酷我-北美枫

柳青

They call me The Wild Rose
But my name was Elisa Day
Why they call me it I do not know
For my name was Elisa Day

From the first day I saw I knew she was the one
As she stared in my eyes and smiled
For her lips were the colour of the roses
That grew down the river , all boldly and wild

When he knocked on my door and entered the room
My trembling subsided in his sure embrace
He would be my first man ,and with a careful hand
He wiped at the tears that ran down my face

On the second day I brought her a flower
She was more beautiful than any woman I’d seen
I said ,”Do you know where the wild rose grow
So sweet and scarlet and free?”

On the second day he came with a single red rose
Said, ”will you give me your loss and your sorrow?”
I nodded my head ,as I lay on the bed
He said, “if I show you the roses will you follow ?”

On the third day he took me to the river
He showed me the roses and we kissed
And the last thing I heard was a muttered word
As he stood smiling above me with a rock in his fist

On the last day I took her where the wild roses grow
And she lay on the bank ,the wind light as a thief
As I kissed her goodbye ,I said “All beauty must die”
Lent down and planted a rose between her teth

Lake · 发表于: 星期一十一月 20, 2006 11:18 am 发表主题:

柳青,
I tried to apprehend your poem, but your use of personal pronouns is not consistant, thus very confusing for readers to understand. So my question after the read is Who's Who? Wink

Another love poem, sweet.

Cheers,
Lake

星子 · 发表于: 星期一十一月 20, 2006 12:03 pm 发表主题:

Welcome new friend...

Be careful when switch Her to His....

I am confused.
_________________

柳青 · 发表于: 星期二十一月 21, 2006 3:56 am 发表主题:

thanks 4 the comments!

kokho · 发表于: 星期二十一月 21, 2006 5:09 am 发表主题:

Why the good romance must end?

..
_________________
乒乓、摄影、诗歌

柳青 · 发表于: 星期二十一月 21, 2006 12:01 pm 发表主题:

Lake

Hi 柳青，

This is merely my personal opinion, feel free to take it or toss it away.

一次写作课上，老师指出我的一首诗中存在着人称代词混乱的现象，还借给我一本书看。从此，我对人称代词的使用比较敏感。下面就是我的疑问所在（who's who):

They call me The Wild Rose （第一人称，me--I take it as the girl.)
But my name was Elisa Day
Why they call me it I do not know
For my name was Elisa Day

From the first day I saw I knew she was the one（第一人称，I--the boy)
As she stared in my eyes and smiled
For her lips were the colour of the roses
That grew down the river , all boldly and wild

When he knocked on my door and entered the room(第一人称, my--the girl)
My trembling subsided in his sure embrace
He would be my first man ,and with a careful hand
He wiped at the tears that ran down my face

On the second day I brought her a flower (第一人称, I--the boy)
She was more beautiful than any woman I’d seen
I said ,”Do you know where the wild rose grow
So sweet and scarlet and free?”

On the second day he came with a single red rose (第一人称, I--the girl)
Said, ”will you give me your loss and your sorrow?”
I nodded my head ,as I lay on the bed
He said, “if I show you the roses will you follow ?”

On the third day he took me to the river (第一人称, me--the girl)
He showed me the roses and we kissed
And the last thing I heard was a muttered word
As he stood smiling above me with a rock in his fist

On the last day I took her where the wild roses grow (第一人称,I--the boy)
And she lay on the bank ,the wind light as a thief
As I kissed her goodbye ,I said “All beauty must die”
Lent down and planted a rose between her teth

You see what I mean?

共同学习。

柳青 · 发表于: 星期三十一月 22, 2006 7:21 am 发表主题:

谢谢指教

唉，是写得乱了

kokho · 发表于: 星期三十一月 22, 2006 1:17 pm 发表主题:

May be that was the intended play by the author Smile

)

..
_________________
乒乓、摄影、诗歌

Lake · 发表于: 星期三十一月 22, 2006 2:14 pm 发表主题: