酷我-北美枫

星子 · 发表于: 星期四四月 29, 2010 4:38 pm 发表主题: Green Tea

Back home,
you make green tea,
gaze at the leaves, wonder
how they remain brilliant
in a sudden swirl of bloom.

In your eyes
I could always be
your fresh leaf.

You never knew
I’d grow old –
loving you.
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anna · Site Admin 注册时间: 2004-05-02 帖子: 7141

Comments from Don.

Perfect gem. Who is this lucky dream partner?

Don
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Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

anna · Site Admin 注册时间: 2004-05-02 帖子: 7141

This is so perfect.

You used so few words,
yet spoke volumes in
imagery. Love it.

Nochipa
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Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

anna · Site Admin 注册时间: 2004-05-02 帖子: 7141

Hi Anna,

This is a nice little poem. I think it might be a tad better if you included some more sensory elements. Consider that the difference in color between green tea, white tea, and the black tea we so commonly see. The black tea is aged and oxidized. Consider the aromatic elements of tea -- how wonderful a fresh pot of tea smells when you lift up the lid on the pot and sniff.

Fred
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Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

anna · Site Admin 注册时间: 2004-05-02 帖子: 7141

My reply to their comments in Pen Shell.

Thank you very much for comments.

No such dreamlike partner yet.

As to other teas, I may write other poems. I have a special feeling upon Green Tea.

I guess I could grow old by loving Green Tea.

Thanks.

Anna
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Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com