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anna[星子安娜] anna作品集 Site Admin
注册时间: 2004-05-02 帖子: 7141
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发表于: 星期三 二月 25, 2009 8:56 am 发表主题: The Star Fell |
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Back then,
I sat in the back,
with a book half-open on my lap.
On the basketball court,
a boy played, like a hunter
my eyes followed his swift moves.
Each pass, dribble and dunk,
nimble, unique, elegant, dynamic, ,
drew my heart close,
secretly in a pony trotting pattern.
A few times, the boy shifted his glance
to my side;
timid, I lowered my gaze to the book.
For years I have puzzled -
when did I begin to carry his homework,
waiting for his game to finish?
Why did his father believe that
I were the answer to his prayer
for his only son’s college dream?
I lost track, only remember
I wasn’t sad to find he had a new girl friend,
but very sad for his dropped dream.
Now his slim hands grasp cards,
his hook-eyes wide-open on gambling.
I miss the echoes,
the echoes of his ball bounce. _________________ ---------------------
Anna Yin
《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...
http://annapoetry.com
最后进行编辑的是 anna on 星期四 二月 26, 2009 2:47 pm, 总计第 1 次编辑 |
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anna[星子安娜] anna作品集 Site Admin
注册时间: 2004-05-02 帖子: 7141
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发表于: 星期四 二月 26, 2009 8:41 am 发表主题: |
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Comment from Bernie
--
A---
touching and yet with an edge.
dramatic narrative that remains both clear and compelling.
unusual perspective, story.
all to the good.
very nice conclusion.
I were the answer to his prayer
probably past tense...
I was the answer to his prayer.
your slightly foreign (to English) accent when you write, is part of your writing signature -- i would keep it. in this particular story, it is essential. i imagine a asian school girl watching a school boy athlete --- race open.
"gambling" sounds too easy --- too conventional and how would a nice asian girl observe gambling other than the majong parlor? just teasing, please no cards and letters.
let the kid sell insurance --- that's a fate worse than gambling, any day.
or the race track.
two dollar window.
bernie _________________ ---------------------
Anna Yin
《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...
http://annapoetry.com |
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anna[星子安娜] anna作品集 Site Admin
注册时间: 2004-05-02 帖子: 7141
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发表于: 星期四 二月 26, 2009 12:36 pm 发表主题: |
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Hi Bernie,
Thank you very much.
This story hangs in my mind for a long time. Most is my true experience.
I always wonder how life could change if the boy got in college or university.
But he dropped.
Sometimes I think his father is more sad than him. It hurts.
Thank you very much for approving this poem and taking your time to share your comments. You know I really need them.
BTW, yes Majiang is very popular in China. Too bad, it becomes the national icon.
Thanks again.
Anna _________________ ---------------------
Anna Yin
《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...
http://annapoetry.com |
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