酷我-北美枫

含君 · 发表于: 星期二二月 06, 2007 8:27 pm 发表主题: [原创] Told Myself

My dream in my night.
Others can't understand.
My dream in black.
The white can't cover it.

At a noiseless night.
The moon be bright.
I climbed to a high brilding,
from there I stared at the sky.

The camera in my hand.
I took a photograph
of the scenes in black.

The time the moon be white.
I saw her smiling face,
and the black shade around her.

anna · Site Admin 注册时间: 2004-05-02 帖子: 7141

thanks for sharing...

注意标点符号的应用...

I guess you could use some tips, such as more specific, more vivid and details to polish the images...

be more unique and creative and less to use cliches..
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

kokho · 发表于: 星期一二月 12, 2007 1:02 pm 发表主题:

拜读　问好　；））

。。
_________________
乒乓、摄影、诗歌