酷我-北美枫

星子 · 发表于: 星期四二月 22, 2007 5:33 pm 发表主题: Mother's Day Poem

If I could match your love
on this special Mother's day,
peace would follow the dove
while blossoms happily sway.

If I could spread your love,
on this joyful Mother's day,
angels would dance above
and children won't dismay.

Mother’s love will make us fly
and sing in a soft tune,
Mother’s love will make us try
to shine like the full moon.

But I hear my mother say:
God is ultimate Love.
Let us honor Jesus today,
Let us dwell in God,
receive unconditional love
and the kindest mercy.

Thus we all feel the power,
as today we embrace pure love,
sing this song of cheer:
Praise God’s might,
Treasure God's love.

.
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anna · Site Admin 注册时间: 2004-05-02 帖子: 7141

My son's piano teacher asked me for a poem for mother since she will host a special event for Mother's Day.

She wants her students to sing it before their mother.

So I wrote this, please feel free to comment.

Thanks.
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Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

不清 · 发表于: 星期四二月 22, 2007 11:12 pm 发表主题:

nice...

i don't like the "cool" moon...
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「四十二排浪，沒有一排是相似的」——不清

博客：
http://42waves.tumblr.com

anna · Site Admin 注册时间: 2004-05-02 帖子: 7141

Thanks Bu Qing...

yes. I am kind of using kids' thoughts...

not sure...

haha...change to full moon?
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Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

不清 · 发表于: 星期四二月 22, 2007 11:31 pm 发表主题:

maybe the problem wasn't the word "cool"

does

your love will make us try
to shine like the cool moon

sound better?

i am not sure! I feel if the word in front of moon has 2 syllables, it may flow better.....
_________________
「四十二排浪，沒有一排是相似的」——不清

博客：
http://42waves.tumblr.com

anna · Site Admin 注册时间: 2004-05-02 帖子: 7141

又加了点...因为是给教堂...
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Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

Lake · 发表于: 星期五二月 23, 2007 3:51 pm 发表主题:

anna, it is very nice of you writing a poem for children to sing to their mothers.

I always find it is not easy to write poems for special occasions for some of the words and ideas are repeated again and again; to make it worse some lines sound so much like those on the greeting cards. I am not talking about yours, though.

My two cents:

"in Mother's day" should be "on Mother's day"

"Mother's love will take us fly" does not sound right.
"make somebody do something" or
"let somebody do something" but not
take somebody do something

"Thus we all feel the dear", not quite sure what it means.

I am not going to comment on the second part since I am not a church-goer, however I feel the two parts are not related eventhough you used a line trying to connect the two "But I hear my mother say and pray: " . The first part sounds like a song to a mother, while the second a song to God or Jesus... Maybe it is just me.

I would ask my students to write their own to their mothers since they are different in the eye of their children.

anna · Site Admin 注册时间: 2004-05-02 帖子: 7141

Yes. I agree with you.

I am not sure of some lines.

I will make more changes. Thanks.
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Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

anna · Site Admin 注册时间: 2004-05-02 帖子: 7141

昨天母亲节去教堂听诗经班孩子们唱了这首歌.

不过简化了一些...很好听. 但因为儿子有篮球课,我们听完歌不久离开了...
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Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com