酷我-北美枫

[Lake]

First Time You Saw Snow

----Snow fell, just in time for you
Not a big storm, nor light flurries
----plenty enough though

----Excited like a child, you threw
yourself into it. Arms, legs outstretched
----kicking, laughing wholeheartedly

----A cardinal stopped twittering
peering from trembling tree branches
----as if asking “Who are you?”

----I tried to pull you off the ground
but then, you escaped me, lying down
----to white yourself all up again

----On the top of a hill, we took pictures—
a lone pavilion, a snow cloaked pine, grey skies, and us—
----a solemn look, as serious as a severe winter

----(Many years later, when I looked at the picture
I had no idea why that look always reminded me
----of a hero before his execution)

----We measured our footprints in snow
I stepped into yours, and in my pocket slipped
----your hand searching for warmth

----We ran, we fell, we threw snowballs, we
rolled over and over again till we got tired
----and let ourselves lay side by side

----Now we have more than enough snow
birds in bush still sing their monotones, but winter
----becomes too long, even with snowfalls in April

--------------------Outside, a raven glides over the smooth snow
-----------------------------------------------------------with a lonely crow



请问，怎样 format? 从word 上 copy 上来全变样了。谢谢。
Again, crits appreciated.

.

[[Lake]]

First Time You Saw Snow

----Snow fell, just in time for you
Not a big storm, nor light flurries
----plenty enough though

----Excited like a child, you threw
yourself into it. Arms, legs outstretched
----kicking, laughing wholeheartedly

----A cardinal stopped twittering
peering from trembling tree branches
----as if asking “Who are you?”

----I tried to pull you off the ground
but then, you escaped me, lying down
----to white yourself all up again

----On the top of a hill, we took pictures—
a lone pavilion, a snow cloaked pine, grey skies, and us—
----a solemn look, as serious as a severe winter

----(Many years later, when I looked at the picture
I had no idea why that look always reminded me
----of a hero before his execution)

----We measured our footprints in snow
I stepped into yours, and in my pocket slipped
----your hand searching for warmth

----We ran, we fell, we threw snowballs, we
rolled over and over again till we got tired
----and let ourselves lay side by side

----Now we have more than enough snow
birds in bush still sing their monotones, but winter
----becomes too long, even with snowfalls in April

--------------------Outside, a raven glides over the smooth snow
-----------------------------------------------------------with a lonely crow



请问，怎样 format? 从word 上 copy 上来全变样了。谢谢。
Again, crits appreciated.

.

[星子]

Lake.

In my view, you have a good master of language, yet too much in details.

I like the poem which brings deep thoughts or unique imagination.
_________________

[[ANNA]]

Lake.

In my view, you have a good master of language, yet too much in details.

I like the poem which brings deep thoughts or unique imagination.
_________________

[南北客]

agree with 星子。

[[南北]]

agree with 星子。

[Lake]

[[Lake]]

[Lake]

[[Lake]]

[星子]

有时间慢慢和你探讨....

其实我不喜欢读RHYME诗歌....因为很多类似的原因...
_________________

[[ANNA]]

有时间慢慢和你探讨....

其实我不喜欢读RHYME诗歌....因为很多类似的原因...
_________________

[Lake]

[[Lake]]

[kokho]

Hi my friend this is very descriptive )
_________________
乒乓、摄影、诗歌

[[晓辉]]

Hi my friend this is very descriptive )
_________________
乒乓、摄影、诗歌

[Lake]

[[Lake]]

[kokho]

First Time You Saw Snow

Fluterring just in time
Tis all but a flurry,
the snow, the heart-beats, you and me.

Excited like a child, you threw
yourself into it. Arms, legs outstretched
kicking, laughing wholeheartedly.

A cardinal stopped twittering
peering from trembling tree branches
as if asking “Who are you?”

I tried to pull you off the snow
but then, you broke free, lying down
to white yourself all over again.

On the top of a hill, we took pictures—
a lone pavilion, a snow cloaked pine, grey skies, and us—
a solemn look, as serious as a severe winter.

(Many years later, I look at the picture and
I hadve no idea why that look always reminded me
of a hero before his execution or a snow flake plunges
into oblivion...)

We measured our footprints in snow
I stepped into yours, and in my pocket was
your hand searching for warmth.

We ran, we fell, we threw snowballs, we
rolled over and over again till we are expended
and laid side by side

Now we have more than enough of snow,
birds in bush still sing their monotones, but winter
becomes over bearing, even with snowfalls in April

Outside, a raven glides over the soothing snow,
landed not far from a lonely crow

.
［改了后，散文诗或Alienated text的味道浓一点：）］
_________________
乒乓、摄影、诗歌

[[晓辉]]

First Time You Saw Snow

Fluterring just in time
Tis all but a flurry,
the snow, the heart-beats, you and me.

Excited like a child, you threw
yourself into it. Arms, legs outstretched
kicking, laughing wholeheartedly.

A cardinal stopped twittering
peering from trembling tree branches
as if asking “Who are you?”

I tried to pull you off the snow
but then, you broke free, lying down
to white yourself all over again.

On the top of a hill, we took pictures—
a lone pavilion, a snow cloaked pine, grey skies, and us—
a solemn look, as serious as a severe winter.

(Many years later, I look at the picture and
I hadve no idea why that look always reminded me
of a hero before his execution or a snow flake plunges
into oblivion...)

We measured our footprints in snow
I stepped into yours, and in my pocket was
your hand searching for warmth.

We ran, we fell, we threw snowballs, we
rolled over and over again till we are expended
and laid side by side

Now we have more than enough of snow,
birds in bush still sing their monotones, but winter
becomes over bearing, even with snowfalls in April

Outside, a raven glides over the soothing snow,
landed not far from a lonely crow

.
［改了后，散文诗或Alienated text的味道浓一点：）］
_________________
乒乓、摄影、诗歌

[kokho]

你也看到了，我能够改动的地方很少　：）
因为你写得的确不坏！

你去看看　白水的　火鸟。。　我提了意见。。。

。
_________________
乒乓、摄影、诗歌

[[晓辉]]

你也看到了，我能够改动的地方很少　：）
因为你写得的确不坏！

你去看看　白水的　火鸟。。　我提了意见。。。

。
_________________
乒乓、摄影、诗歌

[Lake]

Thank you Kokho for taking the time revising.

我把它打印下来，慢慢琢磨，体会一下。
读一遍过后，觉得第一段 full of feeling, pulls the reader in, 很好。
最后一行， 改的意思变了。crow 是 cry 的意思。
原来的 format 和这儿的不一样，最后一个stanza
是从前一行的中间部分开始，
而最后一行又是从它前一行的中间部位开始，
给人一种鸦叫声 trailed off 感觉。
唉， 不知讲清楚了没有。

也注意到了其他几个地方的改动，都有道理。

什么是 Alienated text？

[[Lake]]

Thank you Kokho for taking the time revising.

我把它打印下来，慢慢琢磨，体会一下。
读一遍过后，觉得第一段 full of feeling, pulls the reader in, 很好。
最后一行， 改的意思变了。crow 是 cry 的意思。
原来的 format 和这儿的不一样，最后一个stanza
是从前一行的中间部分开始，
而最后一行又是从它前一行的中间部位开始，
给人一种鸦叫声 trailed off 感觉。
唉， 不知讲清楚了没有。

也注意到了其他几个地方的改动，都有道理。

什么是 Alienated text？

[kokho]

Outside, a raven glides over the smooth snow
with a lonely crow

) 我没看到你说的 crow...

我以为 "a raven and a crow" was your play...

A pair of black birds amidst the white snow !

I guess I was too engrossed with the scene you protrayed,
and overlooked your linguistic play...
_________________
乒乓、摄影、诗歌

[[晓辉]]

Outside, a raven glides over the smooth snow
with a lonely crow

) 我没看到你说的 crow...

我以为 "a raven and a crow" was your play...

A pair of black birds amidst the white snow !

I guess I was too engrossed with the scene you protrayed,
and overlooked your linguistic play...
_________________
乒乓、摄影、诗歌

[博弈]

[[Mark]]

[Lake]

[[Lake]]