酷我-北美枫

星子 · 发表于: 星期日一月 14, 2007 9:02 am 发表主题:

Between the thorns (cing)
by Bren

Pearled ice
splits a cow horn
cactus, spills milk into
the desert and plops a stick straight
angel.

Bren
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ljm001 · 发表于: 星期日一月 14, 2007 9:23 pm 发表主题:

Between the thorns

“荆棘丛中”似乎更符合汉语表达方式和意象。
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听坡上林涛低鸣，看崖下海浪拍岸

anna · Site Admin 注册时间: 2004-05-02 帖子: 7141

星子 · 发表于: 星期一一月 15, 2007 3:26 pm 发表主题:

revised: (Wonder if the subject change to "they" better or not?)

Between The Thorns

On the bed,
They lie like flatfish.

Outside,
stars grow old.

In the grey silence,
a white cocoon
casts itself on the river.

Between the thorns,
blackberries bleed
and remember
when they were fire
pulling the moth
to flames.
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Lake · 发表于: 星期一一月 15, 2007 4:21 pm 发表主题:

erotic poems, hummm, not easy to write ... Rolling Eyes

In this version,

星子 · 发表于: 星期一一月 15, 2007 5:39 pm 发表主题:

Thanks Lake....

led " the subject" is the fire... I know led is not good... good to have friends suggest to use "pull"...

flatfish,,,, I want to compare with the moth which flames its passion...

In fact...I agree it is a poem about passion dying away...
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Lake · 发表于: 星期二一月 16, 2007 2:07 pm 发表主题:

星子, thanks for explaining.

Embarassed

Oops, I didn’t read this poem closely enough, and I guess I was too engrossed with the image ‘flatfish’ you portrayed and tried to associate it with the E-theme you mentioned in your footnote (you know what I mean). So that’s how my comment came up. Now it is clear, a dying love, I suppose?

Another note:

Would you please kindly enough to explain to me what “异类” poem is, for I don’t want to use a term of which I am not sure in my post?

To my knowledge, the poem I copied here is a love poem that illustrates the importance of language in this category (love) of verse. As the poet says, “In this poem, I was hoping to be as erotic and arousing as possible without using any statements, or even any words, that are directly or exclusively sexual. I wanted, simultaneously, clarity and mystery…”

Admittedly, it is risky to write this type of poem, but I don’t think the E-word is inappropriate as I read on this forum many words used are much stronger and direct, but they stay where they are. However, if you still hold your opinion, I am willing to delete my whole post, but prefer not to have it altered for the reason mentioned above.

Cheers,

Smile

星子 · 发表于: 星期二一月 16, 2007 3:21 pm 发表主题:

Lake,

I intended to write a poem as I mentioned "E-word"... so it began " bed,,,, we lie..." but the emotion just goes to another way...

I want to imply the image of moon as the cocoon to hold up the passion inside, and again, lately I read anothe poem "Between The Thorns" and really liked the title, so I just wanted to implement it inside...

Life is like between the thorns and love too.

I would like the whole message connected, so the blackberry as fire to pull the moth (related to cocoon...) to flames... yet the cocoon now in grey silence.

The poem you posed is very good, it never use any body word, but it says a lot.

I like the skill to reuse the word inside... as trace, traced...

You know good E-word poem should omit to say any part of body, but implys a lot.
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Lake · 发表于: 星期三一月 17, 2007 2:49 pm 发表主题:

anna · Site Admin 注册时间: 2004-05-02 帖子: 7141

You are right... But when I wrote it, I seemed to see all the picture there...

I have written a few... this old one was published by quiltspoetry as the E-Word kind of poem...

http://www.coviews.com/viewtopic.php?t=4467
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Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com