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A Chinese Nightingale

 
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anna[星子安娜]
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注册时间: 2004-05-02
帖子: 7141

帖子发表于: 星期二 六月 01, 2010 10:07 pm    发表主题: A Chinese Nightingale 引用并回复

From this window,
it is a patch of sky, up high, a cloud floating.
Beneath its shadow, poplar trees
stand tall in rows; leaves already fallen,
thin branches frame tiny grids.

Inside: cold like an abandoned well,
deep, moldy. Winds blow in
and dangle empty webs.

By the window,
the bird sings his only song,
his voice drained like rustling leaves.

I approach, palms baited with
golden grains.
Come, take some.
I coo.

He turns.
I catch my own shadow,
too heavy to lift.
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com
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anna[星子安娜]
anna作品集

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注册时间: 2004-05-02
帖子: 7141

帖子发表于: 星期二 六月 01, 2010 10:07 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

You generate such a romantic and sad mood with this, melodramatic. Nice piece.

----Don
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com
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個人頁面 阅览成员资料 (Profile) 发送私人留言 (PM) 浏览发表者的主页
anna[星子安娜]
anna作品集

Site Admin


注册时间: 2004-05-02
帖子: 7141

帖子发表于: 星期二 六月 01, 2010 10:16 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

How to edit poems?

During I worked on my final project for Creative Writing Certificate, I learnt several things. The most important was how to edit poems.
There are word choice to take care, images not to repeat, sound to make it inner rhyme and title changing to be evocative.

Sometimes, try to switch lines to see if they are better. Sometimes, try to change the tense or persona.

For this poem, I combined two poems together and trimmed the useless verses and kept the fresh ideas and images.

My new poetry book was accepted to be published in 2011. and they suggested me to add more. So I selected two old poems which were not in my book and made a new one. I am glad that it works.

Since I still have time to work on the book, so I will consider to polish the other thirty new poems which may be add to the book.
Hopefully, each poem bring freshness to my future readers.
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com
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