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ljm001[星海]
ljm001作品集
五品知州
（再努力一把就是四品大员了！）
注册时间: 2006-01-15
帖子: 152
来自: 大连
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 发表于: 星期五 十二月 29, 2006 1:48 am 发表主题: Night and Day |
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Night and Day
A starry night often fills me with dreams,
But none like tonight that sparks a dream of you to me .
Twinkling as your eyes away from millions of miles,
I assume they are your last night's smiles.
When tonight you were in a dream of me,
Travelling so far a distance to enter my dream,
A day ahead of me sets me chase all the while,
Cherishing the star light deep at night.
Tomorrow when you are under the sun reading my dream ,
I will be in the moonlight writing another dream of thee.
Note: "Night and Day" at the same time refers to the fact that a nighttime in the North America is a daytime in China.
_________________
听坡上林涛低鸣，看崖下海浪拍岸
最后进行编辑的是 ljm001 on 星期六 十二月 30, 2006 12:13 am, 总计第 1 次编辑 |
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秋叶[我还没有昵称]
秋叶作品集
二品总督
（刚入二品，小心做人）
注册时间: 2004-05-20
帖子: 1633
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| 发表于: 星期五 十二月 29, 2006 2:33 am 发表主题: Re: Night and Day |
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| ljm001 写到: | Night and Day
A starry night often makes me filled with dreams,
But none like tonight that sparks a dream of you to me .
Twinkling as your eyes away from millions of miles,
I assume they are your last night's smiles.
When tonight you were in a dream of me,
Travelling so far a distance to enter my dream,
A day ahead of me sets me chase all the while,
Cherishing the star light deep at night.
Tomorrow when you are under the sun reading my dream ,
I will be in the moonlight writing another dream of thee. |
很美！ 是否有中文版？
A starry night often makes me fill with dreams 是否好些？供参考。 |
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星子[ANNA]
星子作品集
酷我！I made it！
注册时间: 2004-06-05
帖子: 13192
来自: Toronto
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| 发表于: 星期五 十二月 29, 2006 5:00 pm 发表主题: |
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Welcome back.
beautiful dream....
When tonight you were in a dream of me, (of mine or with me) ?
_________________
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ljm001[星海]
ljm001作品集
五品知州
（再努力一把就是四品大员了！）
注册时间: 2006-01-15
帖子: 152
来自: 大连
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| 发表于: 星期六 十二月 30, 2006 12:08 am 发表主题: Re: Night and Day |
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| 秋叶 写到: | | ljm001 写到: | Night and Day
A starry night often makes me filled with dreams,
。。。
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很美！ 是否有中文版？
A starry night often makes me fill with dreams 是否好些？供参考。 |
谢谢秋叶。有中文版，是后来根据大意重写的，因意境已迁。
filled with = be filled with
谢谢提醒，我将此句略作改动，希望表达得更清楚些：
A starry night often fills me with dreams
_________________
听坡上林涛低鸣，看崖下海浪拍岸 |
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ljm001[星海]
ljm001作品集
五品知州
（再努力一把就是四品大员了！）
注册时间: 2006-01-15
帖子: 152
来自: 大连
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| 发表于: 星期六 十二月 30, 2006 12:15 am 发表主题: |
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| 星子 写到: | Welcome back.
beautiful dream....
When tonight you were in a dream of me, (of mine or with me) ? |
Thank you, 星子。Long time no see you here.
Happy New Year to you!
a dream of me = dream (verb) of me or have a dream of / about me
like the famous song "Dream a Little Dream of Me".
_________________
听坡上林涛低鸣，看崖下海浪拍岸 |
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ljm001[星海]
ljm001作品集
五品知州
（再努力一把就是四品大员了！）
注册时间: 2006-01-15
帖子: 152
来自: 大连
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| 发表于: 星期六 十二月 30, 2006 12:24 am 发表主题: Re: Night and Day |
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[quote="秋叶"] | ljm001 写到: | Night and Day
。。。。。。。
很美！ 是否有中文版？
。。。。。。
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应秋叶之问，现将此英文诗的中文版附上。因是后作，意境稍有不同，且是古韵体，献丑了。顺便我也将其放进“古韵新音”栏目，邀请大家指导。
梦满日夜
星光满夜梦满心，
今夜有你别样亲。
闪亮如眸柔如箫，
应是昨夜伊人笑。
今夜遥梦牵妾魂，
长袖漫舞入君梦。
一夜长歌任妾吟，
万年星光驻君心。
妾读君梦谱朝霞，
君薰妾梦画月牙。
_________________
听坡上林涛低鸣，看崖下海浪拍岸 |
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Lake[Lake]
Lake作品集
二品总督
（刚入二品，小心做人）
注册时间: 2006-10-10
帖子: 1341
来自: Sky Blue Water
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| 发表于: 星期六 十二月 30, 2006 3:49 pm 发表主题: |
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Hello ljm001,
I have no problem with your original lines of
| 引用: | | A starry night often makes me filled with dreams |
and
| 引用: | | When tonight you were in a dream of me |
except the verb "were" in past tense.
My nitpick: the pronoun 'thee' (old English) at the end of the line is used simply for the rhyming purpose, while it doesn't agree with other pronouns (modern English) in this poem.
And there are a bit too many 'dreams', all together 'six dreams' in this ten line poem, that almost put me into dreams, too. 
Maybe it is just me . 
Thanks for sharing. |
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ljm001[星海]
ljm001作品集
五品知州
（再努力一把就是四品大员了！）
注册时间: 2006-01-15
帖子: 152
来自: 大连
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| 发表于: 星期日 十二月 31, 2006 1:03 am 发表主题: |
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| Lake 写到: | Hello ljm001,
I have no problem with your original lines of
| 引用: | | A starry night often makes me filled with dreams |
and
| 引用: | | When tonight you were in a dream of me |
except the verb "were" in past tense.
My nitpick: the pronoun 'thee' (old English) at the end of the line is used simply for the rhyming purpose, while it doesn't agree with other pronouns (modern English) in this poem.
And there are a bit too many 'dreams', all together 'six dreams' in this ten line poem, that almost put me into dreams, too.
Maybe it is just me .
Thanks for sharing. |
Thank you, Lake for your careful reading and evaluating.
1. "were" in "When tonight you were in a dream of me"
Thank you.
Yes, I made a mistake here. It should be "are" instead since "You" and "I" are doing the same thing at the same time.
2. "thee" is used here not only for the purpose of rhyming(it does give me a great help at the end of the poem), but also for the purpose of being tender to "the lady" in the poem -- trying to be a gentleman. Haha:).
One of the great Jazz lyrics writers, Ben Selvin, in the 1920s of last century used "thee" alone (regardless of other pronoun forms) in his famous songs "Of Thee I Sing":
Of thee I sing, baby,
Summer, Autumn, winter, spring, baby,
You're my silver lining,
You're my sky of blue;
There's a love light shining,
Just because of you.
Of thee I sing, baby,
You have got that certain thing, baby!
Shining star and inspiration
Worthy of a mighty nation
Of thee I sing.
2. "dream"
You are right and thanks for your particular attention to the poem.
While reading it aloud, you can feel the repitition of the same simple word "dream".
Sure it is a little annoying to some. I used the repitition to emphasize the fact that it is a dream and everything happens to and in that dream. And that's why the Chinese version of the poem is “梦满日夜”.
Again, thank you, Lake, for your comments. And I just came back from your poem. A very good one.
_________________
听坡上林涛低鸣，看崖下海浪拍岸 |
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Lake[Lake]
Lake作品集
二品总督
（刚入二品，小心做人）
注册时间: 2006-10-10
帖子: 1341
来自: Sky Blue Water
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| 发表于: 星期日 十二月 31, 2006 4:33 pm 发表主题: |
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Hi ljm001,
谢谢你的解析.
我也曾在一首诗的最后一行末用过'thee', 倒不是为了压韵，而是感到更有力，更抒情些（给一位老诗人）。写完后，读起来，总觉得别扭，不伦不类。最后，忍痛割爱，删除了。
I guess it is up to the writer's discretion.
Many thanks! |
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kokho[晓辉]
kokho作品集
三品按察使
（天，你是斑竹吧？）
注册时间: 2006-10-25
帖子: 792
来自: Singapore
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| 发表于: 星期一 一月 01, 2007 3:47 pm 发表主题: |
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拜读 问好 新年快乐 。。。
 
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乒乓、摄影、诗歌 |
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ljm001[星海]
ljm001作品集
五品知州
（再努力一把就是四品大员了！）
注册时间: 2006-01-15
帖子: 152
来自: 大连
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| 发表于: 星期三 一月 10, 2007 7:03 pm 发表主题: |
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| kokho 写到: | 拜读 问好 新年快乐 。。。
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Thank you, kokho.
Happy New Year.
_________________
听坡上林涛低鸣，看崖下海浪拍岸 |
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