogs, the sound of tractors
from the village, and I myself
all cupped and warmed in its hands

Amidst the hazy clouds
I whistle aloud
and echoed by the chirping
of sparrows from bamboo groves


在雾的手中

在雾的手中
大自然是个孩子
雾温柔地呵护他们
我在雾的深处行走
人，树和山峦都去了哪里？
这清晨，村庄里的鸡声、狗声、拖拉机的声音
和我都被雾捧在手里
被雾温暖着

在雾中
我大声吹着口哨
竹林中的鸟儿
附和着我

[[Lake]]

Dwelling in the Mountains(6)

Opening the window, I watch a man walking by
Down the path vanishing in the mountains green
Closing the window, I chew slowly the tea leaves
And then lie in bed dreaming
Having chosen an idle life
How fresh I feel
The fragrance of strawberries wafts
In the room, and the cicada-like song
Of an old man who sells Tofu
I will not go any further
Strolling back from the fields full of soybeans at night
Cloaked in dewdrops and moonlight
I push open the door


山居 之六

我打开窗子看走远的人
青山遮掩了他以及下山的路
我关上窗子慢慢咀嚼茶叶
然后躺在床上做梦。
选择了散漫的生活
我觉得自由。
房中飘荡着草莓的香
还有卖豆腐老汉的象秋蝉的歌声
我不会走得再远
夜晚从长满黄豆的田里踱回来
披着满身的露水和月光
推开家门


In the hands of the Fog

All things on earth are children
in the hands of the fog
that gives them tender care
Walking in the enfolding mist
I wonder where people, trees
and mountains are
This early morning, the crowing of cocks
the barking of dogs, the sound of tractors
from the village, and I myself
all cupped and warmed in its hands

Amidst the hazy clouds
I whistle aloud
and echoed by the chirping
of sparrows from bamboo groves


在雾的手中

在雾的手中
大自然是个孩子
雾温柔地呵护他们
我在雾的深处行走
人，树和山峦都去了哪里？
这清晨，村庄里的鸡声、狗声、拖拉机的声音
和我都被雾捧在手里
被雾温暖着

在雾中
我大声吹着口哨
竹林中的鸟儿
附和着我

[Lake]

[[Lake]]

[anna]

I think carefree is good.

Nice try. both english and chinese... very smooth and peaceful
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[[星子安娜]]

I think carefree is good.

Nice try. both english and chinese... very smooth and peaceful
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[戴玨]

[[Edgar]]

[Lake]

Thanks for your opinion, anna!

[[Lake]]

Thanks for your opinion, anna!

[Lake]

[[Lake]]

[非马]

How about "an idle life"? I don't quite like "unbridled" or "unrestrained." They are both too long, and a bit too "restrained"， 不够散漫。

[[FAFAFA]]

How about "an idle life"? I don't quite like "unbridled" or "unrestrained." They are both too long, and a bit too "restrained"， 不够散漫。

[朱新魁]

感谢Lake！！

感谢到来的各位朋友！！

[[FFFFFF]]

感谢Lake！！

感谢到来的各位朋友！！

[戴玨]

[[Edgar]]