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anna[星子安娜] anna作品集 Site Admin
注册时间: 2004-05-02 帖子: 7141
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发表于: 星期二 五月 11, 2010 3:24 pm 发表主题: Longer Than I Know You (hidden) |
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Anna Yin
《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...
http://annapoetry.com
最后进行编辑的是 anna on 星期三 六月 02, 2010 2:13 pm, 总计第 8 次编辑 |
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anna[星子安娜] anna作品集 Site Admin
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anna[星子安娜] anna作品集 Site Admin
注册时间: 2004-05-02 帖子: 7141
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发表于: 星期四 五月 13, 2010 10:17 am 发表主题: |
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Lovely and original piece. I definitely would ask you to change the title, but that's me.
Don.
sandiegopoet
This is a very nice little piece, Anna, but I'm not sure that "Love" or "Longer Than" quite captures it title-wise.
I wonder if "flashback time" might work better than "reversed time." That said, the way that S2 dovetails with S5 is superbly wrought.
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Anna Yin
《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...
http://annapoetry.com |
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anna[星子安娜] anna作品集 Site Admin
注册时间: 2004-05-02 帖子: 7141
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发表于: 星期三 五月 19, 2010 8:17 am 发表主题: |
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I like that you have capitalized the nouns. It raises up the concept of the poem to another level. My only suggestion would be to remove the "it" at the end. I don't think it's necessary.
"Drink it, I hear your voice,
as at Present. "
Surprisingly good Anna. The whole gem.
e _________________ ---------------------
Anna Yin
《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...
http://annapoetry.com |
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