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Lake[Lake] Lake作品集 二品总督 (刚入二品,小心做人)
注册时间: 2006-10-10 帖子: 1341 来自: Sky Blue Water
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发表于: 星期四 十一月 23, 2006 4:23 pm 发表主题: Khan's Mongolian Barbecue (标点符号的使用) |
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(值此年底,旧货清仓.
清出 descriptive, narrative, prosaic stuff, 再想办法进新货. )
Khan's Mongolian Barbecue
The night, freezing cold, dark as an abyss,
But the room, brightly warm, lively as spring.
No one ever wonders why
It is called Californian Barbecue
In Beijing, but Mongolian Barbecue
In this snowy Dinky Town.
A big iron wok sizzles and steams.
Three chefs in white coats and tall hats,
Waltz around, aprons soiled with spicy sauces,
Faces smeared with sweat, hands busy tossing
And stirring plates of food, so graceful
As if presenting a cooking show
To the customers who swallow saliva as they watch.
Beef, pork, turkey, chicken, lamb, shrimp, scallop,
Broccoli, cabbage, onion, bean sprouts, noodles
Dancing merrily with each other on this big iron stage
As conducted by the yard-long bamboo chopsticks.
Bang! A little boy beats the huge copper gong loud,
For a good luck, believed by many, then
Out of the corner of the chef's eye, a dollar bill
Slips into a tip jar, almost full by the end of the day.
The exotic music flows gently in the air,
As waitresses flutter between tables
Up and down stairs. All in pink shirts,
Black pants and white aprons, with smiles
Of Sunflowers, holding round trays on their
Shoulders with drinks, appetizers, desserts...
Loads, so disproportionate to their petite bodies.
"Sandy, smile! How can you make
Good tips with a long face!" warns the boss.
At a table, a reporter quietly enjoys his meal,
Free of charge, of course, for an article on Khan's
To be published in the local paper.
The boss as happy and proud as can be
Tells the reporter how healthy her food is,
How authentic the taste, how smart, knowledgeable
her staff-- all university students, some even
With master degrees, a few working on PhDs.
As the night cannot go any deeper in the darkness,
The wok cooled down, mountains of dishes washed,
Tips counted and shared, fingers numb and stiffened,
Smiles dropped, frozen and lights one by one turned off...
In a year or so, you will not see these young faces
Anymore, but as they dissolve themselves
On the other side of the Pacific,
This experience, either embarrassed
Or proud of, will never evaporate.
(等着批。 反正是不破不立。)
最后进行编辑的是 Lake on 星期三 十二月 13, 2006 1:59 pm, 总计第 6 次编辑 |
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星子[ANNA] 星子作品集 酷我!I made it!
注册时间: 2004-06-05 帖子: 13192 来自: Toronto
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发表于: 星期四 十一月 23, 2006 4:33 pm 发表主题: |
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哈哈....清仓了,,还这么多?
看来要打印来读!
累呀...哈哈 _________________
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Lake[Lake] Lake作品集 二品总督 (刚入二品,小心做人)
注册时间: 2006-10-10 帖子: 1341 来自: Sky Blue Water
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发表于: 星期四 十一月 23, 2006 4:55 pm 发表主题: |
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星子 写到: | 哈哈....清仓了,,还这么多?
看来要打印来读!
累呀...哈哈 |
哈哈,和我认识的那位希腊教授,诗人比,这算什么吗。
他一组诗下来,每一首都有这么长。
主要是看好不好看,不好看,再短都不想看;好看,就会追着看。
累就好,谁说的着?
压箱底。现在想想,既然来到世上,让她们见见阳光吧。
谢谢点击。 |
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kokho[晓辉] kokho作品集 三品按察使 (天,你是斑竹吧?)
注册时间: 2006-10-25 帖子: 792 来自: Singapore
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发表于: 星期五 十一月 24, 2006 2:10 am 发表主题: |
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Quite a patying experience
应该是散文诗吧 :))
。 _________________ 乒乓、摄影、诗歌 |
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Lake[Lake] Lake作品集 二品总督 (刚入二品,小心做人)
注册时间: 2006-10-10 帖子: 1341 来自: Sky Blue Water
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发表于: 星期五 十一月 24, 2006 7:16 am 发表主题: |
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kokho 写到: | Quite a patying experience
应该是散文诗吧 :))
。 |
Sigh... |
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博弈[Mark] 博弈作品集 二品总督 (刚入二品,小心做人)
注册时间: 2006-09-24 帖子: 1484 来自: San Francisco
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发表于: 星期六 十一月 25, 2006 12:35 pm 发表主题: |
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People are spoiled to read short poems, me too.
You have rich vocabulary; attend to details, what a writer must have, very good.
I did a quick proofreading, there could be more not noticed first round.
black as abyss, dark as an abyss?
A big iron work, wok? (I notice you use wok in another section)
And stiring plates of food, so graceful; stirring?
Bang! A little boy beats the huge copper gong lound; loud?
At a table, a reporter quietly enjoyes his meal; enjoys?
Ph.D.'s or PhDs (no space)
“This experience, either embarrassed
Or proud of, will never evaporate”
I think you mean
either embarrassing or proud
either embarrassed by or proud of _________________ Sometimes I am busy
Sometimes I am free
In between, there's it
Until I find thee... |
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Lake[Lake] Lake作品集 二品总督 (刚入二品,小心做人)
注册时间: 2006-10-10 帖子: 1341 来自: Sky Blue Water
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发表于: 星期日 十一月 26, 2006 12:02 am 发表主题: |
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博弈 写到: | People are spoiled to read short poems, me too.
You have rich vocabulary; attend to details, what a writer must have, very good.
I did a quick proofreading, there could be more not noticed first round.
black as abyss, dark as an abyss?
A big iron work, wok? (I notice you use wok in another section)
And stiring plates of food, so graceful; stirring?
Bang! A little boy beats the huge copper gong lound; loud?
At a table, a reporter quietly enjoyes his meal; enjoys?
Ph.D.'s or PhDs (no space)
“This experience, either embarrassed
Or proud of, will never evaporate”
I think you mean
either embarrassing or proud
either embarrassed by or proud of |
博弈,
Thank you very much for taking the time reading and proofreading.
The mistakes are too many, thus not acceptable!
I normally don't make these many mistakes, one reason is that Microsoft Word was not used; another is that I was in a rush to meet Friday's Thanksgiving Sale deadline.
"People are spoiled to read short poems, me too." Go read and write haiku.
The first item, your suggestion sounds more grammatically correct.
The last item, I was trying to say
This experience (that they are) either embarrased of or pround of
Does it make sense?
The rest of them are typos, shame on me.
Going to correct it right away.
Thank you also for your kind words, but in fact I have a tiny tiny tiny vocabulary and a poor poor poor memory.
I understand I don't have a poetic voice here, but I do hope readers can feel the undertone/understatement as shared by one of my English friends. Why he? I wonder.
Exhausted by this long weekend, I feel like going into hibernation for a while zzzzzzz
Good night. |
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老哈[老哈] 老哈作品集 八品县丞 (又一个不小心,升了!)
注册时间: 2006-02-27 帖子: 60 来自: NEVADA, USA
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发表于: 星期日 十一月 26, 2006 2:29 am 发表主题: |
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一个想法。英文的语法结构严谨,标点符号自成规矩,不管诗如何断句,标点符号应保持不变。这与中文有所不同。 _________________ 掠过天堂刹那间的感觉 |
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星子[ANNA] 星子作品集 酷我!I made it!
注册时间: 2004-06-05 帖子: 13192 来自: Toronto
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发表于: 星期一 十一月 27, 2006 4:04 pm 发表主题: |
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谢谢,楼上各位...我偷懒了.... _________________
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Lake[Lake] Lake作品集 二品总督 (刚入二品,小心做人)
注册时间: 2006-10-10 帖子: 1341 来自: Sky Blue Water
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发表于: 星期四 十一月 30, 2006 10:41 pm 发表主题: |
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老哈 写到: | 一个想法。英文的语法结构严谨,标点符号自成规矩,不管诗如何断句,标点符号应保持不变。这与中文有所不同。 |
谢谢老哈!
老哈定是位老师, 眼光犀利。
在诗行末不用标点,我是有意为之的。
我的想法是,如果一个 phrase or clause or sentence enjambs, 读者应继续读下去;
如果在诗行末结束,行末正好是个自然的停顿。所以,如不引起
理解困难,或需使用特殊的标点符号,行末的标点我就省去了,免去clumsy的感觉。
可能这在老师看来是个 eyesore.
我可以加几个进去,看看效果如何。
请问,中文可以随意吗?
再次感谢! |
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Lake[Lake] Lake作品集 二品总督 (刚入二品,小心做人)
注册时间: 2006-10-10 帖子: 1341 来自: Sky Blue Water
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发表于: 星期三 十二月 13, 2006 1:58 pm 发表主题: |
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老哈的话让我又重温了一遍诗歌中标点符号的使用。多谢!
I think right now the follwing rules suit me well:
The use of the comma: If, like here, the poem is more prosaic, I use it at times to fit the general image of prosaic verse and to ease the burden on the writer and provide the comma stops myself.
If the poem is more modern in form, then I leave whatever commas I can out, either by ending the lines appropriately or by using the comma-ed sections within the line and not at the end. Then the end of the line provides the comma stop needed but the reader has to do the work and recognize it.
. |
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星子[ANNA] 星子作品集 酷我!I made it!
注册时间: 2004-06-05 帖子: 13192 来自: Toronto
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发表于: 星期三 十二月 13, 2006 4:25 pm 发表主题: |
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学习... _________________
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