酷我-北美枫

[anna]

1)

Oh, dear, do you really want to be that free?
Or is freedom the fire itself destroying everything?
Do you really love a rose with thorns,
or just the soft part of the unbearable pain?

You think salt seasons the meat;
yet it turns to be the cause of the barren land.

Everything depends on a small chance,
or fragile imagination.
You think you can hold on and grow -
the sky, the mountains,
and the ladders…

Sorry, my dear, too late to regret.
No matter how you stroke the brush
for another touchup,
no matter how you make up your mind -

in a poetic way or for an ardent confession,
truth spreads out
like the bleeding sunset.

It settles your night
in a sudden silence.
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[[星子安娜]]

1)

Oh, dear, do you really want to be that free?
Or is freedom the fire itself destroying everything?
Do you really love a rose with thorns,
or just the soft part of the unbearable pain?

You think salt seasons the meat;
yet it turns to be the cause of the barren land.

Everything depends on a small chance,
or fragile imagination.
You think you can hold on and grow -
the sky, the mountains,
and the ladders…

Sorry, my dear, too late to regret.
No matter how you stroke the brush
for another touchup,
no matter how you make up your mind -

in a poetic way or for an ardent confession,
truth spreads out
like the bleeding sunset.

It settles your night
in a sudden silence.
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[anna]

2)
I learn the most from silence.
Night opens the door.

I watch you wander in my dream.
The mist rises in my mirror,
I cannot make out your face, and my face.

But by now, I am familiar with an unknown tree,
a trembling leaf,
a sudden lightning and a rolling river…

Still, you are you,
no certain form, no firm shape, but the messenger,
the fountain of creativity and the island of freedom.

Wherever you point at,
I become the fire of your torch,
the lotus in your pond,
the tear from your eyes,
the seeds of your tree.
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[[星子安娜]]

2)
I learn the most from silence.
Night opens the door.

I watch you wander in my dream.
The mist rises in my mirror,
I cannot make out your face, and my face.

But by now, I am familiar with an unknown tree,
a trembling leaf,
a sudden lightning and a rolling river…

Still, you are you,
no certain form, no firm shape, but the messenger,
the fountain of creativity and the island of freedom.

Wherever you point at,
I become the fire of your torch,
the lotus in your pond,
the tear from your eyes,
the seeds of your tree.
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[anna]

Comments from Penshell

Anna

I'm pleased you found inspiration in my poem.
The flow of your poem is smooth and really captures the essence of inspiration itself-
which, for me, gives us human beings the chance to feel whole with the universe
or at least take the time to reflect on what life is.

I really like these lines ....
or a fragile imagination. ... you don't need 'a' here
You think you can hold on and grow -
the sky, the mountains,
and the ladders…
and also
truth spreads out
like the bleeding sunset.


Ironically I learn the most .... remove' ironically' and 'the' before silence
from the silence.

I'm not sure you need this line ...

as if the dream is the only place.


and together we fulfill our wholeness. ... I think this is implied, Anna, although if you decide to keep the line maybe you could remove 'and together'


parting is our sweet sorrow. ... This reminds me of Romeo and Juliet.


Consider ending with ....

the seeds of your tree;


Lovely pem, indeed, Anna.
I thorougly enjoyed the read.


Take care,
Maria
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[[星子安娜]]

Comments from Penshell

Anna

I'm pleased you found inspiration in my poem.
The flow of your poem is smooth and really captures the essence of inspiration itself-
which, for me, gives us human beings the chance to feel whole with the universe
or at least take the time to reflect on what life is.

I really like these lines ....
or a fragile imagination. ... you don't need 'a' here
You think you can hold on and grow -
the sky, the mountains,
and the ladders…
and also
truth spreads out
like the bleeding sunset.


Ironically I learn the most .... remove' ironically' and 'the' before silence
from the silence.

I'm not sure you need this line ...

as if the dream is the only place.


and together we fulfill our wholeness. ... I think this is implied, Anna, although if you decide to keep the line maybe you could remove 'and together'


parting is our sweet sorrow. ... This reminds me of Romeo and Juliet.


Consider ending with ....

the seeds of your tree;


Lovely pem, indeed, Anna.
I thorougly enjoyed the read.


Take care,
Maria
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[anna]

Hi Annayin:

There are some really vivid and evocative images lurking in this poem. I think you should trust those and lean less on care-worn phrases like "do you really want to be that free", "really love a rose with thorns." I'm not sure of the wisdom of two numbered stanzas, although it's clear that the context has changed. If 2) is an answer to 1), I would simply join them. How about these edits....


You think salt seasons the meat
when it wants to barren the land
Everything depends on a small chance
or fragile imagination that
You think you can hold

too late to regret. No matter
how you stroke the brush
for another touchup of the mind
that spreads the truth
out like the bleeding sunset.
settling night in sudden silence.

silence, night open doors
wandering in my dream
raising the mist
I cannot make out my face
But, I know an unknown tree
of trembling leaf
from sudden lightning and by a rolling river:

you
no certain form, no firm shape,
but the messenger to
the fountain of creativity
from an island of freedom
I'm your torch-fire, lotus in pond,
your tears and the seedling

Best, JHC
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[[星子安娜]]

Hi Annayin:

There are some really vivid and evocative images lurking in this poem. I think you should trust those and lean less on care-worn phrases like "do you really want to be that free", "really love a rose with thorns." I'm not sure of the wisdom of two numbered stanzas, although it's clear that the context has changed. If 2) is an answer to 1), I would simply join them. How about these edits....


You think salt seasons the meat
when it wants to barren the land
Everything depends on a small chance
or fragile imagination that
You think you can hold

too late to regret. No matter
how you stroke the brush
for another touchup of the mind
that spreads the truth
out like the bleeding sunset.
settling night in sudden silence.

silence, night open doors
wandering in my dream
raising the mist
I cannot make out my face
But, I know an unknown tree
of trembling leaf
from sudden lightning and by a rolling river:

you
no certain form, no firm shape,
but the messenger to
the fountain of creativity
from an island of freedom
I'm your torch-fire, lotus in pond,
your tears and the seedling

Best, JHC
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[anna]

Revised.

To My Poetic Self

To My Poetic Self

You think salt seasons the meat
when it wants to barren land.
Everything depends on a small chance
or fragile imagination that
you think you can hold.

Too late for regret. No matter
how you stroke the brush
for another touchup of the mind
that spreads truth
like a bleeding sunset,
it settles night in sudden silence.

The moon opens night doors,
you wander in my dream.
Raising the mist,
I cannot make out your face
But, I know an unknown tree
of trembling leaves
from blue lightning and by a rolling river:

no certain form, no firm shape,
but the messenger
to the fountain of creativity
from an island of freedom.

I'm your torch-fire, lotus in pond,
sweet bitter tears and the white seedling.
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[[星子安娜]]

Revised.

To My Poetic Self

To My Poetic Self

You think salt seasons the meat
when it wants to barren land.
Everything depends on a small chance
or fragile imagination that
you think you can hold.

Too late for regret. No matter
how you stroke the brush
for another touchup of the mind
that spreads truth
like a bleeding sunset,
it settles night in sudden silence.

The moon opens night doors,
you wander in my dream.
Raising the mist,
I cannot make out your face
But, I know an unknown tree
of trembling leaves
from blue lightning and by a rolling river:

no certain form, no firm shape,
but the messenger
to the fountain of creativity
from an island of freedom.

I'm your torch-fire, lotus in pond,
sweet bitter tears and the white seedling.
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com