酷我-北美枫

[anna]

The distance between us
grows thorns, tall and dense.
The unceasing rain
drenches the sharpness,
soaks our island of silence.

More and more,
I stare at the night's curtain
where the comet falls.

I miss the Bird's Nest
from where our anthem rises
as my wings point home.



--old-

The distance between us
grows thorns, tall and dense.
The unceasing rain drenches the sharpness
and pokes an island of silence.

More and more,
I stare at the night's curtain,
as if the comet falls.

I miss the Bird's Nest
in which our anthem arose.
Wings go back home.
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[[星子安娜]]

The distance between us
grows thorns, tall and dense.
The unceasing rain
drenches the sharpness,
soaks our island of silence.

More and more,
I stare at the night's curtain
where the comet falls.

I miss the Bird's Nest
from where our anthem rises
as my wings point home.



--old-

The distance between us
grows thorns, tall and dense.
The unceasing rain drenches the sharpness
and pokes an island of silence.

More and more,
I stare at the night's curtain,
as if the comet falls.

I miss the Bird's Nest
in which our anthem arose.
Wings go back home.
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[anna]

AA---

i like the diction here, the voice---the direct statements create a sense of both reality and vitaliaty of the narrator's point of view.

1. The distance between us
grows

2. The unceasing rain drenches the sharpness

3. I miss the Bird's Nest
thorns, tall and dense.

4. I stare at the night's curtain


now, to connect these declarative sentences.


does rain reduce the sharpness of a thorn?

pokes an island of silence, doesn't seem so clear or strong.



More and more,
I stare at the night's curtain,
as if the comet falls.

is nights curtain fresh? and how does it relate to a comet?


i like those closing lines, but not sure if i know who is flying with those wings.



can the images be used in a more mutually supportive way?


bernie
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[[星子安娜]]

AA---

i like the diction here, the voice---the direct statements create a sense of both reality and vitaliaty of the narrator's point of view.

1. The distance between us
grows

2. The unceasing rain drenches the sharpness

3. I miss the Bird's Nest
thorns, tall and dense.

4. I stare at the night's curtain


now, to connect these declarative sentences.


does rain reduce the sharpness of a thorn?

pokes an island of silence, doesn't seem so clear or strong.



More and more,
I stare at the night's curtain,
as if the comet falls.

is nights curtain fresh? and how does it relate to a comet?


i like those closing lines, but not sure if i know who is flying with those wings.



can the images be used in a more mutually supportive way?


bernie
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[anna]

Anna,

I also like the statements but would like to see them meld better.


A few suggestions just to rethink it a bit:

The distance between us
grows thorns, tall and dense. (I like the image of thorns here)
The unceasing rain drenches (points)
and (soaks) an island of silence.

More and more,
I stare at the night's curtain,
(where) the comet falls.

I miss the Bird's Nest
(from where) our anthem (rose)
(as my wings point home.)

_________________
Yoly
http://www.myspace.com/yolytime
^
http://www.lopsidepress.com/gallery
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[[星子安娜]]

Anna,

I also like the statements but would like to see them meld better.


A few suggestions just to rethink it a bit:

The distance between us
grows thorns, tall and dense. (I like the image of thorns here)
The unceasing rain drenches (points)
and (soaks) an island of silence.

More and more,
I stare at the night's curtain,
(where) the comet falls.

I miss the Bird's Nest
(from where) our anthem (rose)
(as my wings point home.)

_________________
Yoly
http://www.myspace.com/yolytime
^
http://www.lopsidepress.com/gallery
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[anna]

Comments from Penshell..


Lovely and evocative.
Listen to JR on the one phrase.

You are a poet of the unconscious
I believe, allowing your unspoken
your hidden, your depth
wash over the page.

I suspect, after your academic journey
(per our other conversation) you will
return to the hemisphere you miss.


Doug
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[[星子安娜]]

Comments from Penshell..


Lovely and evocative.
Listen to JR on the one phrase.

You are a poet of the unconscious
I believe, allowing your unspoken
your hidden, your depth
wash over the page.

I suspect, after your academic journey
(per our other conversation) you will
return to the hemisphere you miss.


Doug
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com